Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tonight, your answers are limited.

If you pick the lock and walk in, I bet he won't engage in conversation anyway.

Exactly. All you've succeeded in is escalating the situation.

Thanks for citing me. My epiphany one day about teen parenting is that I need to think like a chess player and not just one move ahead. What did he do, OP? Where do you want to be at the end of this particular fight?

My mom used to barge in when she was angry and I still remember it with a shudder. My teen doesn't lock his door, but I don't enter without knocking. I'd simply state through the door that the conversation isn't over and that it will continue when he is composed. Then I would go off and think about my end game in this particular fight.

Now, my kid is almost a prig. He doesn't give me worries about drugs, alcohol, theft or any of the serious things that might make me pick that lock. So if that's your situation you should ignore me.

I’d take the door down for a week. And add a week for any subsequent issue, including slamming the door b

Anonymous wrote:Parent wants to talk to DC (17 years old). DC locks bedroom door to keep parent out.

What would you do?

If your goal is to see the child and make sure she isn't hurting herself (suicide risk etc) then you unlock the door or kick it down.

If your goal is to yell at the child, you can do that through the door.

If your goal is to have respectful 2 way communication with the child, wait till she calms down and then talk with her. If you kick down the door or unlock it, you will not achieve this goal.

Locks...

Nobody locks doors in our house, parents or teens. A couple of time when doors were locked, I told them we don't lock the doors. DH and I knock if doors are closed. Same for teens but never locked because I assume they are hiding something. And, yes, I believe in random inspections from time to time. Nothing is full proof and we try to maintain a dialogue with our kids but it is not easy. Kicking down a door or taking the licks off sounds overkill and will further erode the trust. The rule is no locked doors. Period.

are you sure the teen isn't just having a wank?

Depends. Did you violate your child's privacy, interfere in their life by helicoptering or do something to upset them and they have every right to be furious with you?

The responses your are getting are pretty one sided. They all presuppose that your bratty child stormed out of the room after you made some kind of innocent comment and they are defiantly locking you out.

Why don't you give us some context?

Depends on what precipitated it. I know in the heat of an argument I can be too much for my teen. I’m a talker and I don’t always recognize when to back down. My oldest is a pouter. She’d want to retreat to her room and sadly I agree that I don’t always give her that space and might follow still talking or issuing my demands. Stalemate - I could see her wanting to lock me out so she can process the situation in peace! My younger teen is an argumentative type. She might want to lock herself in before she says something she’d regret. In many situations I would think either of them locking the door might be a way to end something before it gets worse on their part or my part. Then again, locking to be evasive or if there was a possibility of them doing something dangerous would be totally different. I could also see a teen feeling the need to lock a door if they felt threatened physically.

Without knowing your scenario, I couldn’t say.

Foot meet/ door. Or lt them know you are seriously crazy and cut a hole out of the middle with a sawzall

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've never found that it is really productive to do things like take the door off or force a kid to have a conversation they don't want to have on your timetable. What I would do is send a text advising that I wanted to talk and here are the specific things I want to discuss. When he is ready to come out of his room, come see me prepared to talk.

Exactly. So you get the door off and talk AT your kid, and you "win," but nothing is accomplished.. Kid isn't going to listen. I know this is unpopular, but let the kid her his/her privacy for a little bit and time to cool down. What is is it that you need to say that needs to be said now?

A lot of parents on here look at parenting as power and con tool: when they "lose it," they feel they have been taken advantage of or are bad parents or can't stand to lose a point in some game they have made up in their heads. In reality, letting a kid lock his door and shut it out for a little but will be far more productive than Mommy Dearest tactics.

I agree that taking door off is an unproductive power play. Maybe both parties need a little time to cool off.

Those of you saying take the door off should take some parenting classes. Poor kids.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've never found that it is really productive to do things like take the door off or force a kid to have a conversation they don't want to have on your timetable. What I would do is send a text advising that I wanted to talk and here are the specific things I want to discuss. When he is ready to come out of his room, come see me prepared to talk.

Exactly. So you get the door off and talk AT your kid, and you "win," but nothing is accomplished.. Kid isn't going to listen. I know this is unpopular, but let the kid her his/her privacy for a little bit and time to cool down. What is is it that you need to say that needs to be said now?

A lot of parents on here look at parenting as power and con tool: when they "lose it," they feel they have been taken advantage of or are bad parents or can't stand to lose a point in some game they have made up in their heads. In reality, letting a kid lock his door and shut it out for a little but will be far more productive than Mommy Dearest tactics.

i agree. I also think taking the door off the hinges is very disrespectful to a 17 year old's privacy.

Anonymous wrote:I've never found that it is really productive to do things like take the door off or force a kid to have a conversation they don't want to have on your timetable. What I would do is send a text advising that I wanted to talk and here are the specific things I want to discuss. When he is ready to come out of his room, come see me prepared to talk.

Exactly. So you get the door off and talk AT your kid, and you "win," but nothing is accomplished.. Kid isn't going to listen. I know this is unpopular, but let the kid her his/her privacy for a little bit and time to cool down. What is is it that you need to say that needs to be said now?

A lot of parents on here look at parenting as power and con tool: when they "lose it," they feel they have been taken advantage of or are bad parents or can't stand to lose a point in some game they have made up in their heads. In reality, letting a kid lock his door and shut it out for a little but will be far more productive than Mommy Dearest tactics.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don't you have one of those little key things that enables you to pop the lock?

She doesn't even need a key. She just needs a bobby pin.

Maybe we should add this to the "things rich people don't know" thread...how to pick a basic lock.

Maybe rich people houses don't all have the key thing on the door frame above?

Anonymous wrote:Don't you have one of those little key things that enables you to pop the lock?

She doesn't even need a key. She just needs a bobby pin.

Maybe we should add this to the "things rich people don't know" thread...how to pick a basic lock.