Enthusiasm and intensity and being in the moment

Anonymous wrote:A lot of these remarks are so subjective as to be meaningless.

Might as well say, "to be good at sex, be someone your lover regards as being good at sex."

And? That's part of it. There is a mental aspect. Desire feeds the experience. Being able to read your partner's signs and respond to them also feeds the experience. Being good with your hands doesn't hurt either.

Perhaps it's easier to tell what makes someone bad in bed - for a man to treat a woman as a mere receptacle (aka " wham bam thank you ma'am") and for a woman to be a starfish.

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]It's how they holistically build up the chemistry outside of the bedroom. Includes building a strong relationship, trust, caring in small ways, genuine love that culminates in lasting intimacy. [/quote]

how does this square with women who still pine for the abusive narcissist ex?[/quote]

Does it matter? Why are you worried about women who are still pining over abusive narcissistic exes? Find someone without baggage. [/quote]

NP - it's a valid question and if you have nothing to offer, just skip it instead of mouthing off.[/quote]

+1. It's valid because there is a danger that people are saying what they want to believe instead of what is actually true. I wouldn't want to believe that someone mistreating me gets me off. But sex is weird and that may be how it works. [/quote]

forget about pining why do women even stay with these guys in the first place after knowing they are/were narcissists? it couldn't be about the emotional connection, the trust, the caring, etc. that they want from DHs now, so what is it? genuinely curious/confused.[/quote]

For me it was the fact that I was raised by a Narc and I thought it was normal to be undermined, criticised, gaslit etc in relationships. Also remember they frog boil you...start out slow then turn up the heat.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's how they holistically build up the chemistry outside of the bedroom. Includes building a strong relationship, trust, caring in small ways, genuine love that culminates in lasting intimacy.

how does this square with women who still pine for the abusive narcissist ex?

Does it matter? Why are you worried about women who are still pining over abusive narcissistic exes? Find someone without baggage.

NP - it's a valid question and if you have nothing to offer, just skip it instead of mouthing off.

+1. It's valid because there is a danger that people are saying what they want to believe instead of what is actually true. I wouldn't want to believe that someone mistreating me gets me off. But sex is weird and that may be how it works.

forget about pining why do women even stay with these guys in the first place after knowing they are/were narcissists? it couldn't be about the emotional connection, the trust, the caring, etc. that they want from DHs now, so what is it? genuinely curious/confused.

Pays attention.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Being attentive to a women's entire body while having sex.

+1. Regardless of how large of an area you need to cover.

Spoken like a true chunky woman you probably are

Chunky women deserve love too. And some of them are really good at it!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's how they holistically build up the chemistry outside of the bedroom. Includes building a strong relationship, trust, caring in small ways, genuine love that culminates in lasting intimacy.

how does this square with women who still pine for the abusive narcissist ex?

Does it matter? Why are you worried about women who are still pining over abusive narcissistic exes? Find someone without baggage.

NP - it's a valid question and if you have nothing to offer, just skip it instead of mouthing off.

+1. It's valid because there is a danger that people are saying what they want to believe instead of what is actually true. I wouldn't want to believe that someone mistreating me gets me off. But sex is weird and that may be how it works.

Energy
Enthusiasm
Lack of self consciousness

The best lovers I've had have been actors, they are enthusiastic, energetic and utterly shameless.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Being attentive to a women's entire body while having sex.

+1. Regardless of how large of an area you need to cover.

Spoken like a true chunky woman you probably are

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's how they holistically build up the chemistry outside of the bedroom. Includes building a strong relationship, trust, caring in small ways, genuine love that culminates in lasting intimacy.

how does this square with women who still pine for the abusive narcissist ex?

Does it matter? Why are you worried about women who are still pining over abusive narcissistic exes? Find someone without baggage.

NP - it's a valid question and if you have nothing to offer, just skip it instead of mouthing off.

Anonymous wrote:It's how they holistically build up the chemistry outside of the bedroom. Includes building a strong relationship, trust, caring in small ways, genuine love that culminates in lasting intimacy.

60 YO man here. I agree with this except I’d change “they build up the chemistry...” to just the way a particular relationship builds the chemistry systemically.
The relationship I’m in has such chemistry that all we have to do is be together over a drink or dinner (alone) and the chemistry just builds. Our time alone, even in a public place, is very intimate. Not physically, but mentally and emotionally. That leads to a very satisfying physical relationship.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's how they holistically build up the chemistry outside of the bedroom. Includes building a strong relationship, trust, caring in small ways, genuine love that culminates in lasting intimacy.

how does this square with women who still pine for the abusive narcissist ex?

Does it matter? Why are you worried about women who are still pining over abusive narcissistic exes? Find someone without baggage.

Very focused, intense, passionate attention on ME

Anonymous wrote:As an old married lady who definitely sowed her oats as a young woman, it all comes down to chemistry and passion. When it's magic, it's magic. When it's not, no amount of skill, technique, or willingness to please can make the sex amazing.

Agree with this. I've had such strong chemistry with some men that I could orgasm from them just touching me.

Although I do think the ability to tease helps a lot. For me that's way more exciting and pleasurable than sex itself. A guy who can tease me for 2-3 days is so much better than one who expects me to turn it on like a light switch.