Anonymous wrote:This is sexual harassment. They are not dating and he sent her an unsolicited and unwanted nude photo. To those of you dismissing it, this is a huge problem. Teen girls get sent unsolicited and unwanted dick pics a lot, it is straight up harassment. If you look at what #metoo stands for, it includes harassment.

To the person who asked why do 8th graders need Snapchat and said they thought that was so young for it, I agree that I wish MS students didn’t have social media, but 5th graders have Snapchat, so by 8th they are not new to that.

To OP and your DD who believe this kid when he says he’s never done this before, $1,000 says he’s lying.

Nobody is dismissing it or saying it is acceptable. We are just saying that police is not the way to deal with it. This is about a child that has made a mistake. It is horrible but let’s not pretend this girl is likely to be traumatized forever.

I have an 8th grade boy (can't be the one in question since he doesn't do Quiz Bowl, among other things) and there's an issue here that sort of dumbfounds me. OP is basically allowing her daughter to dictate her response to this incident. I think that's a huge mistake.

I'm not sure what the right response to this would be. Personally I'd track down the parents (it's not that hard, even at a big public MS.) At minimum, I'd talk to the assistant principal or guidance counselor. They've seen it all before, and even without specifics can offer good advice. My son received an inappropriate text and the school admins were incredibly helpful.

But all that said, if you're going to cede decisionmaking on how to handle this to your daughter, you're setting a terrible precedent. I'm a very chill parent, not remotely the disciplinarian type, but the threat to cut off talking to mom wouldn't fly for me. It's unenforceable in any case; you can pull your punches today in hopes of keeping the lines of communication open and you have zero guarantees that she's telling you everything anyway. So you've given her the upper hand and gained nothing. And be prepared for her to repeat this threat anytime you want to do something she doesn't like.

Personally I'd also pull her off Snapchat for a while. Yeah, I know it's ubiquitous. But there are actually quite a few kids who don't engage in that. My son had Snapchat for about 3 days and deleted it. He's a happy well-adjusted social kid who manages to survive without it.

If that's too extreme for the OP, you might consider negotiating a contract with your daughter about social media use and electronics. A lot of my friends have done that with their kids and it's useful for setting parameters and laying out consequences. You pay the bills for that phone, you are responsible if she does start down the road of sexting -- why shouldn't she have to abide by some minimal expectations?

'You have a few more years to teach your kids good judgment and resilience before they're totally on their own. Bowing to your daughter's fear of social backlash in a situation that involves serious and complicated stuff is a recipe for disaster.

Anonymous wrote:This is sexual harassment. They are not dating and he sent her an unsolicited and unwanted nude photo. To those of you dismissing it, this is a huge problem. Teen girls get sent unsolicited and unwanted dick pics a lot, it is straight up harassment. If you look at what #metoo stands for, it includes harassment.

To the person who asked why do 8th graders need Snapchat and said they thought that was so young for it, I agree that I wish MS students didn’t have social media, but 5th graders have Snapchat, so by 8th they are not new to that.

To OP and your DD who believe this kid when he says he’s never done this before, $1,000 says he’s lying.

So what do you want to do? Label this 13/14 year old boy a sexual predator?

It sounds like OPs daughter didn't feel victimized and she firmly told him that that was not ok

I’d find a way to have a face to face conversation with the boy myself.

This is sexual harassment. They are not dating and he sent her an unsolicited and unwanted nude photo. To those of you dismissing it, this is a huge problem. Teen girls get sent unsolicited and unwanted dick pics a lot, it is straight up harassment. If you look at what #metoo stands for, it includes harassment.

To the person who asked why do 8th graders need Snapchat and said they thought that was so young for it, I agree that I wish MS students didn’t have social media, but 5th graders have Snapchat, so by 8th they are not new to that.

To OP and your DD who believe this kid when he says he’s never done this before, $1,000 says he’s lying.

Its going to continue to happen.

She is in 8th grade for goodness sakes.

Stop allowing these kids to get on social media at such a young age

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to tell the school counselor. They will handle it (I work in a high school, and this happens nearly every day). Doing nothing doesnt help, it means you are part of the problem. The school will educate the boy so he doesn't do this, or worse, again. You can also ask the school to leave your name out of it - your DD doesn't ever need to know you told the school.

OP here. If the school talks to the boy, he would know right away where the information is coming from - if he truly sent that kind of a picture for the 1st time. Then he'll tell my DD, and she'll know I contacted the school. It's not that I want to keep silent - just want my DD to keep trusting me.

I agree. My daughter is the same age and also received a dick pic from someone at her school. Unlike your daughter, she wasn't friends with him to begin with so it was easy for her to block him from all social media. But I was very proud of her for telling me at all. I tried not to act super-shocked (even though I was) because I want her to continue talking to me and trusting me. I decided not to contact the boy's parents because she was adamant that I not since she'd have to see him every day. But we did agree if he ever did anything like that again, I would immediately be contacting them.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe I’m going to sound like an angry feminist, but seriously? Maybe he didn’t know this was wrong? That’s a parental and cultural failing. This little girl now has a #metoo story and she’s in 8th grade.

OP, I’m not saying call the cops, but I do think your daughter should see you make a big deal of standing up for her so that she knows she is never expected to tolerate inappropriate sexual behavior from men. I’d make a big deal about calling his parents and make sure she knows she never has to accept this kind of aggression.

Are you fucking kidding me? A #metoo moment?!?!?! You seriously considered this sexual assault? You are putting this in same category as molestation and rape? This is why there is backlash for this movement.
Tell me, if this same girl was shown a playgirl (yeah I know they no longer exist) by her friends unwittingly, would that be assault?

+100

Anonymous wrote:Maybe I’m going to sound like an angry feminist, but seriously? Maybe he didn’t know this was wrong? That’s a parental and cultural failing. This little girl now has a #metoo story and she’s in 8th grade.

OP, I’m not saying call the cops, but I do think your daughter should see you make a big deal of standing up for her so that she knows she is never expected to tolerate inappropriate sexual behavior from men. I’d make a big deal about calling his parents and make sure she knows she never has to accept this kind of aggression.

People like you are a problem. A big problem. You're actually equating an 8th grader receiving a dick pic from another 8th grader to assault and/or serious sexual harassment? This is not a "parental failing." He's 13 years old. He made a mistake. He is not a felon or a sexual predator. The OP's daughter told him never to do that again, and I doubt he ever will. I think OP and her daughter have both handled this reasonably and both sound very level-headed. You, on the other hand, do not.

Anonymous wrote:You need to tell the school counselor. They will handle it (I work in a high school, and this happens nearly every day). Doing nothing doesnt help, it means you are part of the problem. The school will educate the boy so he doesn't do this, or worse, again. You can also ask the school to leave your name out of it - your DD doesn't ever need to know you told the school.

OP here. If the school talks to the boy, he would know right away where the information is coming from - if he truly sent that kind of a picture for the 1st time. Then he'll tell my DD, and she'll know I contacted the school. It's not that I want to keep silent - just want my DD to keep trusting me.

OP here. I would call his parents if I knew their contact information. At this point, I only know his first name and that they attend the same after-school club. Since DD doesn't want me to contact anybody, she'll not willingly tell me his last name. To find out his parents' contact information, I would need to reach out to the Quiz bowl coach, explain the situation to the coach, and ask for the last name of a child - and what if there are more than one boy with the same first name in the club?

If I contact the school in general, will they attempt to interview my daughter about the situation? She would be very upset that I contacted the school.

I don't think she wants to go out with him: I told her that if she does, the next thing he is going to do is take her picture and send it to his friends - hopefully that scared her enough. At least after she received his picture, she also told him that she is not interested in what he is trying to offer until she gets married.

You need to tell the school counselor. They will handle it (I work in a high school, and this happens nearly every day). Doing nothing doesnt help, it means you are part of the problem. The school will educate the boy so he doesn't do this, or worse, again. You can also ask the school to leave your name out of it - your DD doesn't ever need to know you told the school.

Ok, I have to weigh in. I’m a school counselor and deal with this crap all the time. Some points:
1.) It’s not necessarily a parental failing. We can do a “scared straight” presentation at school, complete with stories of criminal charges for sexting, and some idiot 8th grader will send a dick pic the next day.
2.) If you don’t want to tell his parents (I personally think you should) at least make a call to his school and ask for anonymity. Someone should address the issue with him as part of a group, at minimum. They don’t need to directly call him out to educate him.
3.) These are 8th grade boys. They have the maturity of 6th grade girls. They are still 12 years away from having a fully functional brain. They’re going to make mistakes and need to be taught now how to behave. That’s why someone should know. It’s better to learn this lesson now than senior year of high school or as an adult.
4.) Tell your daughter’s school; ask for anonymity. She needs to be taught how to handle these situations too, as do her peers.
5.) A part of me views this is less aggressive than him demanding she send him a topless shot, which is a more typical scenario. Another part of me marvels at the fact that he thought this might build his case and get her to like him.
6.) The fact that she still wants to be friends with him makes me think she actually does want to go out with him. I didn’t see that twist coming.

Anonymous wrote:Maybe I’m going to sound like an angry feminist, but seriously? Maybe he didn’t know this was wrong? That’s a parental and cultural failing. This little girl now has a #metoo story and she’s in 8th grade.

OP, I’m not saying call the cops, but I do think your daughter should see you make a big deal of standing up for her so that she knows she is never expected to tolerate inappropriate sexual behavior from men. I’d make a big deal about calling his parents and make sure she knows she never has to accept this kind of aggression.

Are you fucking kidding me? A #metoo moment?!?!?! You seriously considered this sexual assault? You are putting this in same category as molestation and rape? This is why there is backlash for this movement.
Tell me, if this same girl was shown a playgirl (yeah I know they no longer exist) by her friends unwittingly, would that be assault?

Anonymous wrote:Prosecutor here - not every nude image of a child is child pornography.

Well, the intent is sexting.