Anonymous
Post 01/16/2018 21:57     Subject: MIL sending weight loss videos
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Yes, you CAN tell her to MYOB. I have a MIL who says inappropriate things, and the second she started to discuss my post-partum weight I told her in no uncertain terms "You are not to discuss my weight or appearance or what I eat with me, at all." She never did again. I am not normally that assertive but I chalk it up to post-partum hormones and sleep deprivation


That is not assertive, that was being an ahole. On the bright side the message got through.


Perfectly assertive. Well done.


Fat women are so sensitive and moody.
Anonymous
Post 01/16/2018 21:56     Subject: MIL sending weight loss videos
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Yes, you CAN tell her to MYOB. I have a MIL who says inappropriate things, and the second she started to discuss my post-partum weight I told her in no uncertain terms "You are not to discuss my weight or appearance or what I eat with me, at all." She never did again. I am not normally that assertive but I chalk it up to post-partum hormones and sleep deprivation


That is not assertive, that was being an ahole. On the bright side the message got through.


Well what do you call badgering a 3 week post-partum mom about her weight?


Started to discuss is not badgering, I have a feeling you are a bit sensitive and overdramatic.
Anonymous
Post 01/16/2018 20:02     Subject: Re:MIL sending weight loss videos
My father talked about my weight when he visited a
WEEK after I pushed a human out of my torn anf battered hooha. My mom was horrified. Dh was upstairs but heard me yelling not so nice words and came downstairs to get me given my existing stress level with bfeeding. I was so angry that a month later when he planned to come with my mom who wanted to help me out I told him he was not welcomed and in the future he needs permission to visit me. Hormones really pushed me to the edge but narcissistic personality can put anyone over the edge.
Anonymous
Post 01/16/2018 16:51     Subject: Re:MIL sending weight loss videos
Are you looking for someone to join you in a New Year's resolution? I'm not interested, but I can find some other weight loss options for you if you want. I'll send some your way that some of my friends found worked.
Anonymous
Post 01/16/2018 15:12     Subject: MIL sending weight loss videos
It's pretty standard across cultures to not body-shame a new mum. Having said that, some cultures/parents are also nosy as hell.

I'd make it a plan with DH that he opens the mail from now on and if it's anything he thinks could *possibly* offend you, to throw it out and not tell you.

If he fails this basic task, you have an uphill battle. With him, not her.
Anonymous
Post 01/16/2018 13:22     Subject: MIL sending weight loss videos
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I think you can nicely tell her to drop this subject. You do have a husband problem, though. He needs to stop dismissing your feelings, and have your back better, especially in facilitating things with his family. He really ought to tell his mother, on your behalf, to stop with the weight loss stuff.

I have a MIL who'd fake exclaim that I'd lost weight, every other time she saw me, (and she saw me often). I carry an unvarying amount of extra weight. She thought she was cleverly pointing out how fat I am, and trying to shame me. Didn't work.

She'd also fake exclaim about my hair, once I started getting grey streaks, saying Oh did you dye your hair--it looks so pretty! when obviously I have grey streaks, year in, year out, that I don't dye.

I just always looked at her blankly, like she was crazy, and then smiled and said nothing. I am the smirking Grey Rock DIL from hell, to her.



This. I'm surprised it took two pages for this to come up. Your husband needs to care about how you feel and back you up. ASAP.


My turn to be surprised. The husband needs to speak for his wife? Is her speech somehow impaired to the point that no one understands her? Or are you denying her any agency, because she is female?

OP, if it bothers you, speak up politely and firmly. It's not as difficult as it may seem.

Oh, and stop listening to DCUM feminazis. They will call themselves feminists, then turn around and tell your man to intervene on your behalf while you simmer in resentment.
Anonymous
Post 01/16/2018 13:07     Subject: MIL sending weight loss videos
Anonymous wrote:"Why is my weight important to you?"

"My doctor is happy with my current health"

"Shut the fuck up, bitch. Oops, sorry, I'm hormonal"


Anonymous
Post 01/16/2018 12:39     Subject: MIL sending weight loss videos
Anonymous wrote:I think you can nicely tell her to drop this subject. You do have a husband problem, though. He needs to stop dismissing your feelings, and have your back better, especially in facilitating things with his family. He really ought to tell his mother, on your behalf, to stop with the weight loss stuff.

I have a MIL who'd fake exclaim that I'd lost weight, every other time she saw me, (and she saw me often). I carry an unvarying amount of extra weight. She thought she was cleverly pointing out how fat I am, and trying to shame me. Didn't work.

She'd also fake exclaim about my hair, once I started getting grey streaks, saying Oh did you dye your hair--it looks so pretty! when obviously I have grey streaks, year in, year out, that I don't dye.

I just always looked at her blankly, like she was crazy, and then smiled and said nothing. I am the smirking Grey Rock DIL from hell, to her.





This. I'm surprised it took two pages for this to come up. Your husband needs to care about how you feel and back you up. ASAP.
Anonymous
Post 01/16/2018 12:26     Subject: MIL sending weight loss videos
Anonymous wrote:Would you be offended if your MIL sent you weight loss videos if you were 3 months post partum? I’m up 10 lbs from my pre-pregnancy weight (124 lbs instead of 114 lbs, i’m 5’2). I am just pissed off that she sends me garbage (and not even useful garbage. It was a dieting video from India on how to lose 20 lbs in 2 weeks). She also texts me that I need to eat well. I do actually eat decently. Since I can’t tell her to mind her own business in real life, I thought venting to DCUM would make me feel better. My husband doesn’t understand.


Why not? Yes, this is extremely offensive coming from anybody.
Anonymous
Post 01/13/2018 21:15     Subject: MIL sending weight loss videos
Send her back videos about etiquette and manners for dummies
Anonymous
Post 01/13/2018 13:36     Subject: MIL sending weight loss videos
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I think you can nicely tell her to drop this subject. You do have a husband problem, though. He needs to stop dismissing your feelings, and have your back better, especially in facilitating things with his family. He really ought to tell his mother, on your behalf, to stop with the weight loss stuff.

I have a MIL who'd fake exclaim that I'd lost weight, every other time she saw me, (and she saw me often). I carry an unvarying amount of extra weight. She thought she was cleverly pointing out how fat I am, and trying to shame me. Didn't work.

She'd also fake exclaim about my hair, once I started getting grey streaks, saying Oh did you dye your hair--it looks so pretty! when obviously I have grey streaks, year in, year out, that I don't dye.

I just always looked at her blankly, like she was crazy, and then smiled and said nothing. I am the smirking Grey Rock DIL from hell, to her.


Well, I think you are absolutely magnificent.


Haha, me too, I have always been a grey rock with my ILs and their bragging, pointing out how cute, thin and accomplished other women my age are that they know, and telling their stories that have a lesson or agenda for me. They once said I reminded them of the Mona Lisa because of my expression.


Awesome. By not responding, you just consolidate interpersonal power. Eventually is just becomes amusing.

I hope they eventually find a way to be happy without trying to make others feel bad. Glad you are taking care of yourself well.
Anonymous
Post 01/13/2018 13:30     Subject: MIL sending weight loss videos
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I think you can nicely tell her to drop this subject. You do have a husband problem, though. He needs to stop dismissing your feelings, and have your back better, especially in facilitating things with his family. He really ought to tell his mother, on your behalf, to stop with the weight loss stuff.

I have a MIL who'd fake exclaim that I'd lost weight, every other time she saw me, (and she saw me often). I carry an unvarying amount of extra weight. She thought she was cleverly pointing out how fat I am, and trying to shame me. Didn't work.

She'd also fake exclaim about my hair, once I started getting grey streaks, saying Oh did you dye your hair--it looks so pretty! when obviously I have grey streaks, year in, year out, that I don't dye.

I just always looked at her blankly, like she was crazy, and then smiled and said nothing. I am the smirking Grey Rock DIL from hell, to her.


Well, I think you are absolutely magnificent.


Haha, me too, I have always been a grey rock with my ILs and their bragging, pointing out how cute, thin and accomplished other women my age are that they know, and telling their stories that have a lesson or agenda for me. They once said I reminded them of the Mona Lisa because of my expression.
Anonymous
Post 01/13/2018 12:32     Subject: MIL sending weight loss videos
Anonymous wrote:I think you can nicely tell her to drop this subject. You do have a husband problem, though. He needs to stop dismissing your feelings, and have your back better, especially in facilitating things with his family. He really ought to tell his mother, on your behalf, to stop with the weight loss stuff.

I have a MIL who'd fake exclaim that I'd lost weight, every other time she saw me, (and she saw me often). I carry an unvarying amount of extra weight. She thought she was cleverly pointing out how fat I am, and trying to shame me. Didn't work.

She'd also fake exclaim about my hair, once I started getting grey streaks, saying Oh did you dye your hair--it looks so pretty! when obviously I have grey streaks, year in, year out, that I don't dye.

I just always looked at her blankly, like she was crazy, and then smiled and said nothing. I am the smirking Grey Rock DIL from hell, to her.


Well, I think you are absolutely magnificent.
Anonymous
Post 01/13/2018 12:09     Subject: MIL sending weight loss videos
Just let it roll off your back. I don’t get why this is such a big deal. Say, okay, thanks, and move on. Why does everything need to be so drawn out and battled over in DCUM land?
Anonymous
Post 01/12/2018 14:08     Subject: MIL sending weight loss videos
The first sentence I learned to say in MIL's native language was: If I wanted your opinion, I would ask for it.