Anonymous wrote:This thread makes me so sad. The thought of my parents dying breaks my heart, it’s sad that a lot of people just see it as a burden.

If you love your parents and are close to them, the thought of their death is distressing and incredibly sad.

That doesn't mean you don't love your parents if you don't make practical plans. Hoards are real things. (Very heavy, messy, real things!)

I wish I could have spent the time after my mother's death grieving for her instead of dealing with a health hazard. Dang, I wish she would have let me get her into a healthy situation before she died, as I might have had her with me longer.

Heavens, that does not mean I did not love her.

Be grateful OP. One of my parents is cleaning out now because of a foreclosure. I have no idea what’s next.

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Anonymous wrote:I hope you can do something. A neighbor of mine died and his son came later with a couple men and a dump truck. I know he kept some things but it was sad because of some of the things I saw being thrown away. One was an ornate family Bible with names and dates going back 100 years in the inside front pages. I pulled it out and took it home, then decided that was irrational and put it back.

Your post makes me so sad. It also reminds me of an estate sale in Ponte Vedra where a framed case of the deceased owner's swimming medals from a highly regarded university--at least 50 medals and more than a few were from MAJOR swimming events dating back to 1930's-- were on sale for $25. Just out there with the kitchen and living room stuff...can't believe that no one in the family wanted them.

But what are you going to do with grandpa’s old swimming medals? Put them in a drawer? How is that better?

PP here. I would hang the framed medals on an office wall in my home, or a basement playroom, etc. These weren't just any old swimming medals, btw, and the framed case was beautiful.

Yeah, I would have no desire to have that hanging on my wall. To each their own.

That's fine. We're a very sentimental family, and it would be very meaningful to me to have my grandfather's medals.

I am also sentimental but don’t put as much value on things as you seem to. Probably the same with the family selling the medals. My walls are covered in family photos and if I were that family, I’d probably have a lovely framed photo of grandpa wearing his own medals.

For those who view nearly 100 year old medals as "things," I would hope they'd take the time to offer them to a museum or the relative's alma mater, rather than letting them wind up in a Goodwill store or the city trash.

Anonymous wrote:This thread makes me so sad. The thought of my parents dying breaks my heart, it’s sad that a lot of people just see it as a burden.

+1 I'm with you and felt the same when I lost mine. Not a burden. My husband and I and our siblings did all that we could for both our parents.

My parents downsized from 3000 to 900 square feet and I was part of the decluttering process to get the home ready to sell. They are pack rats, and I kind of am, too, so it wasn't easy. It was somewhat traumatic because I was faced with all of these sentimental items with memories, not even MY memories (but theirs, or my grandparents). Who was I to trash someone else's' memories? It was so hard. At times I became so stoic that I'd purge things without much thought and later had to re-think. I was that person at the estate sale second-guessing if we should sell or keep, and sometimes rushing in to "save" something. FWIW, they didn't make much on the estate sale. I also think if I'd have been in the right mind, I could have marketed and sold some of the stuff myself and definitely made money. But I just don't have it in me.

What I'm trying to say is, the fact that they moved was HUGE in beginning the decluttering process. If they hadn't moved, I'd be in the same boat as OP.

I feel very fortunate that my parents were alive during the process, otherwise I think it would have taken me five times as long to recover from the purge. Also, it was VERY nice to hear stories of items as they were being hauled away, I even recorded the discussion a few times.

This will be MIL. Keep 40 year old clothes but toss papers that include family history.

That one will be a case of keep/save the few family antiques, and get a dumpster for the rest. She just "doesn't know what to DO with the clothes. Can't somebody use them?" Insert huge eyeroll.

OP if it stresses them out, you'll have to wait. How frustrating.

We have crap here (ie: ceramic things everyone had 30 years ago) from she's grandma when she moved. Nobody wanted to upset her by junking them, so I'll do it from here.

This thread makes me so sad. The thought of my parents dying breaks my heart, it’s sad that a lot of people just see it as a burden.

I am 50. Kids are in school. Years away from retirement. I have been greatly inspired by the swedish death cleaning and I am doing this to my house now.
It is amazing from the perspective of your own demise that you have so little in material goods worth hanging on to.

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Anonymous wrote:I hope you can do something. A neighbor of mine died and his son came later with a couple men and a dump truck. I know he kept some things but it was sad because of some of the things I saw being thrown away. One was an ornate family Bible with names and dates going back 100 years in the inside front pages. I pulled it out and took it home, then decided that was irrational and put it back.

Your post makes me so sad. It also reminds me of an estate sale in Ponte Vedra where a framed case of the deceased owner's swimming medals from a highly regarded university--at least 50 medals and more than a few were from MAJOR swimming events dating back to 1930's-- were on sale for $25. Just out there with the kitchen and living room stuff...can't believe that no one in the family wanted them.

But what are you going to do with grandpa’s old swimming medals? Put them in a drawer? How is that better?

PP here. I would hang the framed medals on an office wall in my home, or a basement playroom, etc. These weren't just any old swimming medals, btw, and the framed case was beautiful.

Yeah, I would have no desire to have that hanging on my wall. To each their own.

That's fine. We're a very sentimental family, and it would be very meaningful to me to have my grandfather's medals.

I am also sentimental but don’t put as much value on things as you seem to. Probably the same with the family selling the medals. My walls are covered in family photos and if I were that family, I’d probably have a lovely framed photo of grandpa wearing his own medals.

I told my parents that you know how the funeral homes always say, "If you love your children, you'll plan your own funeral?" I think it should be, "If you love your children, you'll get rid of your own crap."

My mom keeps talking about how she'd like to move but can't until she "cleans out the house." Then she tells a story about how she thinks she has gone through all my dad's papers but then she opens another file cabinet drawer and there are more! She has been telling that story for 3 years. My dad had 2 filing cabinets. Whether she is aware or not, she does not want to move. I just nod and change the subject. If she really wanted it done she could hire someone and have it done in 2 days, and they have a huge house.

But, this has been a huge lesson for me. I will never leave my kids with a huge amount of stuff to go through, and I am trying to be mindful now of keeping vs. saving away. So much of the junk in my mom's house i worthless because she threw it in a box in the basement decades ago. It's all dirty and gross now. Someone could have used it if she had donated it.

You can't win this one. If you think treasure is muxed in with junk you might get away with asking them to show you some if the most sentimental or valuable items so you have some kind if a guide.

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Anonymous wrote:I hope you can do something. A neighbor of mine died and his son came later with a couple men and a dump truck. I know he kept some things but it was sad because of some of the things I saw being thrown away. One was an ornate family Bible with names and dates going back 100 years in the inside front pages. I pulled it out and took it home, then decided that was irrational and put it back.

Your post makes me so sad. It also reminds me of an estate sale in Ponte Vedra where a framed case of the deceased owner's swimming medals from a highly regarded university--at least 50 medals and more than a few were from MAJOR swimming events dating back to 1930's-- were on sale for $25. Just out there with the kitchen and living room stuff...can't believe that no one in the family wanted them.

But what are you going to do with grandpa’s old swimming medals? Put them in a drawer? How is that better?

PP here. I would hang the framed medals on an office wall in my home, or a basement playroom, etc. These weren't just any old swimming medals, btw, and the framed case was beautiful.

Yeah, I would have no desire to have that hanging on my wall. To each their own.

That's fine. We're a very sentimental family, and it would be very meaningful to me to have my grandfather's medals.

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Anonymous wrote:I hope you can do something. A neighbor of mine died and his son came later with a couple men and a dump truck. I know he kept some things but it was sad because of some of the things I saw being thrown away. One was an ornate family Bible with names and dates going back 100 years in the inside front pages. I pulled it out and took it home, then decided that was irrational and put it back.

Your post makes me so sad. It also reminds me of an estate sale in Ponte Vedra where a framed case of the deceased owner's swimming medals from a highly regarded university--at least 50 medals and more than a few were from MAJOR swimming events dating back to 1930's-- were on sale for $25. Just out there with the kitchen and living room stuff...can't believe that no one in the family wanted them.

But what are you going to do with grandpa’s old swimming medals? Put them in a drawer? How is that better?

PP here. I would hang the framed medals on an office wall in my home, or a basement playroom, etc. These weren't just any old swimming medals, btw, and the framed case was beautiful.

Yeah, I would have no desire to have that hanging on my wall. To each their own.

Anonymous wrote:I know it’s selfish but they aren’t getting younger and soon my dad isn’t gonna be very mobile. They have a house full of junk but they don’t want to go through it to de clutter. I’m pretty sure that I’m going to have to be the person who cleans it up either when they are too weak to or when they’re gone. Anyone been there?

We're moving, and I'm taking my 81 yo mother with me. That's how I'm cleaning her house out. She is not a hoarder. In fact, her home is immaculate and beautiful. But she's one person in a multi-level home with 4 bedrooms.

As an only, I will be selfish in this area.

So it appears as though you have siblings. So they won't assist you in any way? If that's the case, then hire someone as a PP suggested. De-clutter and then see what you can sell off.

I'd still try to talk to your siblings. Are they nearby?