I do know some women who are military spouses that just are closed off and very private because they're so used to moving all the time and don't prioritize making friends because they assume they'll move soon. I think the circumstances basically make it so people who take longer to make friends or are introverted have a hard time and sometimes they stop trying.

If this is the case, it isn't jealousy or any other personal reason.

So... you're trying to reach out to this woman independent of the group dates? Or she's shunning you during the group dates? If the latter, yeah, that sucks and she sucks. If the former... I wouldn't take it personally. If you get the vibe she's unfriendly or cold, then why do you want to be independent friends with her anyway? There's no contract that wives need to be independent friends with each other.

Anonymous wrote:Have any of you delt with a situation where your husband is friends with a guy (who is a nice person) but he's married to a woman that has no interest in being friends with you personally? She's not overtly rude, but just has made it very clear she has no interest in friendship with me even though our husbands are friends. An example being, I reached out to her and she ignored me. She doesn't discuss anything personal, she just let's her husband talk. It's a little awkward because we mostly hang out as a couple.

Yes. It's OK. I don't discuss anything personal with my BF's friend's wives either, and don't meet with them other than at double dates.
My BF has a friend whose wife refuse to go out with his friends because he is not interested in going out with her friends. So, it's my BF, his friend and I when we go out to dinner. I don't take it personally, it's between the friend and his wife. They don't leave me out of the conversation and work talk is a taboo.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just be polite and don't expect anything. Why doesn't your DH just hang out with his friend on his own?

We don't usually do separate things because we have limited time to spend with each other. Plus I like his friend too. There is nothing terribly wrong about his wife, it just hurts when it feels like she rejects my friendship. I'm not looking for a BFF, but just having a better connection to her would make things easier.

You sound needy. You and DH should start doing separate things. Not every weekend but sometimes.
I have my own friends. I have no interest in a friendship with DH’s friend’s wives. Sure, when we invite them over I am nice and chat but I would NOT be building a friendship there.

This.

I have a demanding career and young kids. I really don't have the luxury of time for new friendships. I'll be polite and friendly when I see you, but I won't gossip...and I'm not stupid enough to share personal info about me or my family that could potentially be shared with the other house fraus at school. When I see you at sporting events (where I spend my weekends), I'll say hello and quickly exchange small talk. But then I actually want to watch my kid play and chat with my husband and other children.

My husband is very social and friends with everybody. And that's great. But I'm more introverted and don't feel the need to chat all the time. That doesn't make me a weirdo or a bitch.

No, but the above definitely makes you a bitch.

Also, in the interest of actually...you know, staying relevant to the thread: in this situation, I think the (valid) concern when it comes to personal information would be that things shared with OP would be shared with OP's husband. I know I always feel cognizant of that when sharing with someone we are couple friends with, as opposed to my independent friend.

My DH has a good friend whose wife is, uh, a difficult person. She sometimes fakes being nice to me and that's fine. In general, we are fine. But I don't trust her, I don't really like her and would never in a million years spend time with her or talk to her on my own (without our DHs).

My DH goes to lunch with his friend and sometimes gets a beer after work with him. Maybe twice a year we do something as a family with them. It's probably even less than that. It's fine. Not a huge issue at all.

Anonymous wrote:She likely feels inferior to you because you are prettier, slimmer, more educated or just have more money in your bank account than she does.

Do not take it personally OP - She is just having self~esteem issues.
It is tough for many women to befriend another woman if her self-esteem is quite low.

+1

THIS. Not your problem, OP.

She likely feels inferior to you because you are prettier, slimmer, more educated or just have more money in your bank account than she does.

Do not take it personally OP - She is just having self~esteem issues.
It is tough for many women to befriend another woman if her self-esteem is quite low.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That's me. I don't click with DH's friend wife. Nothing is wrong, I just feel zero connection. I would gladly not join DH but he likes when I am with him. I like his friends, but not their wives.

I try not to take it personally because she doesn't have any close friends in our circle of about 20 couples. That said, I try my best to be friendly to her and wouldn't mind being friends, I respect who she is.

She doesn’t WANT any friends in YOUR circle. She has enough friends. You obviously want more friends. You sound lonely.

"Our circle" is the military speciality we're in. We cannot avoid eachother, we all see each other often. We have to work together on the same mission. The promotions depend on working well together. From a lifestyle standpoint (you can see people's judgement above) we're also isolated from the mainstream. I have friends outside the military, thankfully, but most of us struggle to maintain friendships over moving every 1-3 years. All of the families in our group we're together for about 6 years over 5 moves so we see each other more than our families.

Then why refer to her as husbands friends wife...?
You work together? You see her more than your own family? Yet she is your husbands friends wife??? OK

You are hell-bent on finding something wrong with whatever OP has to say. Give it a rest.

+1

OP is describing PP! Stop being such a petulant child.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That's me. I don't click with DH's friend wife. Nothing is wrong, I just feel zero connection. I would gladly not join DH but he likes when I am with him. I like his friends, but not their wives.

I try not to take it personally because she doesn't have any close friends in our circle of about 20 couples. That said, I try my best to be friendly to her and wouldn't mind being friends, I respect who she is.

She doesn’t WANT any friends in YOUR circle. She has enough friends. You obviously want more friends. You sound lonely.

"Our circle" is the military speciality we're in. We cannot avoid eachother, we all see each other often. We have to work together on the same mission. The promotions depend on working well together. From a lifestyle standpoint (you can see people's judgement above) we're also isolated from the mainstream. I have friends outside the military, thankfully, but most of us struggle to maintain friendships over moving every 1-3 years. All of the families in our group we're together for about 6 years over 5 moves so we see each other more than our families.

Then why refer to her as husbands friends wife...?
You work together? You see her more than your own family? Yet she is your husbands friends wife??? OK

You are hell-bent on finding something wrong with whatever OP has to say. Give it a rest.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm like this. DH's friends don't particularly interest me and their wives interested in a 1950s lifestyle interest me even less. I'm polite and don't feel compelled to be more.

None of us live in a 1950s style. In fact ones of only a few couples who both work in the military. We're all very passionate about what we do, common interests. So it's weird to have all that in common and feel like her husband likes me more as a friend than she does.

Someone else had a weird interaction where we were all at a house warming and my husband, her husband, plus a different wife (not me) were in the bedroom looking at decorations. She only saw two of them (husband, other wife) and had this angry look until she saw my husband. So I guess it could be jealousy. She might view all other women as threats regardless of our marriage status. Again, not sure how I can make her feel more confident that I'm not a threat, if it just takes time.

Actually just reminded me that when I answered the door to the party she walked right past me to hg someone else. Her husband hugged me. Then later that night she said goodbye to the 4 people we were standing with and walked past me without saying a word. So it's little interactions like that, that have just made me wonder what I'm missing.

She's just not interested in being friends with you. It could be that at some point you said/did something that offended her, or it may be that you two just aren't a good personality fit and she's not interested in putting on a show to pretend otherwise. Be pleasant when the two of you are together but otherwise stop trying to force a friendship, because that's only going to make it worse, not better.

I would say if she ignores OP while greeting other people, it’s more than not wanting to be friends.

+1

That woman has big problems, OP.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm like this. DH's friends don't particularly interest me and their wives interested in a 1950s lifestyle interest me even less. I'm polite and don't feel compelled to be more.

None of us live in a 1950s style. In fact ones of only a few couples who both work in the military. We're all very passionate about what we do, common interests. So it's weird to have all that in common and feel like her husband likes me more as a friend than she does.

Someone else had a weird interaction where we were all at a house warming and my husband, her husband, plus a different wife (not me) were in the bedroom looking at decorations. She only saw two of them (husband, other wife) and had this angry look until she saw my husband. So I guess it could be jealousy. She might view all other women as threats regardless of our marriage status. Again, not sure how I can make her feel more confident that I'm not a threat, if it just takes time.

Actually just reminded me that when I answered the door to the party she walked right past me to hg someone else. Her husband hugged me. Then later that night she said goodbye to the 4 people we were standing with and walked past me without saying a word. So it's little interactions like that, that have just made me wonder what I'm missing.

She's just not interested in being friends with you. It could be that at some point you said/did something that offended her, or it may be that you two just aren't a good personality fit and she's not interested in putting on a show to pretend otherwise. Be pleasant when the two of you are together but otherwise stop trying to force a friendship, because that's only going to make it worse, not better.

I would say if she ignores OP while greeting other people, it’s more than not wanting to be friends.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm like this. DH's friends don't particularly interest me and their wives interested in a 1950s lifestyle interest me even less. I'm polite and don't feel compelled to be more.

None of us live in a 1950s style. In fact ones of only a few couples who both work in the military. We're all very passionate about what we do, common interests. So it's weird to have all that in common and feel like her husband likes me more as a friend than she does.

Someone else had a weird interaction where we were all at a house warming and my husband, her husband, plus a different wife (not me) were in the bedroom looking at decorations. She only saw two of them (husband, other wife) and had this angry look until she saw my husband. So I guess it could be jealousy. She might view all other women as threats regardless of our marriage status. Again, not sure how I can make her feel more confident that I'm not a threat, if it just takes time.

Actually just reminded me that when I answered the door to the party she walked right past me to hg someone else. Her husband hugged me. Then later that night she said goodbye to the 4 people we were standing with and walked past me without saying a word. So it's little interactions like that, that have just made me wonder what I'm missing.

She's just not interested in being friends with you. It could be that at some point you said/did something that offended her, or it may be that you two just aren't a good personality fit and she's not interested in putting on a show to pretend otherwise. Be pleasant when the two of you are together but otherwise stop trying to force a friendship, because that's only going to make it worse, not better.

+1

She sees you being normal, pleasant, sociable, friendly and doing the right thing (for your DH) as arse kissing her. Stop. Instead, just treat her the way she treats you. Hurt people hurt people, and clearly she has quite a history, none of which involves you OP, so let it go.

OP, she has social anxieties and probably does not like other women, which means she probably does not like herself very much. She could be unsure of her own sexual identity, or could just be very jealous; and uses her "standoffishness" to try to send a message. I don't think she cares that the message ends up being "I'm insecure and immature and can't be bothered to make a minimal effort". People with class make an effort, people with little or no class do the "closed" act, sometimes to an extreme. You have nothing in common - you know minimal socially acceptable tendencies, she does not. She is clearly trying to make a point, and does not seem to care that her point reflects so poorly on herself. She is too immature to know that you don't want to be BFFs. Honestly, I wouldn't waste your time. Since you asked.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm like this. DH's friends don't particularly interest me and their wives interested in a 1950s lifestyle interest me even less. I'm polite and don't feel compelled to be more.

None of us live in a 1950s style. In fact ones of only a few couples who both work in the military. We're all very passionate about what we do, common interests. So it's weird to have all that in common and feel like her husband likes me more as a friend than she does.

Someone else had a weird interaction where we were all at a house warming and my husband, her husband, plus a different wife (not me) were in the bedroom looking at decorations. She only saw two of them (husband, other wife) and had this angry look until she saw my husband. So I guess it could be jealousy. She might view all other women as threats regardless of our marriage status. Again, not sure how I can make her feel more confident that I'm not a threat, if it just takes time.

Actually just reminded me that when I answered the door to the party she walked right past me to hg someone else. Her husband hugged me. Then later that night she said goodbye to the 4 people we were standing with and walked past me without saying a word. So it's little interactions like that, that have just made me wonder what I'm missing.

She's just not interested in being friends with you. It could be that at some point you said/did something that offended her, or it may be that you two just aren't a good personality fit and she's not interested in putting on a show to pretend otherwise. Be pleasant when the two of you are together but otherwise stop trying to force a friendship, because that's only going to make it worse, not better.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm like this. DH's friends don't particularly interest me and their wives interested in a 1950s lifestyle interest me even less. I'm polite and don't feel compelled to be more.

None of us live in a 1950s style. In fact ones of only a few couples who both work in the military. We're all very passionate about what we do, common interests. So it's weird to have all that in common and feel like her husband likes me more as a friend than she does.

Someone else had a weird interaction where we were all at a house warming and my husband, her husband, plus a different wife (not me) were in the bedroom looking at decorations. She only saw two of them (husband, other wife) and had this angry look until she saw my husband. So I guess it could be jealousy. She might view all other women as threats regardless of our marriage status. Again, not sure how I can make her feel more confident that I'm not a threat, if it just takes time.

Actually just reminded me that when I answered the door to the party she walked right past me to hg someone else. Her husband hugged me. Then later that night she said goodbye to the 4 people we were standing with and walked past me without saying a word. So it's little interactions like that, that have just made me wonder what I'm missing.