Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Goodness, some of you are such bean counters. When a person reaches out to you with an sincere apology, if you can't accept that, then you were not nearly as good friends as you think you are. The people who are my "good friends" are honest and good and human. They make mistakes. They apologize and I believe them and accept their apology at their word. If I don't trust that person enough to accept an apology, then I would not call them a good friend, but an acquaintance.

My guess is that she didn't want a shower, then someone (another friend or a family member) insisted she have a shower and then threw one. Possibly the host made up the invitee list or your friend gave the host a list of people to invite and forgot to add your name to the list and didn't pay any attention after the list left her hand. That's an honest mistake. It happens often enough that it's credible to me.

I would express my happiness and congratulations and send a small gift for the baby either right away or just after the baby was born.

A text message after you liked the photo on FB isn’t exactly moving mountains to express regrets. A phone call would have been better. The reality is that people don’t like to confront difficult conversations with friends and no one will say “hey, now that x happened we are drifting apart or I’ve becone closer to Latla and could only invite 5 people”. That type of directness would seem cruel. So while you don’t go around assuming things have changed, picking up on social hints means you take being left off of an important event that either something has changed or you thought this was a closer friend than how they see you. The way you know the action wasn’t a hint but a mistake is someone is willing to call you and apologize for a start or they include you in the next thing or seem to want to make it up to you. Like let me take you to lunch, I am so sorry this happened.

It's a baby shower! COME ON. Do people really get their feelings hurt over shit like this? Enough to end a friendship? Ye gods.

I agree with the first pp quoted. She probably didn't want a shower, was coerced/guilted/forced into it, and gave a quick list of X names.

Anonymous wrote:I would say "Lol, pregnancy brain is so powerful isn't it?! Sorry to have missed your shower - looks beautiful. Can't wait to meet Baby Sophie and see you rocking being a mom!"

Grow up. People make mistakes. People need forgiveness. I like to always assume the best in people, ESPECIALLY those I'm close with. So assume it's an honest mistake, and be gracious.

So grown ups don't have feelings? Grown ups can't get their feelings hurt?

Remember your advice the next time you are feeling bad because of something someone important in your life says/does something that makes you upset. You are a grown up. You aren't entitled to feel, have feelings, or get hurt.

Anonymous wrote:Goodness, some of you are such bean counters. When a person reaches out to you with an sincere apology, if you can't accept that, then you were not nearly as good friends as you think you are. The people who are my "good friends" are honest and good and human. They make mistakes. They apologize and I believe them and accept their apology at their word. If I don't trust that person enough to accept an apology, then I would not call them a good friend, but an acquaintance.

My guess is that she didn't want a shower, then someone (another friend or a family member) insisted she have a shower and then threw one. Possibly the host made up the invitee list or your friend gave the host a list of people to invite and forgot to add your name to the list and didn't pay any attention after the list left her hand. That's an honest mistake. It happens often enough that it's credible to me.

I would express my happiness and congratulations and send a small gift for the baby either right away or just after the baby was born.

A text message after you liked the photo on FB isn’t exactly moving mountains to express regrets. A phone call would have been better. The reality is that people don’t like to confront difficult conversations with friends and no one will say “hey, now that x happened we are drifting apart or I’ve becone closer to Latla and could only invite 5 people”. That type of directness would seem cruel. So while you don’t go around assuming things have changed, picking up on social hints means you take being left off of an important event that either something has changed or you thought this was a closer friend than how they see you. The way you know the action wasn’t a hint but a mistake is someone is willing to call you and apologize for a start or they include you in the next thing or seem to want to make it up to you. Like let me take you to lunch, I am so sorry this happened.

Anonymous wrote:I would say "Lol, pregnancy brain is so powerful isn't it?! Sorry to have missed your shower - looks beautiful. Can't wait to meet Baby Sophie and see you rocking being a mom!"

Grow up. People make mistakes. People need forgiveness. I like to always assume the best in people, ESPECIALLY those I'm close with. So assume it's an honest mistake, and be gracious.

This.

And I wouldn't send a gift since you weren't invited to the shower. I would sit back and see if she bothers to reach out in the future, but I wouldn't proactively reach out. When the baby arrives and you see it on FB, like the pic and offer congrats. If you are invited to her home at some point, bring a little gift (book? sleeper?).

OP, it's entirely possible she's being genuine, that it truly was a mistake and she's upset you were inadvertently excluded. Or it could be that she didn't want to invite you for whatever reason (including perhaps not valuing the friendship the same way you do), and now is trying to cover her tracks. Unless there are other big clues you haven't shared that point in a particular direction, I think is this one where I would choose to be generous of spirit, text back, "I completely understand, hope you had a great shower!" but then pay attention to how the friendship goes after that. If she still seems like an engaged friend, give her credit for a mistake. If it seems like there's increasing distance, then probably the friendship is fading and the shower invitation is a symptom rather than the cause of the demise. You won't have lost anything by being kind in this moment, though.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It would feel more sincere to me if you hadn't liked the photo. Kind of sounds as if she only apologized because she realized someone had posted a photo.

This is my first thought as well. But you know her best and if you truly think it was an oversight then try to go. I can't blame you for feeling hurt to try and move on if you can

* try to let it go

Anonymous wrote:It would feel more sincere to me if you hadn't liked the photo. Kind of sounds as if she only apologized because she realized someone had posted a photo.

This is my first thought as well. But you know her best and if you truly think it was an oversight then try to go. I can't blame you for feeling hurt to try and move on if you can

Anonymous wrote:I'd be happy I didn't have to buy a gift. Accept the apology and move on. And since you didn't know about the shower, consider that maybe you think she's a closer friend than she does.

+1.

Goodness, some of you are such bean counters. When a person reaches out to you with an sincere apology, if you can't accept that, then you were not nearly as good friends as you think you are. The people who are my "good friends" are honest and good and human. They make mistakes. They apologize and I believe them and accept their apology at their word. If I don't trust that person enough to accept an apology, then I would not call them a good friend, but an acquaintance.

My guess is that she didn't want a shower, then someone (another friend or a family member) insisted she have a shower and then threw one. Possibly the host made up the invitee list or your friend gave the host a list of people to invite and forgot to add your name to the list and didn't pay any attention after the list left her hand. That's an honest mistake. It happens often enough that it's credible to me.

I would express my happiness and congratulations and send a small gift for the baby either right away or just after the baby was born.

My best friend wasn't invited to my shower. I sent the host the names and addresses, but USPS returned my best friend's as undelivered (address was correct). My friend was pissed about it. I realized she hadn't been invited two weeks before the shower and gave her my invitation and told her she was invited for sure! Best friend still didn't show up to the shower and was upset about it- didn't send a baby gift or mention it. I know this is stupid, but she's still upset and I haven't seen much of her in the 2 years that have passed. Thanks USPS!

The host did give me her invite that had been returned to her (like 3 months later). The address was correct.

It's a mistake. It's happens. Accept the apology and move on.

OP, you are not in the position of needing to respond to her text. Not responding does not indicate anything. Certainly, if you have same friends, do not mention the slight. But otherwise I would have some time pass to see how much of an effort she takes going forward - as others have said.

Do not say, "It's ok".

Are you guys in the same circle of friends? So other friends were there? Or are you a one off friend? I could see myself accidentally forgetting a one off friend from a shower - like someone I adore and worked together with five years ago but just completely whiffed on - vs say my five friend group from business school - if one got left off it would be weird

Anonymous wrote:I'd be happy I didn't have to buy a gift. Accept the apology and move on. And since you didn't know about the shower, consider that maybe you think she's a closer friend than she does.

I agree with the above. Let go, but time to reevaluate where you stand and now the ball is in her court.