Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, her demand for all or nothing is bizarre. When you ask her why she only wants to be alone with dad for hours and hours, what does she say?

OH please, there is nothing, bizarre, wrong, or creepy about a grandmother wanting to have a special day alone with her granddaughter.
Some of you people really need help!

She’s not really planning a special day, just normal seasonal activities from the sound of it. Nothing that would require a full day. And she’s turning down other opportunities to spend time with the child while lamenting not getting to spend time with her. It’s like a starving person turning down a sandwich because they want a 3 course meal. That’s what’s bizarre, not that the grandma wants to spend some time with a grandchild.

This. Perfect description.

Because with a full day you aren't rushed.

I'm an aunt but I prefer to spend time with my nieces & nephews without their parents becuase when their parents are around the a) turn in little horror shows that do nothing but pout and whine or

b) mo/dad coach them through entire conversations. it's a performance. I feel like I've gotten to them on our auntie days .

Anonymous wrote:I’m guessing grandma has to drive an hour each way to get dd, and that’s why 3 hours doesn’t seem worth it?

That makes perfect sense. But neither OP or the grandmother have stated this as a reason, so I'm not thinking it's the case.

OP--can you clarify? How far does your mother live from you?

I'm so glad my mom let me spend weekends or Saturdays with my grandma. Gram and I would go to lunch, and she'd buy me a sundae that we'd share, and then we'd spend the day together. I loved my Gram so much, and I still remember those times together: I'm glad my mom was unselfish enough to give me that.

I’m guessing grandma has to drive an hour each way to get dd, and that’s why 3 hours doesn’t seem worth it?

Why can’t grandma take the kid to sports practice, or whatever is scheduled? It is creepy that grandma wants all or nothing and obnoxious if grandma expects you to wipe an entire day clean for her. Sounds like a power struggle or maybe grandma doesn’t really want to spend that much time with your kid. She probably already knows you’re too booked to ever say yes, now she can say she wants an entire day. It makes her look really invested without being so.

Anonymous wrote:OP, how old is DD? Elementary school-aged? Preschool? Toddler?

Elem school age. Kid is in school all day.

OP, how old is DD? Elementary school-aged? Preschool? Toddler?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, her demand for all or nothing is bizarre. When you ask her why she only wants to be alone with dad for hours and hours, what does she say?

OH please, there is nothing, bizarre, wrong, or creepy about a grandmother wanting to have a special day alone with her granddaughter.
Some of you people really need help!

She’s not really planning a special day, just normal seasonal activities from the sound of it. Nothing that would require a full day. And she’s turning down other opportunities to spend time with the child while lamenting not getting to spend time with her. It’s like a starving person turning down a sandwich because they want a 3 course meal. That’s what’s bizarre, not that the grandma wants to spend some time with a grandchild.

This. Perfect description.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, her demand for all or nothing is bizarre. When you ask her why she only wants to be alone with dad for hours and hours, what does she say?

OH please, there is nothing, bizarre, wrong, or creepy about a grandmother wanting to have a special day alone with her granddaughter.
Some of you people really need help!

She’s not really planning a special day, just normal seasonal activities from the sound of it. Nothing that would require a full day. And she’s turning down other opportunities to spend time with the child while lamenting not getting to spend time with her. It’s like a starving person turning down a sandwich because they want a 3 course meal. That’s what’s bizarre, not that the grandma wants to spend some time with a grandchild.

Anonymous wrote:OP, her demand for all or nothing is bizarre. When you ask her why she only wants to be alone with dad for hours and hours, what does she say?

OH please, there is nothing, bizarre, wrong, or creepy about a grandmother wanting to have a special day alone with her granddaughter.
Some of you people really need help!

Anonymous wrote:OP, her demand for all or nothing is bizarre. When you ask her why she only wants to be alone with dad for hours and hours, what does she say?

+1. This actually seems to be kind of common IME but it creeps me out. Why alone and for so long? What are you planning to do, that you can't do around me?

One of my DDs grandmothers is obsessed with having DD spend the night, something I wouldn't have a problem with except grandmother has been campaigning nonstop for this since DD was an infant. The insistence sets off alarm bells.

OP, her demand for all or nothing is bizarre. When you ask her why she only wants to be alone with dad for hours and hours, what does she say?

My Mom adores my little kids but in 2 hour blasts which is just enough time for me to catch my breath so it works fine.

It doesn't sound like OP is withholding her daughter out of some sort of power struggle. The child is in school during the day, but the grandma won't take her on week nights because she wants the entire day. So should OP be pulling her kid out of school to placate grandma? My oldest is only 5 but our weekends are always booked up with birthday parties, sports, and various other get togethers and commitments. Sure we could send him to grandma's for a few hours here and here, but I wouldn't have him skip soccer practice or anbiethsay party because grandma isn't content with 3 hours of alone time.

OP, can you explain to her that your family schedule doesn't allow for DD to spend the whole day with grandma? Maybe if you make it clear she should be open to week nights she will take you up on it? I would absolutely not rearrange your schedule to fulfill this weird requirement though.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't really get this- do you not have a day every so often like 1 time per month or so that you guys don't want a break/ day off from parenting? Because that sounds pretty win-win to me.

Seriously! I'm not going to have some weird power struggle over "who's in charge of my DD" when what's at stake is free babysitting from someone who loves my kid almost as much as I do. If my mom or in laws lived close enough, I would drop DD off as much as they and she wanted. Why is there such nitpicking on DCUM about this topic?

NP. I don't see a power struggle at all. No one but DH and I have any control or power whatsoever with respect to our kids, so there is no "struggle." I don't need or want free babysitting, our family is busy, and I like spending the weekends with my kids. If I were OP, I would find her mother's requests ridiculous and annoying and would not accommodate.

This is the same camp of people who's also posting here "Ugh I'm so burnt out/haven't had a night away with DH in x years/having an tricky childcare situation, what do I do??? We have no family close by and no friends who can help us either." This trend of the isolated nuclear family is new in human history and a bad development.

I think the majority of families still happily involve grandparents, aunties, uncles etc. DCUM is not indicative of real life, happy people with functional families don't post frequently here.