Anonymous wrote:Men do not have a list of 4,937 specific requirements their partner must satisfy, like women do. Once a woman clears the "good enough appearance" bar, and maybe the "not completely stupid" bar, she'll do fine for most guys.

Most men do not buy the One True Soulmate fantasy.

I thnk a lot of it for men is timing. that wife they are raving about now may not have interested them at 22 but at 30 they are ready to settle down and now she "checks the three main boxes" and boom-marriage time.

Interestingly, I haven't seen any responses mention the timing factor. From what I've observed and learned from my male friends over time (and DH's friends), it seems like timing plays a huge role in why a man chooses one woman over another (especially when all other factors seem relatively equal).

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good looking, intelligent, book lover, attracted to me, good morals, laughed at my jokes.

But if you get right down to it, I could certainly find all those other qualities in many other women. I don't think I was (or am) very complicated or picky. If she passed away or divorced me, she'd easily be replaced.

What a lucky lady.

I know, I know, you're just "being honest," why should you get slammed.

She is lucky. I'm a great guy. But I'm not irreplaceable either. Nobody is.

Oh wow, not true. Romantic partners aside, I can think of PLENTY of people in my life who are, without a doubt, irreplaceable.

I find it weird when people make comments like this...it's hard to understand how someone could actually feel the way. The only thing I can conclude is either that they must be 'simpler' than most people (or I must be a heck of a lot more complex...). I had one boyfriend who, I came to realize, was like this. He was a great guy, seemed like quite a catch in every way, but as I tried to get to know him better I realize there was just...nothing else there. Nothing deeper below the surface. He was a good-looking dude and successful, athletic, etc, but as time went on and I tried to get to know him better I realized that...that was it. Nothing below the surface - he was just a simple person. The protagonist in a country song, is you will. Happy go lucky, nice, perfectly pleasant. I would have been bored out of my skull if we ended up together. I need someone who is deeper and 3-dimensional and...interesting to me.

Certainly no spouse/SO is irreplaceable.

But anyway, you think you're "complicated" and special. You're not. Nobody is. If you weren't simple, you'd realize this.

I'm sorry you can't seem to comprehend what is being said. I guess you haven't experienced this comparison in types of relationships - do you have much dating experience?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good looking, intelligent, book lover, attracted to me, good morals, laughed at my jokes.

But if you get right down to it, I could certainly find all those other qualities in many other women. I don't think I was (or am) very complicated or picky. If she passed away or divorced me, she'd easily be replaced.

What a lucky lady.

I know, I know, you're just "being honest," why should you get slammed.

She is lucky. I'm a great guy. But I'm not irreplaceable either. Nobody is.

Oh wow, not true. Romantic partners aside, I can think of PLENTY of people in my life who are, without a doubt, irreplaceable.

I find it weird when people make comments like this...it's hard to understand how someone could actually feel the way. The only thing I can conclude is either that they must be 'simpler' than most people (or I must be a heck of a lot more complex...). I had one boyfriend who, I came to realize, was like this. He was a great guy, seemed like quite a catch in every way, but as I tried to get to know him better I realize there was just...nothing else there. Nothing deeper below the surface. He was a good-looking dude and successful, athletic, etc, but as time went on and I tried to get to know him better I realized that...that was it. Nothing below the surface - he was just a simple person. The protagonist in a country song, is you will. Happy go lucky, nice, perfectly pleasant. I would have been bored out of my skull if we ended up together. I need someone who is deeper and 3-dimensional and...interesting to me.

I find it weird that people - women who watch too many movies? - cannot distinguish between supremely valuable and irreplaceable. If your beloved husband or wife dies, or if your child dies, you can dress in black and live in mourning for the rest of your days. But that's a lot of days. You can also eventually try to be happy again in life , with your surviving family or with a new spouse. Life goes on. That's not being shallow. That's being not-stupid.

Hm. *I* find it weird that you cannot distinguish between acknowledging that someone is irreplaceable and never being able to move forward in life after losing them. If I were to lose my sister my life would never be the same; I would go on living and in time I would be okay, I would certainly continue to have any make other friends...but I would miss her forever and I would never have another relationship that is the same as ours. If I lost a child, I could have 10 more children and they would never replace my first. She is unique and individual and I'd love them too, but they could never replace her. Depending on my life at the time, if my husband were to pass I would certainly be devastated. No I would not wear the black veil for eternity, but not one could ever replace him and what we have between us. I could have a different type of marriage with a different man, and I could absolutely be happy again...but no way in hell would he be replacing my husband; he's irreplaceable and my life would change profoundly if he was no longer here. It's really odd to hear that you think of your wife as interchangeable with any other woman with x,y,z characteristics, and it makes me question the depth of your relationship and how your mind works.

We were set up on a blind date in college to one of her sorority’s events. We had to drive about an hour to the event and the conversation was incredibly easy and it was the best first date I went on. She was—and still is—hot, and we came from a similar background with similar values. We laughed a lot, enjoyed the same things, and just had a good time. From there, the dating relationship blossomed and eventually it progressed from there. 13 years of marriage and 2 kids later and we’re still going strong.

The truth is that I didn’t think to myself “oh, this is the one for me because XYZ”. It organically developed over time.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good looking, intelligent, book lover, attracted to me, good morals, laughed at my jokes.

But if you get right down to it, I could certainly find all those other qualities in many other women. I don't think I was (or am) very complicated or picky. If she passed away or divorced me, she'd easily be replaced.

What a lucky lady.

I know, I know, you're just "being honest," why should you get slammed.

She is lucky. I'm a great guy. But I'm not irreplaceable either. Nobody is.

Oh wow, not true. Romantic partners aside, I can think of PLENTY of people in my life who are, without a doubt, irreplaceable.

I find it weird when people make comments like this...it's hard to understand how someone could actually feel the way. The only thing I can conclude is either that they must be 'simpler' than most people (or I must be a heck of a lot more complex...). I had one boyfriend who, I came to realize, was like this. He was a great guy, seemed like quite a catch in every way, but as I tried to get to know him better I realize there was just...nothing else there. Nothing deeper below the surface. He was a good-looking dude and successful, athletic, etc, but as time went on and I tried to get to know him better I realized that...that was it. Nothing below the surface - he was just a simple person. The protagonist in a country song, is you will. Happy go lucky, nice, perfectly pleasant. I would have been bored out of my skull if we ended up together. I need someone who is deeper and 3-dimensional and...interesting to me.

I find it weird that people - women who watch too many movies? - cannot distinguish between supremely valuable and irreplaceable. If your beloved husband or wife dies, or if your child dies, you can dress in black and live in mourning for the rest of your days. But that's a lot of days. You can also eventually try to be happy again in life , with your surviving family or with a new spouse. Life goes on. That's not being shallow. That's being not-stupid.

I find it weird that you equate irrepleceable with eternally unhappy.

Just because I find a lover or friend irreplaceable doesn't mean I won't find other new lovers or friends and be happy with them. I feel fortunate that I have some livers and friends in my life that are irreplaceable. When I have lost them, I have mouned them but I have not been anle to replace them. They were humans, and as such, were unique. I will never find someone identical to replace them. I will find other new people to love and be happy with, but they are not replacements for my lost lived one. The new friend or lover offers me their own unique experience, because they are human too.

Perhaps if you objectify people for the role they play in your life and the things they do for you, then you can view them as replaceable.

Men do not have a list of 4,937 specific requirements their partner must satisfy, like women do. Once a woman clears the "good enough appearance" bar, and maybe the "not completely stupid" bar, she'll do fine for most guys.

Most men do not buy the One True Soulmate fantasy.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good looking, intelligent, book lover, attracted to me, good morals, laughed at my jokes.

But if you get right down to it, I could certainly find all those other qualities in many other women. I don't think I was (or am) very complicated or picky. If she passed away or divorced me, she'd easily be replaced.

What a lucky lady.

I know, I know, you're just "being honest," why should you get slammed.

She is lucky. I'm a great guy. But I'm not irreplaceable either. Nobody is.

Oh wow, not true. Romantic partners aside, I can think of PLENTY of people in my life who are, without a doubt, irreplaceable.

I find it weird when people make comments like this...it's hard to understand how someone could actually feel the way. The only thing I can conclude is either that they must be 'simpler' than most people (or I must be a heck of a lot more complex...). I had one boyfriend who, I came to realize, was like this. He was a great guy, seemed like quite a catch in every way, but as I tried to get to know him better I realize there was just...nothing else there. Nothing deeper below the surface. He was a good-looking dude and successful, athletic, etc, but as time went on and I tried to get to know him better I realized that...that was it. Nothing below the surface - he was just a simple person. The protagonist in a country song, is you will. Happy go lucky, nice, perfectly pleasant. I would have been bored out of my skull if we ended up together. I need someone who is deeper and 3-dimensional and...interesting to me.

Certainly no spouse/SO is irreplaceable.

But anyway, you think you're "complicated" and special. You're not. Nobody is. If you weren't simple, you'd realize this.

She is an Ivy League grad. I'm not that bright. It was a chance for my kids to move up the gene pool.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good looking, intelligent, book lover, attracted to me, good morals, laughed at my jokes.

But if you get right down to it, I could certainly find all those other qualities in many other women. I don't think I was (or am) very complicated or picky. If she passed away or divorced me, she'd easily be replaced.

Why the f would you want to get married again??

Wouldn't have to get married again to get those things. Probably wouldn't.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good looking, intelligent, book lover, attracted to me, good morals, laughed at my jokes.

But if you get right down to it, I could certainly find all those other qualities in many other women. I don't think I was (or am) very complicated or picky. If she passed away or divorced me, she'd easily be replaced.

What a lucky lady.

I know, I know, you're just "being honest," why should you get slammed.

Sorry if this bothers you. But I believe this is generally true for most married men. We really are NOT that picky.

The "upside" of this is we are incredibly easy to please: simply don't "change" after marriage (ie, gain weight, lose your libido).

LOL. Good luck with that, Pal!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good looking, intelligent, book lover, attracted to me, good morals, laughed at my jokes.

But if you get right down to it, I could certainly find all those other qualities in many other women. I don't think I was (or am) very complicated or picky. If she passed away or divorced me, she'd easily be replaced.

What a lucky lady.

I know, I know, you're just "being honest," why should you get slammed.

She is lucky. I'm a great guy. But I'm not irreplaceable either. Nobody is.

Oh wow, not true. Romantic partners aside, I can think of PLENTY of people in my life who are, without a doubt, irreplaceable.

I find it weird when people make comments like this...it's hard to understand how someone could actually feel the way. The only thing I can conclude is either that they must be 'simpler' than most people (or I must be a heck of a lot more complex...). I had one boyfriend who, I came to realize, was like this. He was a great guy, seemed like quite a catch in every way, but as I tried to get to know him better I realize there was just...nothing else there. Nothing deeper below the surface. He was a good-looking dude and successful, athletic, etc, but as time went on and I tried to get to know him better I realized that...that was it. Nothing below the surface - he was just a simple person. The protagonist in a country song, is you will. Happy go lucky, nice, perfectly pleasant. I would have been bored out of my skull if we ended up together. I need someone who is deeper and 3-dimensional and...interesting to me.

I find it weird that people - women who watch too many movies? - cannot distinguish between supremely valuable and irreplaceable. If your beloved husband or wife dies, or if your child dies, you can dress in black and live in mourning for the rest of your days. But that's a lot of days. You can also eventually try to be happy again in life , with your surviving family or with a new spouse. Life goes on. That's not being shallow. That's being not-stupid.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good looking, intelligent, book lover, attracted to me, good morals, laughed at my jokes.

But if you get right down to it, I could certainly find all those other qualities in many other women. I don't think I was (or am) very complicated or picky. If she passed away or divorced me, she'd easily be replaced.

Why the f would you want to get married again??

Because he's married to a good woman that improves his life. Apparently you're not.

I live by the maxim "If it flies, floats or f**ks, rent, don't buy". Can't be happier.

I pity you.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good looking, intelligent, book lover, attracted to me, good morals, laughed at my jokes.

But if you get right down to it, I could certainly find all those other qualities in many other women. I don't think I was (or am) very complicated or picky. If she passed away or divorced me, she'd easily be replaced.

What a lucky lady.

I know, I know, you're just "being honest," why should you get slammed.

She is lucky. I'm a great guy. But I'm not irreplaceable either. Nobody is.

Oh wow, not true. Romantic partners aside, I can think of PLENTY of people in my life who are, without a doubt, irreplaceable.

I find it weird when people make comments like this...it's hard to understand how someone could actually feel the way. The only thing I can conclude is either that they must be 'simpler' than most people (or I must be a heck of a lot more complex...). I had one boyfriend who, I came to realize, was like this. He was a great guy, seemed like quite a catch in every way, but as I tried to get to know him better I realize there was just...nothing else there. Nothing deeper below the surface. He was a good-looking dude and successful, athletic, etc, but as time went on and I tried to get to know him better I realized that...that was it. Nothing below the surface - he was just a simple person. The protagonist in a country song, is you will. Happy go lucky, nice, perfectly pleasant. I would have been bored out of my skull if we ended up together. I need someone who is deeper and 3-dimensional and...interesting to me.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good looking, intelligent, book lover, attracted to me, good morals, laughed at my jokes.

But if you get right down to it, I could certainly find all those other qualities in many other women. I don't think I was (or am) very complicated or picky. If she passed away or divorced me, she'd easily be replaced.

Why the f would you want to get married again??

Because he's married to a good woman that improves his life. Apparently you're not.

I live by the maxim "If it flies, floats or f**ks, rent, don't buy". Can't be happier.