does sneaky mean he's scared of you and trying to avoid disappointing you and thus getting a lecture? The lyft example sounds less like a sneaky kid and more like a kid who doesn't want to get reamed by him mother again.

love the kid you have not the kid you wish you had.

That is rule #1 of parenting

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not cool to say this but look - not everyone is going to be a dr, lawyer, or banker. There are people who end up as teachers or managers at your local retail bank, or insurance agents and have perfectly respectable families and lives. Went to high school with many such guys and there’s nothing wrong with their lives. It’s just that they aren’t worrying about their promotion to equity partner or jetting off to London for a few days. More like a week at the jersey shore in the summer and a hope for a raise. Maybe start accepting that he’ll have a “regular” life.

You're comparing teachers to bank managers and insurance agents? Most of the teachers I know have Master's degrees.

+ 1

Teachers in the northeast can make good money too, especially considering the amount of time they get off.

I’d be happy if one of my kids wanted to be a teacher. It’s a very respectable profession imo.

I know teacher defense is rampant here, but be honest with yourself about the kind of kid who goes into teaching. IME it’s the B and C students in high school who are really jazzed about having an easy job (since you teach the same shit for 40 straight yrs) with summers off where they can still make decent money esp in the northeast. Let’s be real – it is not the high school valedictorian who is headed to the ivys after high school that is desiring to come back to his school and teach 9th grade history for the next 40 years.

It's also the students who went to college and got silly degrees that they couldn't use to make a living. I can't tell you the # of friends I had with English, Women's Studies, Art History, and 'Insert' Studies who are now teachers after they spent a good 2-4 years making now head-way in the career they wanted.

English degrees are not worthless. Lots of businesses hire English majors. Some English majors go on to law school or into teaching, too.

They are hard to get. You write 12-20 pages for every class and have to read a ton. Lazy mediocre kids do not choose this degree.

Why don't you write what he likes to do and is interested in and what his positives are, and people can give you suggestions for a career or college major.

Anonymous wrote:Your DS is not mediocre, he is lazy, so maybe below mediocre? There is some truth to tiger mom philosophy, if you demand better, you might get better behavior, if you don't demand a higher standard, you get what your get. As well, if you provide him with everything, what is there to try hard for? Parenting fail.

You can't start demanding perfection at 17? Where was mom when he was in 1st grade?

Your DS is not mediocre, he is lazy, so maybe below mediocre? There is some truth to tiger mom philosophy, if you demand better, you might get better behavior, if you don't demand a higher standard, you get what your get. As well, if you provide him with everything, what is there to try hard for? Parenting fail.

He sounds like he has inattentive ADHD, OP. Those kids look lazy and slow-witted, and are anything but. Get him evaluated ASAP.

My son has severe inattentive ADHD. To look at him at school and at home doing his homework, you'd think he was stupid.

Actually he has a gifted IQ.

He takes meds for ADHD and is in a gifted program now, after years of soul-searching and yelling.

On the upside, at least he figured out a way to get to school! problem solver! I'm actually kind of impressed. I'm sure he knew it would piss you off so he didn't tell you - didn't think through the part about how you would see the charges.

That being said, I have known plenty of mediocre/unmotivated people in high school when I was super motivated/ambitious/knew I would go to a good college and make my life something. What ended up happening was I got to college, fell into depression and almost failed out. My mediocre/unmotivated sibling and friends I knew from HS ended up finishing school or going into the military and doing well. I'm fine now, but it was a journey.

Encourage him in whatever he is interested in.

Anonymous wrote:Maybe you should look at your and your ex's parenting and life choices. Maybe that has significantly impacted him, especially by depression.

+1

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think any of this means he's going to end up working at Target. BUT what does sneaky mean? He's sneaky about what? Out getting in trouble? Or do you just mean that he'll tell you he did his hw when he hasn't touched it -- in which case I don't see that as sneaky, so much as lazy.

Is there ANYTHING that interests him? Any chance he's good with his hands/building things? Not every kid HAS to go to college and there are plenty of guys who were C students as best who go to trade school for 6 months, get a job with a contractor and own their own contracting company by age 30 charging $$$$ to re do kitchens or whatever. There are lots of ways to be successful that do not involve a degree from Vassar or Brown or wherever you dreamt your kid would go.

OP here. This.

Additionally, I recently discovered a charge on my cc for a Lyft transaction. I did some inquirying and discovered that he used my credit card to create the Lyft account. He had no plans of telling me until I confronted him. I will frequently give him my credit card to go to the grocery store or to purchase school supplies. Well, apparently he missed the bus for school one day and needed a way there and he opened the Lyft account. I would have totally ok'd the ride and the account, it's just the sneaky way he did it.

OP, I think you need therapy to help you with your feelings toward your son. You opened your post by describing him as the "laziest, sneakiest" and "not brightest" child. Then you list his errors as not doing well in school, saying he has done homework when he hasn't, and not telling you when he used your credit card to get a ride to school. Um, that's not that bad. It sounds like you just don't like him and that kind of thing messes a kid up.

Might I also propose that perhaps he is not "sneaky" but you guys have a communication problem, for which both of you bear some blame?

Also, it's bad for you because you have a child but little/no joy in your relationship with him? And that sucks as a parent. A therapist might help you reframe things so that you see him more positively (like when he used the credit card he used persistence to solve a problem, and maybe he didn't tell you because he felt ashamed about missing his ride in the first place). And be more accepting of who he is so you can be less worried and just enjoy him. No, living in your basement is not a good goal, but maybe every other goal he thinks would be acceptable to you feels unattainable so he has given up.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

because that would require college

You owe him college. If he get in he goes, IMHO.
Having a college degree, in anything, is better than not.
Too often parents say "not worthy" because they're
strapped for cash and looking for reasons to not pay or not help pay.

Has the kid even applied to college? If he hasn't found the motivation to do that, yet, time is running out. Maybe a community college or a full time job would be a better option for him.

Oops, just realized he's a HS junior. Never mind.

^ I'm not a teacher by the way so I have no dog in this fight. I just think it seems like it could be a respectable, rewarding career if you happen to like little kids.

It's so funny to me that on a web site where the vast majority of people are lawyers working for the feds and talking about how much they hated every second of BigLaw and obviously have various (legitimate) complaints about working for the federal government, people still want to put down English majors who go into teaching.

It's amazing.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not cool to say this but look - not everyone is going to be a dr, lawyer, or banker. There are people who end up as teachers or managers at your local retail bank, or insurance agents and have perfectly respectable families and lives. Went to high school with many such guys and there’s nothing wrong with their lives. It’s just that they aren’t worrying about their promotion to equity partner or jetting off to London for a few days. More like a week at the jersey shore in the summer and a hope for a raise. Maybe start accepting that he’ll have a “regular” life.

You're comparing teachers to bank managers and insurance agents? Most of the teachers I know have Master's degrees.

+ 1

Teachers in the northeast can make good money too, especially considering the amount of time they get off.

I’d be happy if one of my kids wanted to be a teacher. It’s a very respectable profession imo.

I know teacher defense is rampant here, but be honest with yourself about the kind of kid who goes into teaching. IME it’s the B and C students in high school who are really jazzed about having an easy job (since you teach the same shit for 40 straight yrs) with summers off where they can still make decent money esp in the northeast. Let’s be real – it is not the high school valedictorian who is headed to the ivys after high school that is desiring to come back to his school and teach 9th grade history for the next 40 years.

It's also the students who went to college and got silly degrees that they couldn't use to make a living. I can't tell you the # of friends I had with English, Women's Studies, Art History, and 'Insert' Studies who are now teachers after they spent a good 2-4 years making now head-way in the career they wanted.

You say this like it's a bad thing though. If they like their daily occupation, what is the problem?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not cool to say this but look - not everyone is going to be a dr, lawyer, or banker. There are people who end up as teachers or managers at your local retail bank, or insurance agents and have perfectly respectable families and lives. Went to high school with many such guys and there’s nothing wrong with their lives. It’s just that they aren’t worrying about their promotion to equity partner or jetting off to London for a few days. More like a week at the jersey shore in the summer and a hope for a raise. Maybe start accepting that he’ll have a “regular” life.

You're comparing teachers to bank managers and insurance agents? Most of the teachers I know have Master's degrees.

+ 1

Teachers in the northeast can make good money too, especially considering the amount of time they get off.

I’d be happy if one of my kids wanted to be a teacher. It’s a very respectable profession imo.

I know teacher defense is rampant here, but be honest with yourself about the kind of kid who goes into teaching. IME it’s the B and C students in high school who are really jazzed about having an easy job (since you teach the same shit for 40 straight yrs) with summers off where they can still make decent money esp in the northeast. Let’s be real – it is not the high school valedictorian who is headed to the ivys after high school that is desiring to come back to his school and teach 9th grade history for the next 40 years.

Eh I really disagree, especially for elementary school. I know a lot of "girly" ultra feminine women who really enjoy little kids and think teaching them is "fun". They were hard workers and got good grades in school.

I disagree but to each their own, lol.