Anonymous wrote:I've given up on elegance and have settled for neat and clean appearance. I focus mostly on being kind and warm. I am average height, slightly overweight and AA with lots of wild curly hair that will not be tamed.

Pretty much anyone who describes elegance will never pick someone with my appearance so I've given up on that and I just work on being neat and NICE.

I like this. Focus on kindness. Warmth. Be tidy in appearance & real in your interactions.

Unless you are visiting a private school admissions office, I don’t see the point of trying to be something you are not. Otherwise imho Seems very Talented Mr Ripley

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've given up on elegance and have settled for neat and clean appearance. I focus mostly on being kind and warm. I am average height, slightly overweight and AA with lots of wild curly hair that will not be tamed.

Pretty much anyone who describes elegance will never pick someone with my appearance so I've given up on that and I just work on being neat and NICE.

You are my kind of people.

Me too

Watch Grace of Monaco on Netflix. Kidman plays Grace who must learn how to embody warmth, poise, manners and control of herself. The movie is almost a tutorial because you watch her learn it. When I use those techniques I am treated as if I am special. Hard to keep up though.

To me, elegance is the absence of unnecessary complexity as a means of achieving a particular aesthetic (a type of beauty, not necessarily physical). That aesthetic can be anything one would like, though society has certainly told us it should be a tall, thin, white, youngish woman.

I think of poetry as elegance. I think of some good solutions to computer programming problems as elegant. I certainly think of someone like Rosa Parks and her way of engaging in activism as elegant. I think of certain music pieces as elegant.

A tall, white woman (or man) with good skin in a well tailored wool coat who keeps calm and carries on might be elegant, but she equally might not be. I don't see a causal relationship between the two...

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lead with kindness.

This.

Your LV purse, red bottom shoes and your fancy car won't mean anything of your attitude is ugly.

They definitely still mean something and it can’t be overcome by a good attitude.

You are correct. It is the look that says: "I'm a follower".

Don't be "mutton dressed as lamb."

You don't have to be tall and thin. You have to be poised and graceful, and women of all sizes can be.

Neutral, classic, well-made clothes--nothing trendy. American women have a hard time with this.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Elegance is learned, my friend.

Oh yeah!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Elegance is learned, my friend.

and remember, it's always about Tom!

Tom was so last year.

Anonymous wrote:As most of the posters say, elegance is mostly about being tall and thin. A long neck and unblemished skin is especially useful. I think if you are tall and very thin, with good skin, it is hard not to be elegant.

Ridiculous. I know lots of horrid tall, thin people. Elegance is a way of being, of manners, of kindness.

Anonymous wrote:I've given up on elegance and have settled for neat and clean appearance. I focus mostly on being kind and warm. I am average height, slightly overweight and AA with lots of wild curly hair that will not be tamed.

Pretty much anyone who describes elegance will never pick someone with my appearance so I've given up on that and I just work on being neat and NICE.

I relate to this! I am Asian-Am, so I will always be short and "cute" rather than elegant. I'm so drawn to fashions clearly geared toward taller women... flats, sweater dresses, cozy drapey sweaters, big bags... Sigh.

Anonymous wrote:I've given up on elegance and have settled for neat and clean appearance. I focus mostly on being kind and warm. I am average height, slightly overweight and AA with lots of wild curly hair that will not be tamed.

Pretty much anyone who describes elegance will never pick someone with my appearance so I've given up on that and I just work on being neat and NICE.

You are my kind of people.

Pretty is as pretty does.