Anonymous wrote:People with poor boundaries get away with it because others say "yes". You didn't want to seem rude. Perhaps you thought social etiquette dictates you say yes. Regardless, from now on don't worry about what others think of you and just give a firm "no" over and over. Do you think he would do the same for you? Unlikely. He would probably so "no" with ease.

+1 I'm shocked at the way parents think it's ok to foist their kids on people.

People with poor boundaries get away with it because others say "yes". You didn't want to seem rude. Perhaps you thought social etiquette dictates you say yes. Regardless, from now on don't worry about what others think of you and just give a firm "no" over and over. Do you think he would do the same for you? Unlikely. He would probably so "no" with ease.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DC's best friend's mom is super nice, and if I need to do something, would happily keep DC. I would happily have DC's best friend over, but each time DC asks if the best friend can come over, I get a reply that the two younger siblings, including a 3 year old, have to come too because they would feel left out. The two younger kids are very well behaved, but I can't just ignore a 3 year old. I feel terrible, but I've stopped inviting DC's friend over and have also limited play dates with DC and the best friend because if I'm not willing to host, I don't feel comfortable sending DC to their house. It's super awkward now because DC loves playing with her friend and I keep saying no and trying to make play dates with other friends.

So my response to that would be, “So you want me to watch your kids for free so you can have some alone time. But you’re framing as a situation where you’re unable to manage their disappointment with their sister having a play date. Did I get that right?”

Ouch.

No, ouch is another parent dumping her kids (including 3 year old) on another parent with some lame excuse like “Oh, but they’ll be disappointed if Larla gets a play date and they don’t.” The audacity to say that with a straight face warrants an equally intense response.

Even more ouch as words "audacity" and "intense" are used.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DC's best friend's mom is super nice, and if I need to do something, would happily keep DC. I would happily have DC's best friend over, but each time DC asks if the best friend can come over, I get a reply that the two younger siblings, including a 3 year old, have to come too because they would feel left out. The two younger kids are very well behaved, but I can't just ignore a 3 year old. I feel terrible, but I've stopped inviting DC's friend over and have also limited play dates with DC and the best friend because if I'm not willing to host, I don't feel comfortable sending DC to their house. It's super awkward now because DC loves playing with her friend and I keep saying no and trying to make play dates with other friends.

So my response to that would be, “So you want me to watch your kids for free so you can have some alone time. But you’re framing as a situation where you’re unable to manage their disappointment with their sister having a play date. Did I get that right?”

Ouch.

No, ouch is another parent dumping her kids (including 3 year old) on another parent with some lame excuse like “Oh, but they’ll be disappointed if Larla gets a play date and they don’t.” The audacity to say that with a straight face warrants an equally intense response.

NP to this story. I couldn’t be that blunt. What I would do is go for a middle ground and suggest we meet up at a x location together with the kids that way she can still keep an eye on the younger kids and they feel like they get things you too and our girls get to see each other. Or pick something teen based like going to the mall where if she wants her younger kids there too, she would need to watch them. If she was as bold to say 3 siblings should tag along I would counter “I’m not comfortable being responsible for all the kids there on my own, you would need to come”.

I think if the goal is freee babysitting for all her kids, she will back down when she realizes she would need to be there and it might be more work because it will be in public versus relaxing at home and it may cost money for her to bring them.

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Anonymous wrote:That's how you make friends. I would see no problem with the question. Answer honestly.

I enjoy play dates with older kids because my kids are occupied and I can get stuff done without them. Having a small.child or parent stick.around ruins it for me.and causes me extra stress, esp.if the house isn't in order.

Exactly. Totally defeats the purpose of having a play date so that your child has someone to play with and you have some time to yourself! Some parents are completely clueless.

You simply say "sorry, no". There is absolutely no harm in asking. It's a question, not a order.

So you just say no, with no reason provided?

If it's inconvenient then I would say that it is inconvenient. We had so many similar situations over the years.

You can say "No, I'm sorry, I was planning on taking care of a few things around the house myself and don't feel comfortable having a younger child here." If he says "Daughter will watch him" then you say "No that won't work. But if you need to take daughter home to watch him there and reschedule the play date, I understand."

The dad was rude and I would have been caught off guard too.

NP here. That’s brilliant. That’s exactly the type of thing I can’t think of the moment of and wished that I could. It’s helpful without allowing the other person to be helpless. It turns it back in the other person and gives them options you can live with rather than making you feel like your options are to be a jerk or being taken advantage of.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DC's best friend's mom is super nice, and if I need to do something, would happily keep DC. I would happily have DC's best friend over, but each time DC asks if the best friend can come over, I get a reply that the two younger siblings, including a 3 year old, have to come too because they would feel left out. The two younger kids are very well behaved, but I can't just ignore a 3 year old. I feel terrible, but I've stopped inviting DC's friend over and have also limited play dates with DC and the best friend because if I'm not willing to host, I don't feel comfortable sending DC to their house. It's super awkward now because DC loves playing with her friend and I keep saying no and trying to make play dates with other friends.

So my response to that would be, “So you want me to watch your kids for free so you can have some alone time. But you’re framing as a situation where you’re unable to manage their disappointment with their sister having a play date. Did I get that right?”

Ouch.

No, ouch is another parent dumping her kids (including 3 year old) on another parent with some lame excuse like “Oh, but they’ll be disappointed if Larla gets a play date and they don’t.” The audacity to say that with a straight face warrants an equally intense response.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DC's best friend's mom is super nice, and if I need to do something, would happily keep DC. I would happily have DC's best friend over, but each time DC asks if the best friend can come over, I get a reply that the two younger siblings, including a 3 year old, have to come too because they would feel left out. The two younger kids are very well behaved, but I can't just ignore a 3 year old. I feel terrible, but I've stopped inviting DC's friend over and have also limited play dates with DC and the best friend because if I'm not willing to host, I don't feel comfortable sending DC to their house. It's super awkward now because DC loves playing with her friend and I keep saying no and trying to make play dates with other friends.

So my response to that would be, “So you want me to watch your kids for free so you can have some alone time. But you’re framing as a situation where you’re unable to manage their disappointment with their sister having a play date. Did I get that right?”

Ouch.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That's how you make friends. I would see no problem with the question. Answer honestly.

I enjoy play dates with older kids because my kids are occupied and I can get stuff done without them. Having a small.child or parent stick.around ruins it for me.and causes me extra stress, esp.if the house isn't in order.

Exactly. Totally defeats the purpose of having a play date so that your child has someone to play with and you have some time to yourself! Some parents are completely clueless.

You simply say "sorry, no". There is absolutely no harm in asking. It's a question, not a order.

So you just say no, with no reason provided?

Yes, I do this. It's perfectly ok to not give a reason. If I a feeling generous I might say "Sorry, no"

Anonymous wrote:DC's best friend's mom is super nice, and if I need to do something, would happily keep DC. I would happily have DC's best friend over, but each time DC asks if the best friend can come over, I get a reply that the two younger siblings, including a 3 year old, have to come too because they would feel left out. The two younger kids are very well behaved, but I can't just ignore a 3 year old. I feel terrible, but I've stopped inviting DC's friend over and have also limited play dates with DC and the best friend because if I'm not willing to host, I don't feel comfortable sending DC to their house. It's super awkward now because DC loves playing with her friend and I keep saying no and trying to make play dates with other friends.

So my response to that would be, “So you want me to watch your kids for free so you can have some alone time. But you’re framing as a situation where you’re unable to manage their disappointment with their sister having a play date. Did I get that right?”

Say no. No is one of my favorite words.

DC's best friend's mom is super nice, and if I need to do something, would happily keep DC. I would happily have DC's best friend over, but each time DC asks if the best friend can come over, I get a reply that the two younger siblings, including a 3 year old, have to come too because they would feel left out. The two younger kids are very well behaved, but I can't just ignore a 3 year old. I feel terrible, but I've stopped inviting DC's friend over and have also limited play dates with DC and the best friend because if I'm not willing to host, I don't feel comfortable sending DC to their house. It's super awkward now because DC loves playing with her friend and I keep saying no and trying to make play dates with other friends.

Anonymous wrote:He was probably trying to get his Christmas shopping done without the brother - cause the brother would tell everyone what they got.

None of this matters. What matters is that OP should have said, “No, that won’t work.”

He was probably trying to get his Christmas shopping done without the brother - cause the brother would tell everyone what they got.

Anonymous wrote:I would be pissed, OP. The father was totally wrong and you never should have been put in that position. I hope your daughter doesn't like the girl because I would never have her over again.

Why do you look to be offended? What is wrong with people now that they get pissed at questions? What position did the father put OP in? OP had to answer a simple question, that's it. Are you that afraid to say "no"?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That's how you make friends. I would see no problem with the question. Answer honestly.

I enjoy play dates with older kids because my kids are occupied and I can get stuff done without them. Having a small.child or parent stick.around ruins it for me.and causes me extra stress, esp.if the house isn't in order.

Exactly. Totally defeats the purpose of having a play date so that your child has someone to play with and you have some time to yourself! Some parents are completely clueless.

You simply say "sorry, no". There is absolutely no harm in asking. It's a question, not a order.

So you just say no, with no reason provided?

Yes. Reasons for the "no" are reasons to be argued. The "no" is sufficient information. You can soften it with a non-reason like "that qon't work," but don't give an arguable reason.