I think many probably feel similar. kids, work, travel= a really busy life and after years in a marriage, it's not likely that someone will come home and be smitten by their partner. It's hard to keep a spark going. I'd say you should try to get him to agree to a date- even once a month- when you can go out, have a good time, flirt with each other and get a little of that "in love" feeling again. Let him know how you feel and tell him he needs to work on it with you. You also might want to get a sitter for the kids once in awhile and go on one of the business trips with him- mix it up.
In the meantime, do as the others recommend and find something that you feel passionate about so you aren't thinking about the "loveless feeling" to much.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So why did you marry him? Why did you have kids with someone who doesn’t love you?

Not the OP, but she probably didn't feel this way when she married him and set about to have kids with him.

Kids can change everything.

Yes, I didn't feel this way when we got married.

I notice you didn’t answer why you had kids with him.

As I said things were different I guess? Who knows, but can’t turn back time.

I think you are lying. I think deep down you simply wanted kids so badly that you settled for the first guy you could have them with, because it seemed like an easier choice than looking for a better match and starting a new relationship. Now, here you are, unfulfilled and realizing that children can’t and shouldn’t fill every emotional need.

Aside from divorcing, it’s too late for you to fix, but you can be a lesson to other women.

It’s a little aggressive to say I’m lying. I thought my husband and I were in love, wanted the same things, shared values etc. so yes, we got married and had kids. I dated a fair amount so it’s not as if I felt like I had to settle. And my husband is a good guy. It’s just hard to come to terms with the fact that I don’t think he loves me.

I’m not the PP, but in your subject line you say “I never really have felt like my husband loves me.” So that makes it sound like the problem was there from the beginning.

Did you grow up feeling unloved by a parent? Maybe it feels natural to be neglected? You deserve to feel loved.

You don’t have to engage with toxic posters.

Thanks. I had an alcoholic, very absent father. My mom did her best. It was far from a happy home. I did have a boyfriend in my early twenties for several years that I know loved me.

Maybe it’s when we are ready to marry and start a family that we choose a person who makes us feel like we did when growing up. I believe that we do know when we are loved, or not. Did your husband have a reason to marry you other than love? I would focus on things other than your marriage and be happy that way, raising your children, working, pursuing interests like your husband does with golf.

OP, two things. First, find your own happiness, it often leads to better relationships all around. Second, tell your husband how you feel - not by attacking him, but by explaining the things that make you feel loved. The "love language" stuff isn't total BS - people do need different things. If your husband grew up in a house where love was spread with gifts, not time, then he might not think anything of spending a lot of time golfing. However, if you had a single mom, then maybe time is all you want. Just make that clear. Then, if you're happy with yourself, and he still isn't willing to give you what you need, you can make a decision about your future. But don't do it without trying to explain things to him. My husband and I feel loved in different ways, so we both have to try to remember what the other person needs and not just give what we would want. We aren't always successful, but just trying means a lot.

Well you're obviously not over the "near affair." I don't blame you, I'm sure I'd feel insecure about that too.

My BIL spent a lot of free time golfing, SIL said nothing for a long time. They are legally separated for over 10 years now. And yes, he was GOLFING, but it was the lack of his presence and empathy that led to separation. When they thought they could patch things up a while ago, she ended up in a hospital on her birthday, and had to take a cab home. Always marry a guy that absolutely loves you more than you love him. Useless to you now, but give this advice to your DDs.

Anonymous wrote:Possibly, or maybe he doesn’t love her.

Or maybe she doesn't love him and is projecting.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So why did you marry him? Why did you have kids with someone who doesn’t love you?

Not the OP, but she probably didn't feel this way when she married him and set about to have kids with him.

Kids can change everything.

Yes, I didn't feel this way when we got married.

I notice you didn’t answer why you had kids with him.

As I said things were different I guess? Who knows, but can’t turn back time.

I think you are lying. I think deep down you simply wanted kids so badly that you settled for the first guy you could have them with, because it seemed like an easier choice than looking for a better match and starting a new relationship. Now, here you are, unfulfilled and realizing that children can’t and shouldn’t fill every emotional need.

Aside from divorcing, it’s too late for you to fix, but you can be a lesson to other women.

It’s a little aggressive to say I’m lying. I thought my husband and I were in love, wanted the same things, shared values etc. so yes, we got married and had kids. I dated a fair amount so it’s not as if I felt like I had to settle. And my husband is a good guy. It’s just hard to come to terms with the fact that I don’t think he loves me.

Just because your DH doesn't love you how you think he should, doesn't mean he dosemt love you. It just means you have an ideal in your mind and he doesn't measure up. For people like you, the truth is, that almost no one could ever measure up. You can't accept people where they are or for who they are and you can accept their love. Your DH could do all the things today that you claim would show you how much he loves you, but tomorrow you would move the bar and claim he was once again. Failing.

What changes can you make in your life that will make you happy? Start there. It's easier to feel loved when you work om that .

Possibly, or maybe he doesn’t love her.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So why did you marry him? Why did you have kids with someone who doesn’t love you?

Not the OP, but she probably didn't feel this way when she married him and set about to have kids with him.

Kids can change everything.

Yes, I didn't feel this way when we got married.

I notice you didn’t answer why you had kids with him.

As I said things were different I guess? Who knows, but can’t turn back time.

I think you are lying. I think deep down you simply wanted kids so badly that you settled for the first guy you could have them with, because it seemed like an easier choice than looking for a better match and starting a new relationship. Now, here you are, unfulfilled and realizing that children can’t and shouldn’t fill every emotional need.

Aside from divorcing, it’s too late for you to fix, but you can be a lesson to other women.

It’s a little aggressive to say I’m lying. I thought my husband and I were in love, wanted the same things, shared values etc. so yes, we got married and had kids. I dated a fair amount so it’s not as if I felt like I had to settle. And my husband is a good guy. It’s just hard to come to terms with the fact that I don’t think he loves me.

Just because your DH doesn't love you how you think he should, doesn't mean he dosemt love you. It just means you have an ideal in your mind and he doesn't measure up. For people like you, the truth is, that almost no one could ever measure up. You can't accept people where they are or for who they are and you can accept their love. Your DH could do all the things today that you claim would show you how much he loves you, but tomorrow you would move the bar and claim he was once again. Failing.

What changes can you make in your life that will make you happy? Start there. It's easier to feel loved when you work om that .

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So why did you marry him? Why did you have kids with someone who doesn’t love you?

Not the OP, but she probably didn't feel this way when she married him and set about to have kids with him.

Kids can change everything.

Yes, I didn't feel this way when we got married.

I notice you didn’t answer why you had kids with him.

As I said things were different I guess? Who knows, but can’t turn back time.

I think you are lying. I think deep down you simply wanted kids so badly that you settled for the first guy you could have them with, because it seemed like an easier choice than looking for a better match and starting a new relationship. Now, here you are, unfulfilled and realizing that children can’t and shouldn’t fill every emotional need.

Aside from divorcing, it’s too late for you to fix, but you can be a lesson to other women.

It’s a little aggressive to say I’m lying. I thought my husband and I were in love, wanted the same things, shared values etc. so yes, we got married and had kids. I dated a fair amount so it’s not as if I felt like I had to settle. And my husband is a good guy. It’s just hard to come to terms with the fact that I don’t think he loves me.

I’m not the PP, but in your subject line you say “I never really have felt like my husband loves me.” So that makes it sound like the problem was there from the beginning.

Did you grow up feeling unloved by a parent? Maybe it feels natural to be neglected? You deserve to feel loved.

You don’t have to engage with toxic posters.

Thanks. I had an alcoholic, very absent father. My mom did her best. It was far from a happy home. I did have a boyfriend in my early twenties for several years that I know loved me.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So why did you marry him? Why did you have kids with someone who doesn’t love you?

Not the OP, but she probably didn't feel this way when she married him and set about to have kids with him.

Kids can change everything.

Yes, I didn't feel this way when we got married.

I notice you didn’t answer why you had kids with him.

As I said things were different I guess? Who knows, but can’t turn back time.

I think you are lying. I think deep down you simply wanted kids so badly that you settled for the first guy you could have them with, because it seemed like an easier choice than looking for a better match and starting a new relationship. Now, here you are, unfulfilled and realizing that children can’t and shouldn’t fill every emotional need.

Aside from divorcing, it’s too late for you to fix, but you can be a lesson to other women.

It’s a little aggressive to say I’m lying. I thought my husband and I were in love, wanted the same things, shared values etc. so yes, we got married and had kids. I dated a fair amount so it’s not as if I felt like I had to settle. And my husband is a good guy. It’s just hard to come to terms with the fact that I don’t think he loves me.

I’m not the PP, but in your subject line you say “I never really have felt like my husband loves me.” So that makes it sound like the problem was there from the beginning.

Did you grow up feeling unloved by a parent? Maybe it feels natural to be neglected? You deserve to feel loved.

You don’t have to engage with toxic posters.