Anonymous wrote:Of course. I've cheated now for almost 5 years and we haven't come close to getting caught. You do have to be very disciplined and keep the overall level of communication that's not in person to a minimum. He and I are both in marriages we cannot leave either, and it works for us.

Do you still have sex with your husband? Any level of concern that he is suspicious? How don you sneak round for 5 YEARS?! Unless work travel?

Anonymous wrote:Of course. I've cheated now for almost 5 years and we haven't come close to getting caught. You do have to be very disciplined and keep the overall level of communication that's not in person to a minimum. He and I are both in marriages we cannot leave either, and it works for us.

Get back to us when you're older after a lifetime of cheating, sneaking around, and dishonesty. It'll wear on you.

Anonymous wrote:An affair that doesn't get caught in the moment can get brought to light down the road.

Cheating is a sign of poor integrity and weak character more than a bad marriage. Many adults have considerable anger and resentment towards their cheating parents. You also run the risk of your kids finding out one day and seeing you in a whole different light.

It would be nice to not care about integrity or character and just do whatever feels good...and some people do that. Prisons are full of people who rationalized bad decisions.

A sexless/loveless marriage is no fun. It is a sacrifice for your kids. Many adults don't have love or sex in their lives or whatever the circumstances and life goes on.

For me it wasn't just living in the sexless marriage that was the problem. It was that I worked my ass off, at work and at home, and still didn't get even the minimum physical attention from the exW. I was earning a lot, spending it all taking care of a so-called "family", doing nearly all the household chores, and getting zero benefits for being a "family man".

Now my money get spent on me, and all my work benefits me.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You won't know if you won't be caught.

Until your death bed, it is a secret that could be found out.

Even after that, actually...

Such drama - who cares if you are found out when you are dead. You are dead duh.

Anonymous wrote:It'll suck your soul.

This is true - if you fall in love it will suck the life out of you. If you just want a friend and a f*** buddy then yes - go for it - life is too short. Be confident that he is secure on his end - I’ve cheated many times - got caught twice. Once for being sloppy and “in love” and once because APs wife was on the prowl looking to get him.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A tip from my vat of unfortunate lessons learned. If your DH expects back-from-trip-sex (as a tradition), don’t skip it. My saying no, I’m tired, got him thinking (correctly) that something was off with myself

Easier still to just be a person of integrity instead of leading a life of deception.

This. Deception is a relationship & marriage killer.

Deception, Lies, Dishonor, Fraud. I don't know how some people sleep at night.

Do you know what else is a marriage killer? Lack of sex, constant sexual rejection. Some find that elsewhere.

yep, and lack of sex falls under deception and dishonor.

Yes it does. The deception is having a normal sex life while dating, getting married and exchanging vows about fidelity and To-have-and-to-hold, but later deciding that sex isn't important for you (and therefore your partner either). This shows total lack of integrity. Thanks for pointing that out!!!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A tip from my vat of unfortunate lessons learned. If your DH expects back-from-trip-sex (as a tradition), don’t skip it. My saying no, I’m tired, got him thinking (correctly) that something was off with myself

Easier still to just be a person of integrity instead of leading a life of deception.

High horse DCUM. There is no integrity in keeping a sham marriage.

Anonymous wrote:An affair that doesn't get caught in the moment can get brought to light down the road.

Cheating is a sign of poor integrity and weak character more than a bad marriage. Many adults have considerable anger and resentment towards their cheating parents. You also run the risk of your kids finding out one day and seeing you in a whole different light.

It would be nice to not care about integrity or character and just do whatever feels good...and some people do that. Prisons are full of people who rationalized bad decisions.

A sexless/loveless marriage is no fun. It is a sacrifice for your kids. Many adults don't have love or sex in their lives or whatever the circumstances and life goes on.

What? Kids don't want their parents to sacrifice all of their earthly happiness for them- nobody likes a martyr. What kids want is to not have their lives be made worse and not have their parents be miserable. The OP is on the right track with how to make this happen but, given that she posed the question at all, I worry she might not be built for it.

Of course. I've cheated now for almost 5 years and we haven't come close to getting caught. You do have to be very disciplined and keep the overall level of communication that's not in person to a minimum. He and I are both in marriages we cannot leave either, and it works for us.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A tip from my vat of unfortunate lessons learned. If your DH expects back-from-trip-sex (as a tradition), don’t skip it. My saying no, I’m tired, got him thinking (correctly) that something was off with myself

Easier still to just be a person of integrity instead of leading a life of deception.

This. Deception is a relationship & marriage killer.

Deception, Lies, Dishonor, Fraud. I don't know how some people sleep at night.

Do you know what else is a marriage killer? Lack of sex, constant sexual rejection. Some find that elsewhere.

yep, and lack of sex falls under deception and dishonor.

Anonymous wrote:You won't know if you won't be caught.

Until your death bed, it is a secret that could be found out.

Even after that, actually...

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A tip from my vat of unfortunate lessons learned. If your DH expects back-from-trip-sex (as a tradition), don’t skip it. My saying no, I’m tired, got him thinking (correctly) that something was off with myself

Easier still to just be a person of integrity instead of leading a life of deception.

This. Deception is a relationship & marriage killer.

Deception, Lies, Dishonor, Fraud. I don't know how some people sleep at night.

Do you know what else is a marriage killer? Lack of sex, constant sexual rejection. Some find that elsewhere.

You won't know if you won't be caught.

Until your death bed, it is a secret that could be found out.

An affair that doesn't get caught in the moment can get brought to light down the road.

Cheating is a sign of poor integrity and weak character more than a bad marriage. Many adults have considerable anger and resentment towards their cheating parents. You also run the risk of your kids finding out one day and seeing you in a whole different light.

It would be nice to not care about integrity or character and just do whatever feels good...and some people do that. Prisons are full of people who rationalized bad decisions.

A sexless/loveless marriage is no fun. It is a sacrifice for your kids. Many adults don't have love or sex in their lives or whatever the circumstances and life goes on.

You can really be sure. Just because your spouse hasn't confronted you doesn't mean they or your friends, family etc. don't know.