Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: This gets at a post I started in the general school section and people disagreed. Bullying is a RED FLAG IMO for emotional disturbance and the kid needs to be identified and sent for help. It could be the child is a victim too. It could be the child has poor sense of empathy or even is showing signs of a personality disorder. The victim may be the identified patient, but the truly disturbed person is the bully. It is not a sign of being strong, it is a sign of emotional disorder. It is beyond comprehension that you take victims out of class for a group. Maybe support the victims in a lunch group, but miss class? Meanwhile get on the case of the families of bullies until they get help and take it seriously. Society is changing and your little bully may no longer have the potential to be a CEO. Now he may end up like a shunned loser like all the people getting taken down recently.

I agree. In a bullying case, the school admin. needs to immediately do the following:
1) Validate the victim. Tell him/her that they were indeed being bullied and that the behavior of the bully is unacceptable - period. Impress onto the victim that the bully will be dealt with. The victim should not have to miss class for any kind of "mediation" BS.
2) Deal with the bully. Haul him/her into the principal's office, call the parents, guidance counselor, etc. Agree on punishment. There need to be immediate consequences - suspension, apologizing to victim, etc.
3) Then, and only then, should more investigation into the bully's background, home life, etc. be undertaken. Certainly, some bullies come from homes that foster that kind of behavior. But more often than not, as another PP pointed out, bullies are just run-of-the-mill assholes. If it turns out there are larger issues, then therapy needs to be set up for the bully. But if not, the parents need to get on board and admit what their child has done and agree to work with the school to prevent it from ever happening again.
4) The bully needs to be told that s/he will be suspended or even expelled if the bullying continues, or if any of the bully's friends take retribution on the victim. And then the school needs to actually FOLLOW THROUGH.

Nope. In many cases the aggressor may actually be the student who has been harassed, which is why the more holistic approach makes sense.

Nope. The "aggressor" - bully - needs to face consequences immediately. Regardless of the bully's background story, s/he needs to realize bullying is unacceptable. After that, admin can get to the bottom of their behavior and see if therapy/intervention is warranted. The victim needs to see the bully face consequences. Period.

Fortunately, you aren’t establishing or administering the policy. Easy for some parent sure her own kid could only be a victim to decide who should be labeled a “bully” and disciplined. Not so simple for those who actually want to mentor adolescents. Period.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: This gets at a post I started in the general school section and people disagreed. Bullying is a RED FLAG IMO for emotional disturbance and the kid needs to be identified and sent for help. It could be the child is a victim too. It could be the child has poor sense of empathy or even is showing signs of a personality disorder. The victim may be the identified patient, but the truly disturbed person is the bully. It is not a sign of being strong, it is a sign of emotional disorder. It is beyond comprehension that you take victims out of class for a group. Maybe support the victims in a lunch group, but miss class? Meanwhile get on the case of the families of bullies until they get help and take it seriously. Society is changing and your little bully may no longer have the potential to be a CEO. Now he may end up like a shunned loser like all the people getting taken down recently.

I agree. In a bullying case, the school admin. needs to immediately do the following:
1) Validate the victim. Tell him/her that they were indeed being bullied and that the behavior of the bully is unacceptable - period. Impress onto the victim that the bully will be dealt with. The victim should not have to miss class for any kind of "mediation" BS.
2) Deal with the bully. Haul him/her into the principal's office, call the parents, guidance counselor, etc. Agree on punishment. There need to be immediate consequences - suspension, apologizing to victim, etc.
3) Then, and only then, should more investigation into the bully's background, home life, etc. be undertaken. Certainly, some bullies come from homes that foster that kind of behavior. But more often than not, as another PP pointed out, bullies are just run-of-the-mill assholes. If it turns out there are larger issues, then therapy needs to be set up for the bully. But if not, the parents need to get on board and admit what their child has done and agree to work with the school to prevent it from ever happening again.
4) The bully needs to be told that s/he will be suspended or even expelled if the bullying continues, or if any of the bully's friends take retribution on the victim. And then the school needs to actually FOLLOW THROUGH.

Nope. In many cases the aggressor may actually be the student who has been harassed, which is why the more holistic approach makes sense.

Nope. The "aggressor" - bully - needs to face consequences immediately. Regardless of the bully's background story, s/he needs to realize bullying is unacceptable. After that, admin can get to the bottom of their behavior and see if therapy/intervention is warranted. The victim needs to see the bully face consequences. Period.

Fortunately, you aren’t establishing or administering the policy. Easy for some parent sure her own kid could only be a victim to decide who should be labeled a “bully” and disciplined. Not so simple for those who actually want to mentor adolescents. Period.

Do 15 year old rapists deserve consequences or are they just misunderstood?

Rapists are usually referred to as “rapists,” not “bullies” (although in some cases youths are wrongly accused of rape by parents who don’t want to believe their children would engage in consensual sex).

Does the difference matter? Unwanted touch is unwanted touch.

PP must be the parent of a bully.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: This gets at a post I started in the general school section and people disagreed. Bullying is a RED FLAG IMO for emotional disturbance and the kid needs to be identified and sent for help. It could be the child is a victim too. It could be the child has poor sense of empathy or even is showing signs of a personality disorder. The victim may be the identified patient, but the truly disturbed person is the bully. It is not a sign of being strong, it is a sign of emotional disorder. It is beyond comprehension that you take victims out of class for a group. Maybe support the victims in a lunch group, but miss class? Meanwhile get on the case of the families of bullies until they get help and take it seriously. Society is changing and your little bully may no longer have the potential to be a CEO. Now he may end up like a shunned loser like all the people getting taken down recently.

I agree. In a bullying case, the school admin. needs to immediately do the following:
1) Validate the victim. Tell him/her that they were indeed being bullied and that the behavior of the bully is unacceptable - period. Impress onto the victim that the bully will be dealt with. The victim should not have to miss class for any kind of "mediation" BS.
2) Deal with the bully. Haul him/her into the principal's office, call the parents, guidance counselor, etc. Agree on punishment. There need to be immediate consequences - suspension, apologizing to victim, etc.
3) Then, and only then, should more investigation into the bully's background, home life, etc. be undertaken. Certainly, some bullies come from homes that foster that kind of behavior. But more often than not, as another PP pointed out, bullies are just run-of-the-mill assholes. If it turns out there are larger issues, then therapy needs to be set up for the bully. But if not, the parents need to get on board and admit what their child has done and agree to work with the school to prevent it from ever happening again.
4) The bully needs to be told that s/he will be suspended or even expelled if the bullying continues, or if any of the bully's friends take retribution on the victim. And then the school needs to actually FOLLOW THROUGH.

Nope. In many cases the aggressor may actually be the student who has been harassed, which is why the more holistic approach makes sense.

Nope. The "aggressor" - bully - needs to face consequences immediately. Regardless of the bully's background story, s/he needs to realize bullying is unacceptable. After that, admin can get to the bottom of their behavior and see if therapy/intervention is warranted. The victim needs to see the bully face consequences. Period.

Fortunately, you aren’t establishing or administering the policy. Easy for some parent sure her own kid could only be a victim to decide who should be labeled a “bully” and disciplined. Not so simple for those who actually want to mentor adolescents. Period.

Do 15 year old rapists deserve consequences or are they just misunderstood?

Rapists are usually referred to as “rapists,” not “bullies” (although in some cases youths are wrongly accused of rape by parents who don’t want to believe their children would engage in consensual sex).

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: This gets at a post I started in the general school section and people disagreed. Bullying is a RED FLAG IMO for emotional disturbance and the kid needs to be identified and sent for help. It could be the child is a victim too. It could be the child has poor sense of empathy or even is showing signs of a personality disorder. The victim may be the identified patient, but the truly disturbed person is the bully. It is not a sign of being strong, it is a sign of emotional disorder. It is beyond comprehension that you take victims out of class for a group. Maybe support the victims in a lunch group, but miss class? Meanwhile get on the case of the families of bullies until they get help and take it seriously. Society is changing and your little bully may no longer have the potential to be a CEO. Now he may end up like a shunned loser like all the people getting taken down recently.

I agree. In a bullying case, the school admin. needs to immediately do the following:
1) Validate the victim. Tell him/her that they were indeed being bullied and that the behavior of the bully is unacceptable - period. Impress onto the victim that the bully will be dealt with. The victim should not have to miss class for any kind of "mediation" BS.
2) Deal with the bully. Haul him/her into the principal's office, call the parents, guidance counselor, etc. Agree on punishment. There need to be immediate consequences - suspension, apologizing to victim, etc.
3) Then, and only then, should more investigation into the bully's background, home life, etc. be undertaken. Certainly, some bullies come from homes that foster that kind of behavior. But more often than not, as another PP pointed out, bullies are just run-of-the-mill assholes. If it turns out there are larger issues, then therapy needs to be set up for the bully. But if not, the parents need to get on board and admit what their child has done and agree to work with the school to prevent it from ever happening again.
4) The bully needs to be told that s/he will be suspended or even expelled if the bullying continues, or if any of the bully's friends take retribution on the victim. And then the school needs to actually FOLLOW THROUGH.

Nope. In many cases the aggressor may actually be the student who has been harassed, which is why the more holistic approach makes sense.

Nope. The "aggressor" - bully - needs to face consequences immediately. Regardless of the bully's background story, s/he needs to realize bullying is unacceptable. After that, admin can get to the bottom of their behavior and see if therapy/intervention is warranted. The victim needs to see the bully face consequences. Period.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: This gets at a post I started in the general school section and people disagreed. Bullying is a RED FLAG IMO for emotional disturbance and the kid needs to be identified and sent for help. It could be the child is a victim too. It could be the child has poor sense of empathy or even is showing signs of a personality disorder. The victim may be the identified patient, but the truly disturbed person is the bully. It is not a sign of being strong, it is a sign of emotional disorder. It is beyond comprehension that you take victims out of class for a group. Maybe support the victims in a lunch group, but miss class? Meanwhile get on the case of the families of bullies until they get help and take it seriously. Society is changing and your little bully may no longer have the potential to be a CEO. Now he may end up like a shunned loser like all the people getting taken down recently.

I agree. In a bullying case, the school admin. needs to immediately do the following:
1) Validate the victim. Tell him/her that they were indeed being bullied and that the behavior of the bully is unacceptable - period. Impress onto the victim that the bully will be dealt with. The victim should not have to miss class for any kind of "mediation" BS.
2) Deal with the bully. Haul him/her into the principal's office, call the parents, guidance counselor, etc. Agree on punishment. There need to be immediate consequences - suspension, apologizing to victim, etc.
3) Then, and only then, should more investigation into the bully's background, home life, etc. be undertaken. Certainly, some bullies come from homes that foster that kind of behavior. But more often than not, as another PP pointed out, bullies are just run-of-the-mill assholes. If it turns out there are larger issues, then therapy needs to be set up for the bully. But if not, the parents need to get on board and admit what their child has done and agree to work with the school to prevent it from ever happening again.
4) The bully needs to be told that s/he will be suspended or even expelled if the bullying continues, or if any of the bully's friends take retribution on the victim. And then the school needs to actually FOLLOW THROUGH.

Nope. In many cases the aggressor may actually be the student who has been harassed, which is why the more holistic approach makes sense.

Nope. The "aggressor" - bully - needs to face consequences immediately. Regardless of the bully's background story, s/he needs to realize bullying is unacceptable. After that, admin can get to the bottom of their behavior and see if therapy/intervention is warranted. The victim needs to see the bully face consequences. Period.

Fortunately, you aren’t establishing or administering the policy. Easy for some parent sure her own kid could only be a victim to decide who should be labeled a “bully” and disciplined. Not so simple for those who actually want to mentor adolescents. Period.

Do 15 year old rapists deserve consequences or are they just misunderstood?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: This gets at a post I started in the general school section and people disagreed. Bullying is a RED FLAG IMO for emotional disturbance and the kid needs to be identified and sent for help. It could be the child is a victim too. It could be the child has poor sense of empathy or even is showing signs of a personality disorder. The victim may be the identified patient, but the truly disturbed person is the bully. It is not a sign of being strong, it is a sign of emotional disorder. It is beyond comprehension that you take victims out of class for a group. Maybe support the victims in a lunch group, but miss class? Meanwhile get on the case of the families of bullies until they get help and take it seriously. Society is changing and your little bully may no longer have the potential to be a CEO. Now he may end up like a shunned loser like all the people getting taken down recently.

I agree. In a bullying case, the school admin. needs to immediately do the following:
1) Validate the victim. Tell him/her that they were indeed being bullied and that the behavior of the bully is unacceptable - period. Impress onto the victim that the bully will be dealt with. The victim should not have to miss class for any kind of "mediation" BS.
2) Deal with the bully. Haul him/her into the principal's office, call the parents, guidance counselor, etc. Agree on punishment. There need to be immediate consequences - suspension, apologizing to victim, etc.
3) Then, and only then, should more investigation into the bully's background, home life, etc. be undertaken. Certainly, some bullies come from homes that foster that kind of behavior. But more often than not, as another PP pointed out, bullies are just run-of-the-mill assholes. If it turns out there are larger issues, then therapy needs to be set up for the bully. But if not, the parents need to get on board and admit what their child has done and agree to work with the school to prevent it from ever happening again.
4) The bully needs to be told that s/he will be suspended or even expelled if the bullying continues, or if any of the bully's friends take retribution on the victim. And then the school needs to actually FOLLOW THROUGH.

Nope. In many cases the aggressor may actually be the student who has been harassed, which is why the more holistic approach makes sense.

Nope. The "aggressor" - bully - needs to face consequences immediately. Regardless of the bully's background story, s/he needs to realize bullying is unacceptable. After that, admin can get to the bottom of their behavior and see if therapy/intervention is warranted. The victim needs to see the bully face consequences. Period.

Fortunately, you aren’t establishing or administering the policy. Easy for some parent sure her own kid could only be a victim to decide who should be labeled a “bully” and disciplined. Not so simple for those who actually want to mentor adolescents. Period.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: This gets at a post I started in the general school section and people disagreed. Bullying is a RED FLAG IMO for emotional disturbance and the kid needs to be identified and sent for help. It could be the child is a victim too. It could be the child has poor sense of empathy or even is showing signs of a personality disorder. The victim may be the identified patient, but the truly disturbed person is the bully. It is not a sign of being strong, it is a sign of emotional disorder. It is beyond comprehension that you take victims out of class for a group. Maybe support the victims in a lunch group, but miss class? Meanwhile get on the case of the families of bullies until they get help and take it seriously. Society is changing and your little bully may no longer have the potential to be a CEO. Now he may end up like a shunned loser like all the people getting taken down recently.

I agree. In a bullying case, the school admin. needs to immediately do the following:
1) Validate the victim. Tell him/her that they were indeed being bullied and that the behavior of the bully is unacceptable - period. Impress onto the victim that the bully will be dealt with. The victim should not have to miss class for any kind of "mediation" BS.
2) Deal with the bully. Haul him/her into the principal's office, call the parents, guidance counselor, etc. Agree on punishment. There need to be immediate consequences - suspension, apologizing to victim, etc.
3) Then, and only then, should more investigation into the bully's background, home life, etc. be undertaken. Certainly, some bullies come from homes that foster that kind of behavior. But more often than not, as another PP pointed out, bullies are just run-of-the-mill assholes. If it turns out there are larger issues, then therapy needs to be set up for the bully. But if not, the parents need to get on board and admit what their child has done and agree to work with the school to prevent it from ever happening again.
4) The bully needs to be told that s/he will be suspended or even expelled if the bullying continues, or if any of the bully's friends take retribution on the victim. And then the school needs to actually FOLLOW THROUGH.

Nope. In many cases the aggressor may actually be the student who has been harassed, which is why the more holistic approach makes sense.

Nope. The "aggressor" - bully - needs to face consequences immediately. Regardless of the bully's background story, s/he needs to realize bullying is unacceptable. After that, admin can get to the bottom of their behavior and see if therapy/intervention is warranted. The victim needs to see the bully face consequences. Period.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: Tell me about Longfellow. My kid goes next year and I was alarmed to see a bully report button on their website. It seems naive to me since a clique could easily gang up on a target by claiming she or he is the bully and making a report. (I have worked with kids this age and these things do happen); Are they having significant bullying issues? if so, what have they done to address them besides a bully button on the website?

I'm a female student at Longfellow and haven't once experienced bullying at Longfellow. According to our school counselours, as we have multiple class lessons about bullying every year in multiple class periods (most of us don't really take them seriously because they have never really been applicable), the bully button on the website is there to let kids anonymously report bullying of others/themselves if they want to. I don't know of anyone who has used it. The boys at Longfellow might have different experiences with bullying though, I never asked them about it because it has never come up. I am friends with a lot of boys and none of them has ever mentioned or complained about any sort of bullying however.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: This gets at a post I started in the general school section and people disagreed. Bullying is a RED FLAG IMO for emotional disturbance and the kid needs to be identified and sent for help. It could be the child is a victim too. It could be the child has poor sense of empathy or even is showing signs of a personality disorder. The victim may be the identified patient, but the truly disturbed person is the bully. It is not a sign of being strong, it is a sign of emotional disorder. It is beyond comprehension that you take victims out of class for a group. Maybe support the victims in a lunch group, but miss class? Meanwhile get on the case of the families of bullies until they get help and take it seriously. Society is changing and your little bully may no longer have the potential to be a CEO. Now he may end up like a shunned loser like all the people getting taken down recently.

I agree. In a bullying case, the school admin. needs to immediately do the following:
1) Validate the victim. Tell him/her that they were indeed being bullied and that the behavior of the bully is unacceptable - period. Impress onto the victim that the bully will be dealt with. The victim should not have to miss class for any kind of "mediation" BS.
2) Deal with the bully. Haul him/her into the principal's office, call the parents, guidance counselor, etc. Agree on punishment. There need to be immediate consequences - suspension, apologizing to victim, etc.
3) Then, and only then, should more investigation into the bully's background, home life, etc. be undertaken. Certainly, some bullies come from homes that foster that kind of behavior. But more often than not, as another PP pointed out, bullies are just run-of-the-mill assholes. If it turns out there are larger issues, then therapy needs to be set up for the bully. But if not, the parents need to get on board and admit what their child has done and agree to work with the school to prevent it from ever happening again.
4) The bully needs to be told that s/he will be suspended or even expelled if the bullying continues, or if any of the bully's friends take retribution on the victim. And then the school needs to actually FOLLOW THROUGH.

Nope. In many cases the aggressor may actually be the student who has been harassed, which is why the more holistic approach makes sense.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: Tell me about Longfellow. My kid goes next year and I was alarmed to see a bully report button on their website. It seems naive to me since a clique could easily gang up on a target by claiming she or he is the bully and making a report. (I have worked with kids this age and these things do happen); Are they having significant bullying issues? if so, what have they done to address them besides a bully button on the website?

I'm a female student at Longfellow and haven't once experienced bullying at Longfellow. According to our school counselours, as we have multiple class lessons about bullying every year in multiple class periods (most of us don't really take them seriously because they have never really been applicable), the bully button on the website is there to let kids anonymously report bullying of others/themselves if they want to. I don't know of anyone who has used it. The boys at Longfellow might have different experiences with bullying though, I never asked them about it because it has never come up. I am friends with a lot of boys and none of them has ever mentioned or complained about any sort of bullying however.

Anonymous wrote: Tell me about Longfellow. My kid goes next year and I was alarmed to see a bully report button on their website. It seems naive to me since a clique could easily gang up on a target by claiming she or he is the bully and making a report. (I have worked with kids this age and these things do happen); Are they having significant bullying issues? if so, what have they done to address them besides a bully button on the website?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: This gets at a post I started in the general school section and people disagreed. Bullying is a RED FLAG IMO for emotional disturbance and the kid needs to be identified and sent for help. It could be the child is a victim too. It could be the child has poor sense of empathy or even is showing signs of a personality disorder. The victim may be the identified patient, but the truly disturbed person is the bully. It is not a sign of being strong, it is a sign of emotional disorder. It is beyond comprehension that you take victims out of class for a group. Maybe support the victims in a lunch group, but miss class? Meanwhile get on the case of the families of bullies until they get help and take it seriously. Society is changing and your little bully may no longer have the potential to be a CEO. Now he may end up like a shunned loser like all the people getting taken down recently.

I agree. In a bullying case, the school admin. needs to immediately do the following:
1) Validate the victim. Tell him/her that they were indeed being bullied and that the behavior of the bully is unacceptable - period. Impress onto the victim that the bully will be dealt with. The victim should not have to miss class for any kind of "mediation" BS.
2) Deal with the bully. Haul him/her into the principal's office, call the parents, guidance counselor, etc. Agree on punishment. There need to be immediate consequences - suspension, apologizing to victim, etc.
3) Then, and only then, should more investigation into the bully's background, home life, etc. be undertaken. Certainly, some bullies come from homes that foster that kind of behavior. But more often than not, as another PP pointed out, bullies are just run-of-the-mill assholes. If it turns out there are larger issues, then therapy needs to be set up for the bully. But if not, the parents need to get on board and admit what their child has done and agree to work with the school to prevent it from ever happening again.
4) The bully needs to be told that s/he will be suspended or even expelled if the bullying continues, or if any of the bully's friends take retribution on the victim. And then the school needs to actually FOLLOW THROUGH.

Anonymous wrote: This gets at a post I started in the general school section and people disagreed. Bullying is a RED FLAG IMO for emotional disturbance and the kid needs to be identified and sent for help. It could be the child is a victim too. It could be the child has poor sense of empathy or even is showing signs of a personality disorder. The victim may be the identified patient, but the truly disturbed person is the bully. It is not a sign of being strong, it is a sign of emotional disorder. It is beyond comprehension that you take victims out of class for a group. Maybe support the victims in a lunch group, but miss class? Meanwhile get on the case of the families of bullies until they get help and take it seriously. Society is changing and your little bully may no longer have the potential to be a CEO. Now he may end up like a shunned loser like all the people getting taken down recently.

Anonymous wrote:And one more thing that's always perplexed me.

Why do liberals wan't to 'help' the bully and understand his past trauma that 'forced' him to act out inappropriately, but when we're talking about a rapist they go for the throat? Where are the calls for compassion when it comes to a man touching a woman against her will? Aren't rapists just victims too?