Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for the replies. He's always been the needy type but it's started to get out of hand over the last 6 months or so. He really is a great guy and good father so I feel bad complaining. Our sex life has suffered because I have a hard time getting in the mood when he's like this. I didn't think it was anxiety/depression but that does makes sense. I do think I would eventually leave if things kept going on this way.

Get him to the doctor, OP--for the respiratory crap and describe the behavior.

And talk with him--ask him what the heck is going on, if you can.

That long of a cough and post nasal drip, he may well have a sinus infection and feel like shit. So that may be part of it.

But if he is like this normally, and not just while ill, then something else is wrong.

I'd push hard on getting him to go to the doctor.

Anonymous wrote:there is no way this is a real post. No guy would be needy like that. "you don't love me" and "am I fat." This sounds more like the DW in the relationship. This is one of those flop the gender and see the response.

I don't know if the post is real, but the whining and the fat thing are not all that uncommon among younger guys. May be a Millennial thing LOL

Anonymous wrote:Question: do you ever actually give your DH undivided attention or show love to him? He does sound incredibly insecure, but it also sounds like you ignore him constantly so he is doing whatever he can do get you to pay attention to him. Of course his neediness is repulsive, but perhaps it derives from a genuine unmet need.

This is a fair question. In truth I don't give anyone undivided attention as we're constantly tending to the kids. At night, I do try to turn off all devices and have a conversation but that typically is when the augments start. Last night was actually great because he watched a football game while I hung some pictures. We chatted during commercials. He did ask me if I was mad him a couple of times, but at least no fighting!

And I assume he might be going through what lots of men do when they have children. They become childlike themselves because they resent how the attention has been shifted to the children so to try and reclaim it they whine and pout. Ugh. So unattractive. Becoming parents is crazy time consuming and priorities change.

Question: do you ever actually give your DH undivided attention or show love to him? He does sound incredibly insecure, but it also sounds like you ignore him constantly so he is doing whatever he can do get you to pay attention to him. Of course his neediness is repulsive, but perhaps it derives from a genuine unmet need.

How did you marry this man? I couldn't walk to the corner store with him!

Anonymous wrote:there is no way this is a real post. No guy would be needy like that. "you don't love me" and "am I fat." This sounds more like the DW in the relationship. This is one of those flop the gender and see the response.

Sadly this is 100% real. He was a chubby kid and then got really fit and thin in his 30s. In the last couple years he's gained quite a bit of weight and has a full on dad bod. He knows this but I don't dare tell him the truth. I do remind him that I gained and lost 40lbs twice to have kids and that he should really STFU about it and drink less craft beer!

Anonymous wrote:there is no way this is a real post. No guy would be needy like that. "you don't love me" and "am I fat." This sounds more like the DW in the relationship. This is one of those flop the gender and see the response.

Not the OP but my husband does the fat thing too. He is not fat and it is so annoying.

there is no way this is a real post. No guy would be needy like that. "you don't love me" and "am I fat." This sounds more like the DW in the relationship. This is one of those flop the gender and see the response.

Sounds like an beta cuck

OP, clearly you are his “safe” person because he dumps all his insecurities on you compulsively and doesn’t think there will be any consequences for his behavior. He needs to recognize that he could lose you and destroy your relationship. That might get him to treatment.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, his behavior reminds me of my father's, and that story has a rather sad ending. DH needs counseling.

What happened to him?

He was never properly diagnosed, but he has severe personality issues that prevented him from achieving his full potential as a professional and as a human being. He's also been depressed for decades with suicidal tendencies. He never got medication and/or counseling and self-medicated with alcohol. His alcoholism destroyed his already broken personality, his professional life, and his family. Neither my mother, nor I want to have anything to do with this violently ill man. None of his extended family want to do anything with him. He is isolated and miserable at his 70 years of age blaming everyone for abandoning him.

What OP describes reminds me of my family when I was young. My father was incredibly insecure in the relationship, constantly asked for validation, was a hypochondriac etc. I always thought it stemmed from childhood trauma. He was/is incredibly shy and socially awkward. He had to be separated from his parents at a relatively young age. Their village didn't have school beyond primary, and he went to a boarding school in town. There was no support system in place for someone like him at the time. But then he grew up and made his adult choices, so I'm unwilling to excuse him because his childhood wasn't ideal.

He definitely should see a M.D. & get a prescription for some effective medication in the process.
He also requires therapy on top of that for his obsessive comments.

*A Little Trazadone would be nice for him at night btw....”

You need your space.
He is making you feel oppressed and living like this will become so unbearable that eventually you will not be able to share a roof w/this person.

No exceptions.
He gets the help he needs.
Stat.

Is he like this with anybody else besides you? How does he function at work?