Anonymous wrote:I am assuming a lot of you have never dealt with a functionally mentally ill person before, or you may be that functionally mental ill person who everyone in your family is having to tolerate. Which may explain some of the hit dog will holler responses.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am assuming a lot of you have never dealt with a functionally mentally ill person before, or you may be that functionally mental ill person who everyone in your family is having to tolerate. Which may explain some of the hit dog will holler responses.

I think what people are trying to say is not that the OP doesn’t have an extremely difficult situation. I think people are saying that the action she took (sending the text) wasn’t going to lead to an outcome that would improve the situation. I think a lot of people acknowledged the “caretaker hell” the OP was in, and the need for her to find both assistance and a way to vent/release, but sending the text wasn’t the way to go about it.

I think a lot of people on DCUM HAVE dealt with functionally mental ill people, and there is remarkable consistency in what they offer in terms of advice:
-Do not expect change in behavior
-Diistance yourself from the situation
-Seek counseling/therapy/etc for yourself to help you deal with the struggles that come with dealing with someone else’s mental illness

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am assuming a lot of you have never dealt with a functionally mentally ill person before, or you may be that functionally mental ill person who everyone in your family is having to tolerate. Which may explain some of the hit dog will holler responses.

I must have missed something. Can you point out things that OP has said the sister has done to her? Harmful, mean, hateful, toxic, or abusive things?

Anonymous wrote:I am assuming a lot of you have never dealt with a functionally mentally ill person before, or you may be that functionally mental ill person who everyone in your family is having to tolerate. Which may explain some of the hit dog will holler responses.

Anonymous wrote:I am assuming a lot of you have never dealt with a functionally mentally ill person before, or you may be that functionally mental ill person who everyone in your family is having to tolerate. Which may explain some of the hit dog will holler responses.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you truly believe she is struggling with mental illness, it's not reasonable to believe that she is making a conscious choice to behave the way she does just to upset you.

+1, you have some significant mental health issues in your family. She needs love and support not you being nasty.

That's the thing, I wasn't nasty. I was honest and I am tired. I'm tired of pretending like there isn't a very clear problem. I am tired of my dad pretending like I am not the only one who is taking care of him emotionally. Minus me he would be alone. The brunt is on me, but the credit is being shared. Now that my mom is gone everything is on me, but no one will acknowledge it. I am the strong one and I am absolutely sick of the roll.

Anonymous wrote:After many years of not confronting my middle sister (I am the youngest of three girls) about her very clear mental disorders I finally told her about herself tonight via text. I wasn't the least bit angry and stated everything in a very matter of fact tone. It bugs me because my parents (mom is now deceased) have always skirted around the elephant in the room when it comes to her. My oldest sister is a diagnosed schizophrenic, so I think it's always been painful for my parents to have to admit that another one of their children is not well. My oldest sister is completely disabled by her disease; however, the sister in question is somewhat functioning, which makes her disorders easier to ignore/deny. She has extreme social phobia, she is a virgin at 41 and has never dated (or been kissed as far as I know) in her life. She does not have any friends and rarely comes around the family.

I have talked to her, but have not seen her since our mothers funeral almost 3 years ago. She constantly comes up with excuses for why she can't do something and will typically deflect her inadequacies back on to you. She's a typical gaslighter and in general a drain on energy. I am done allowing her to pass her bs off as normal, so I told her about herself. Since our mom died, I have been left with the full brunt of our ageing father, while she gets to claim she is doing this and that from afar, which she is not. Every holiday it is me, my dad and the kids, never my sisters. Oldest sister is excused, but the sister who won't own the problems she has is actually the harder pill to swallow because she is so full of shit. I guess this is more of a vent thread than anything, but I really am sick of it. Christmas is in 4 days and it will be me and my dad again. I just want my dad to call a spade a spade so we can cut the shenanigans with her.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you always have the option of setting boundaries with people in your life. That looks like this "Miranda, I will not answer the phone anymore when you call me after 9 pm obsessing about your health crises, and I will only listen for 15 minutes when you discuss whether the neighbors are trying to kill you. Please be on notice of these rules."

However, telling people they are psychotic/mentally ill/paranoid/schizo/borderline/green-peppered is not setting boundaries. It is simply telling people off and blasting them. You are not the Diagnoser of Maladies and having a diagnosis does not make anyone's life easier. In fact, it can make a mentally ill person even more anxious to hear someone angrily text/scream that they are considered mentally ill.

My mother is very seriously mentally ill and my brother recently shrieked at her "You're psychotic! You're psychotic! Leave me alone!" Now she ruminates constantly on his "diagnosis" of her as psychotic, leaving me long phone messages with 59 reasons why she's not psychotic. How helpful was this diagnosis to her (and the rest of us), OP?

Funny thing is, my texting her is the boundary I've set. I limit interaction with her and have blocked her on a few occasions.

I really do appreciate the constructive feedback from some of you, it's quite helpful. Quickly scrolling past the bs comments and not reading.

Anonymous wrote:I am surprised how many unsympathetic responses OP is getting . Shows how stepping in and helping out is a fruitless job. PP got it right, lower expectations to O. Nothing coining from your sister nor your father that would help your mental stability. I am sorry OP, I feel you.

Anonymous wrote:I am surprised how many unsympathetic responses OP is getting . Shows how stepping in and helping out is a fruitless job. PP got it right, lower expectations to O. Nothing coining from your sister nor your father that would help your mental stability. I am sorry OP, I feel you.

Anonymous wrote:OP, you always have the option of setting boundaries with people in your life. That looks like this "Miranda, I will not answer the phone anymore when you call me after 9 pm obsessing about your health crises, and I will only listen for 15 minutes when you discuss whether the neighbors are trying to kill you. Please be on notice of these rules."

However, telling people they are psychotic/mentally ill/paranoid/schizo/borderline/green-peppered is not setting boundaries. It is simply telling people off and blasting them. You are not the Diagnoser of Maladies and having a diagnosis does not make anyone's life easier. In fact, it can make a mentally ill person even more anxious to hear someone angrily text/scream that they are considered mentally ill.

My mother is very seriously mentally ill and my brother recently shrieked at her "You're psychotic! You're psychotic! Leave me alone!" Now she ruminates constantly on his "diagnosis" of her as psychotic, leaving me long phone messages with 59 reasons why she's not psychotic. How helpful was this diagnosis to her (and the rest of us), OP?