Anonymous wrote:Another middle school counselor here. Yep, pretty common. Still quite worrisome, but not outside the bounds of predictable 14-yeR-old behavior. Agree that safety, digital footprint, reputation, privacy would be my biggest concerns. Contact the providers to get any explicit images taken down if possible. Tell the school what’s going on so they can support you too and handle any fallout there. Read the recent New York Times article by Lisa D’Amour:
https://www.nytimes.com/2018/01/02/well/family/teenagers-stop-asking-for-nude-photos.html

Wondering in what type of middle school you work? It's not at all "pretty common" where I work.

Anonymous wrote:OP, obviously you have a lot of stuff going on with her. Sexting at 14 is unusual behavior. I suspect it's not the only troubling thing she does.

You need a global approach for dealing with her. This isn't about a phone, this is about a child exhibiting very troubling behavior that is quite dangerous. I would advise you not to get caught up in nonsense details like what kind of phone she has and look at the bigger picture.

She needs help. You have 4 years to get it under control and then you can't make her do Jack shit. Four years sounds like a long time, everyone on here will tell you is a blink.

Get her help. Get her help.

This exactly. I would find a therapist immediately.

Another middle school counselor here. Yep, pretty common. Still quite worrisome, but not outside the bounds of predictable 14-yeR-old behavior. Agree that safety, digital footprint, reputation, privacy would be my biggest concerns. Contact the providers to get any explicit images taken down if possible. Tell the school what’s going on so they can support you too and handle any fallout there. Read the recent New York Times article by Lisa D’Amour:
https://www.nytimes.com/2018/01/02/well/family/teenagers-stop-asking-for-nude-photos.html

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread cracks me up. I did all of this stuff 17 years ago and my parents had no clue. As an adult I am successful by every single measure of the word. Teens are going to be teens and his is just a modern way they are going to rebel and it's not that deep.

In the 70s when i was in 7th grade i was having sex with girls. Behind our neighbors doors and on the hammocks and by the willow tree. Remember it well. You elites are insane. This has been part of life forever. Teach her that digital can never be erased but sex is just sex

This!! Do what you will, be safe, but for goodness sake don't leave a trail!

Anonymous wrote:This thread cracks me up. I did all of this stuff 17 years ago and my parents had no clue. As an adult I am successful by every single measure of the word. Teens are going to be teens and his is just a modern way they are going to rebel and it's not that deep.

In the 70s when i was in 7th grade i was having sex with girls. Behind our neighbors doors and on the hammocks and by the willow tree. Remember it well. You elites are insane. This has been part of life forever. Teach her that digital can never be erased but sex is just sex

This thread cracks me up. I did all of this stuff 17 years ago and my parents had no clue. As an adult I am successful by every single measure of the word. Teens are going to be teens and his is just a modern way they are going to rebel and it's not that deep.

Anonymous wrote:I will chime in to disagree that a 14 year old sexting is totally atypical and the sign of a troubled kid. It's nothing to be cavalier about, of course, but come on. 14 year olds are sexual. They push boundaries. They are impulsive and stupid.

I agree. I’m a middle school counselor and unfortunately it’s extremely common.

And guess what? When I was in middle school, my friends and I used to chat with people in AOL chat rooms including sexual banter (which we made up as none of s was sexually active). So it’s not a new issue.

Im sorry OP. I agree you need to shut this down. The fact that she borrowed a friend’s phone to do this is really alarming. Almost like it’s addictice.

Find the news articles online to show her about all the bad things that can happen because of what she's doing. Maybe if she sees the reality, she'll understand.

OP I feel for you.
I understand that some kids are more difficult than others. Sometimes it's poor parenting and sometimes it's other circumstances.

Tha important thing is you realize there is an issue and you are working to do what is best for your DD. I think it's time to consult a professional. I urge you and your DH to meet with a family therapist yourselves and to find someone for your DD to meet with as well. Could be the same person or someone different.

Although you will get some well meaning advice here, only some of it will apply to your specific situation. And, since DCUMs can be so judgmental you will get beat up more often than getting good advice. Might be more helpful move away from anonymous advice from strangers and move forward to professionals.

Anonymous wrote:This is a tough one OP.

You need to put her on birth control asap. Then haul her butt in for a full battery of STD testing. Take her bedroom door off. Password protect your wi-fi, or change the current password.

final step is to order a bunch of brochures for boarding schools and leave them around for her to see them.

Too tough. That's how you lose your kid, forever.

Anonymous wrote:The fact that you don’t want to involve her FATHER and the fact that she even still has a phone tell me all I need to know about your parenting. Sounds like “trying to talk to her” and making excuses or giving her ours has blown up in your face. She needs punishment, consequences, and discipline. She’s clearly not afraid of you, of getting punished, or getting caught. I know the liberal losers will say “but OMG!!!! Your child should never fear you!!!” But THIS is what happens when there is no fear of God in a teenager.

Maybe this can be a lesson to others.

Well said.

I will chime in to disagree that a 14 year old sexting is totally atypical and the sign of a troubled kid. It's nothing to be cavalier about, of course, but come on. 14 year olds are sexual. They push boundaries. They are impulsive and stupid.

Too many people missed the fact that the DD went ahead and just borrowed a friend's phone so lack of her own phone is not necessarily going to stop the situation.

In terms of sexting, it's possible what she doesn't quite know or understand all of the info she sends. I mean at 14 you don't just one day out of the blue know and understand sexual banter. When I was a teen, you heard stuff from other kids but I am guessing she simply googled it and copy and pasted some phrases.

In terms of what to do, you will probably have to set more limits on technology in your own home, limit her out of school time to people and places you know and who will agree to monitor her, maybe even get a short term after school nanny, and definitely seek counseling for her and your family.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, obviously you have a lot of stuff going on with her. Sexting at 14 is unusual behavior. I suspect it's not the only troubling thing she does.

You need a global approach for dealing with her. This isn't about a phone, this is about a child exhibiting very troubling behavior that is quite dangerous. I would advise you not to get caught up in nonsense details like what kind of phone she has and look at the bigger picture.

She needs help. You have 4 years to get it under control and then you can't make her do Jack shit. Four years sounds like a long time, everyone on here will tell you is a blink.

Get her help. Get her help.

You're right she needs help. You're wrong that it's atypical behavior. Welcome to 2018 (or 2015 really).

I know what year it is. I have teenagers and I work with teenagers. Sexting at 14 is not unheard of but it is not typical. It's a sign of a very trouble kid.

+1 I work in a middle school. Although certainly quite a few do it, sexting is not typical behavior for the average 14 year old girl.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, obviously you have a lot of stuff going on with her. Sexting at 14 is unusual behavior. I suspect it's not the only troubling thing she does.

You need a global approach for dealing with her. This isn't about a phone, this is about a child exhibiting very troubling behavior that is quite dangerous. I would advise you not to get caught up in nonsense details like what kind of phone she has and look at the bigger picture.

She needs help. You have 4 years to get it under control and then you can't make her do Jack shit. Four years sounds like a long time, everyone on here will tell you is a blink.

Get her help. Get her help.

You're right she needs help. You're wrong that it's atypical behavior. Welcome to 2018 (or 2015 really).

I know what year it is. I have teenagers and I work with teenagers. Sexting at 14 is not unheard of but it is not typical. It's a sign of a very trouble kid.