Anonymous
Post 10/18/2017 13:14     Subject: Is this NBD about DH and I should let it go?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:This is part vent, part question. DH and I have this policy that we avoid scheduling non-family/non-couple things over the weekend starting from Friday evening. The policy is more for him because he works very long hours and hardly sees DD during the week. He asked me about getting together with his buddies last night as a good friend is in town this weekend. Saturday morning, he takes 2 year old DD to gym class (it's their one daddy/daughter time of the week) so he promised that he would try to get home early, like 1 a.m.

He ended up coming home at 6 a.m. He could barely get himself out of bed so didn't get DD out of bed until 40 minutes before class starts. They were really rushed and he stopped her while she was eating breakfast and she was not happy about it. I suggested a couple times (nicely) they skip gym class given they were so rushed and I could see it was bugging DD. They rushed off and DH has been texting me since what a waste it was to go to class because DD won't participate (which is highly unlike her), she's doing poorly etc.

I'm kind of like WTF. If anything, it's DH's fault if DD is having an off morning. But true to form, he never takes responsibility for his actions. He doesn't go out on Friday evenings, but will often stay up really late reading or watching TV so that he's exhausted on Saturday morning. This morning was the worst, but it's not unusual for him to be in a bad mood and implying that DD is being "bad" (though he won't use those words) when she's just being a normal 2 year old and it's his exhaustion that's making him so intolerant of her behavior.

I know there are worse things a dad can do. Should I just let it slide and be happy he's willing to have this daddy/daughter time (which he wasn't before)? Or


Is anyone else hung up on this part?? It seems so much worse than what time he got home last night!


That's pretty standard for dads who are BigLaw partners around here.
Anonymous
Post 10/18/2017 13:12     Subject: Is this NBD about DH and I should let it go?
Anonymous wrote:I'll never understand DHs who work all the time and give up so much in the way of their relationships with their children. My kids are in their 20s now, one with a child of her own, and the memories they recall fondly are not the big, annual vacations we planned but rather moments of spontaneity that occurred only beciasd I prioritized being present in my childrens' lives. Our relationships are built in the small moments. I feel sad for your DD.


How is this the slightest bit helpful to OP?
Anonymous
Post 10/18/2017 12:53     Subject: Is this NBD about DH and I should let it go?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:1. There was no need to go to the stupid 2 year old gym class today (or ever, really). Tip: your husband would probably have more bonding time if he did something alone with the kid (think: a trip to the playground and Dunkin Donuts).

2. 6am?!?! He didn't get home until 6am?!?! Where was he? How long was the drive home? What is open that late in DC or the burbs? I'm just super curious. Honestly, my mind would worry about cheating. Sounds like a sleepover.



Yes, he should definitely get a DUI or kill someone rather than sleep it off at his friend's place and then get home early.


100% this. This was my first thought as well. But the paranoid freaks of DCUM immediately jump to cheating.
Anonymous
Post 10/18/2017 12:51     Subject: Re:Is this NBD about DH and I should let it go?
Your weekend rule is weird. I understand spending time as a couple or family. But when do the two of you ever see friends? Or take personal time for yourself?
Anonymous
Post 10/18/2017 12:09     Subject: Is this NBD about DH and I should let it go?
if it is a one-off, let it go. in fact, you probably should have just taken up his slack that morning. Flexibility if important. (and you should be taking time for yourself too! The flip side is that you also deserve flexibility.)

but if variations on this are a regular occurrence, have a longer, calm talk - after he is rested and fed. Not a huge deal to be grumpy for a little gym class. it is a bigger deal if he is always grumpy or late or preoccupied when he has kid time. Not good for him or kid.
Anonymous
Post 10/18/2017 12:03     Subject: Is this NBD about DH and I should let it go?
Anonymous wrote:I have a feeling if she had stepped up and taken DD he would have never made the effort to make up the time.

You have these rigid rules because he's not pulling his weight, which leads to this tit for tat type of thing.

6am is not ok. Where the hell was he until 6am? Bars are closed.


I travel a ton for work and was recently in the city a college roommate moved to. He has a young son, works long hours as a chef, but took a night off to hang out. This is very unusual for him and he is not much of a drinker normally. We ended up out late and he crashed in my hotel room rather than drive home drunk. It was easily explained with a simple phone call to his wife, who also knows me. She also knows this was a one off with a friend he hadn't seen in years and laughed about it.

Anonymous
Post 10/18/2017 12:00     Subject: Is this NBD about DH and I should let it go?
I have a feeling if she had stepped up and taken DD he would have never made the effort to make up the time.

You have these rigid rules because he's not pulling his weight, which leads to this tit for tat type of thing.

6am is not ok. Where the hell was he until 6am? Bars are closed.
Anonymous
Post 10/18/2017 11:59     Subject: Is this NBD about DH and I should let it go?
The weirdest part of this story is the 6 am part. Nothing good happens when men are drinking about about 2 am. I mean, what did he do that whole time? Bars are closed. Clubs are closed. The only reason to be gone that long is if he was with someone.
Anonymous
Post 10/18/2017 11:56     Subject: Is this NBD about DH and I should let it go?
Anonymous wrote:1. There was no need to go to the stupid 2 year old gym class today (or ever, really). Tip: your husband would probably have more bonding time if he did something alone with the kid (think: a trip to the playground and Dunkin Donuts).

2. 6am?!?! He didn't get home until 6am?!?! Where was he? How long was the drive home? What is open that late in DC or the burbs? I'm just super curious. Honestly, my mind would worry about cheating. Sounds like a sleepover.



Yes, he should definitely get a DUI or kill someone rather than sleep it off at his friend's place and then get home early.
Anonymous
Post 10/18/2017 11:35     Subject: Is this NBD about DH and I should let it go?
I’d be a little annoyed he came home so late. But why didn’t you wake the kid up, get her ready, & maybe take her to gym this time?
Anonymous
Post 10/15/2017 08:26     Subject: Is this NBD about DH and I should let it go?
The kid is 2 so there is no need to push "family time" on the weekends in a bug structured way. Your kid is not going to remember even a tiny but.

Have your DH work a lot now and work his way up to a position that allows for more flexibility bc he is a higher up. You need that for when your kid is actually older and does really count on both of you to be there for the big game or the school play.
Anonymous
Post 10/15/2017 08:12     Subject: Is this NBD about DH and I should let it go?
1. There was no need to go to the stupid 2 year old gym class today (or ever, really). Tip: your husband would probably have more bonding time if he did something alone with the kid (think: a trip to the playground and Dunkin Donuts).

2. 6am?!?! He didn't get home until 6am?!?! Where was he? How long was the drive home? What is open that late in DC or the burbs? I'm just super curious. Honestly, my mind would worry about cheating. Sounds like a sleepover.

Anonymous
Post 10/15/2017 08:12     Subject: Re:Is this NBD about DH and I should let it go?
I’m still confused as to how your two year old sleeps this late that he had to go wake her up!! I’m jealous
Anonymous
Post 10/15/2017 08:02     Subject: Is this NBD about DH and I should let it go?
I could not function in a marriage where my spouse treated like a child and put steict rules around thr weekend. Im social and would HATE livung in this marriage. The whole scenario for the start is unreasonable. The DH cam home at 6am because like any teen with overbearing parentd, he acted out.

And really a stupid "Little Gym" class. Way to make spending time with the child absolutely miserable.
Anonymous
Post 10/15/2017 08:01     Subject: Is this NBD about DH and I should let it go?
I think I am married to you.

I do not go out very often; less than once a month.

When DD was younger, I was traveling a fair bit for work. DW insisted I be home for the weekend activities. That involved more red-eyes than I prefer to remember.

I would get home at 7 AM, and have to get DD moving. She would go to her event/class. My wife would relax because she was on all week. I was "Free" on travel, working from 5 AM to 7 PM local time.

I liked spending time with the kid, but AFTER I slept.

And god forbid, I tried to do something for me.....