I think that the cost of living here makes DC a bit of a special case. In DC you may actually need two high earnings spouses to have a particular quality of life that many people want. I think that the answer to this might be different in Cleveland or Dallas. That being said, I think in most places men would resent supporting someone who wasn't taking care of kids and just didn't want to get a job.

It's more about compatibility. Jobs change, people burn out, they chose to sah, or go back to school, or start a side business and quit the first job, get laid off, etc..

Anonymous wrote:
I'll say this to sum it up...in 80% of America between the coasts, a woman's career/earnings doesn't matter much. In HCOL cities, like DC, it matters a lot.

Funny, no other dad in my neighborhood in NoVA, nor any of my friends, married our wives based on her income. I didn't either. It was looks, personality, stuff like that. After you've bought a house, then you start making assumptions about her paycheck being there, and yours.

To me, what matters is communications. I would like to be married to an interesting spouse -- someone who has interesting days; I do, but usually can not talk about work. To me, something like a teacher would be great. Or a scientist. Or engineer....or....

Out is not really about money, it is about being an interesting person.

A long time ago, I used to think it didn't matter one iota and I thought then that I'd prefer a wife who SAH with a kid or two and my dating tendencies matched that...nannies, schoolteachers, and the like. Respectable "motherly" jobs with decent earnings, but not bringing in the big bucks. But then I met my eventual wife whose career matched mine in earnings and things just changed because I finally saw the light. I'm so happy that I found a true equal in a spouse who's on the same page about working, earning, investing, sharing parenting duties/household chores, family time/vacationing, and planning for the future. She simply makes my life easier and she inspires me to work harder to make hers even easier than mine. I'm not saying that every day is perfect (and I wasn't fully prepared for how hard raising babies up to kindergarteners was going to be but we made it), but there's something that's just so satisfying and fulfilling about knowing that my partner in life is ready, willing, and able to shoulder just as much of the burdens in life as I am, whether they be physical, mental, emotional, or financial, and I'm very thankful for that. And I truly believe having that safety net of a fully capable spouse naturally helps me to be the best man that I can be. And on the flipside, thanks to the foundations we laid down years ago, my wife could decide to SAH starting tomorrow and that'd be fine too.

I'll say this to sum it up...in 80% of America between the coasts, a woman's career/earnings doesn't matter much. In HCOL cities, like DC, it matters a lot.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men don't care at all about a woman's career. At all.

Hmmmm....depends on a man. My hubby ex is his ex for a reason; she wanted to be taken care of, but didn't take care of herself in the process.

For women Getting fat and ugly are grounds for divorce

Anonymous wrote:Men don't care at all about a woman's career. At all.

+1 For most guys, not really important at all. For guys with good incomes or significant assets, it's irrelevant. Heck, even if a guy doesn't make much money but lives within his means, looks and personality are way more important. I think the major problem with a high paying career is that most of these jobs take a serious toll on the relationship.

And we don't really care much about intelligence either. It's more about how you complement the other person.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
+1000. I find it breath taking how many women feel owning a vagina gives them the option of working.

It's more common than you think.

they learn young how to sell it.

Anonymous wrote:Man here. My wife was a lawyer, now has been a SAHM for 10 years. She has no intention of going back. I don't care what she does, as long as she is happy. Her "career" means zero to me, her happiness and the stability and happiness of our family is all that matters.

+1

I'm a 31 year old guy and I definitely care about a woman's earning potential. I actually give preference to women with impressive careers on dating apps. Ambition is attractive and I don't want somebody that is dependent on my income.

Anonymous wrote:Men don't care at all about a woman's career. At all.

That is not true. It depends on the man. My husband said when we were dating that he expected his future wife to make 100k. I almost dumped him over it (I was close but not yet there when dating.)

Man here. My wife was a lawyer, now has been a SAHM for 10 years. She has no intention of going back. I don't care what she does, as long as she is happy. Her "career" means zero to me, her happiness and the stability and happiness of our family is all that matters.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I find it breath taking how many women feel owning a vagina gives them the option of working.

When YOU give birth and breastfeed, then YOU are entitled to have the option of working OUTSIDE of the home, since you are ALREADY are doing a full-time job, at home. My DH feels my vagina gives me the option to be a SAHM, but that's why he is my DH. And why we are HAPPILY MARRIED. (and he gets plenty of sex)

This feels very misplaced in a thread where OP called her ex-H a jerk for wanting her to have a job when they had no children.

Anonymous wrote:
I find it breath taking how many women feel owning a vagina gives them the option of working.

When YOU give birth and breastfeed, then YOU are entitled to have the option of working OUTSIDE of the home, since you are ALREADY are doing a full-time job, at home. My DH feels my vagina gives me the option to be a SAHM, but that's why he is my DH. And why we are HAPPILY MARRIED. (and he gets plenty of sex)

I think it should be important, but I know an incredible amount of stupid women married to 250k plus earners who indulge their whims, so zero is the answer in reality.