Anonymous
Post 09/25/2017 10:04     Subject: How to make peace with your lot in life
Anonymous wrote:I am one of the generation of women who was told growing up that she could do anything and everything and that she was the best. I thought by now I'd have a thriving and successful career as a doctor or some prestigious organization such as the UN. I'd be married to a well to do man and live in a beautiful house with a baby on the way.

Instead my life is so...ordinary. I have a normal middle manager job at a nobody office and am dating a very average guy with a boring job. We live a very middle class life. I'm thankful for my health and life but...I feel so disappointed.


Did you really think the world was just going to hand you all this success you expected? Why, because of your good looks?
I learned a long time ago nobody gives you nuthin'. So what have you done to earn this successyou obviously crave?
I assume you were mature enough to make certain choices - so now live with them or strat making some major corrections to what went wrong if you're not happy with the choices you made.
Anonymous
Post 09/25/2017 10:02     Subject: Re:How to make peace with your lot in life
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Another Gen Xer here. Agree with the previous posters of my generation. Not only was greatness not expected, it was often posed as out of reach for most.

Ordinary and Average is what was expected. Getting an education, decent job, marriage, kids.



I disagree with this. I'm in my 40s and was expected to attain greatness. Grew up with tons of pressure to succeed. I disappointed everyone with the way things turned out.



I would say your experience wasn't the norm.
Anonymous
Post 09/25/2017 09:58     Subject: Re:How to make peace with your lot in life
Anonymous wrote:Another Gen Xer here. Agree with the previous posters of my generation. Not only was greatness not expected, it was often posed as out of reach for most.

Ordinary and Average is what was expected. Getting an education, decent job, marriage, kids.



I disagree with this. I'm in my 40s and was expected to attain greatness. Grew up with tons of pressure to succeed. I disappointed everyone with the way things turned out.
Anonymous
Post 09/25/2017 09:56     Subject: How to make peace with your lot in life
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I am one of the generation of women who was told growing up that she could do anything and everything and that she was the best. I thought by now I'd have a thriving and successful career as a doctor or some prestigious organization such as the UN. I'd be married to a well to do man and live in a beautiful house with a baby on the way.

Instead my life is so...ordinary. I have a normal middle manager job at a nobody office and am dating a very average guy with a boring job. We live a very middle class life. I'm thankful for my health and life but...I feel so disappointed.


a reality of life that somehow a young man or woman never gets until it is them. we all live lives of quiet desperation.

but not that your awareness of what life is, it will even get worse. focus on living, live for the moment. it is the only thing that has meaning to me.
?
He had learned the worst lesson that life can teach -- that it makes no sense. And when that happens the happiness is never spontaneous again. It is artificial and, even then, bought at the price of an obstinate estrangement from oneself and one's history . . . . Stoically he suppresses his horror. He learns to live behind a mask. A lifetime experiment in endurance. A performance over a ruin.
American Pastoral, by Philip Roth, p. 81. (1997)





Yikes, this is sad. Do you really believe this? My life isn't desperate or sad.



This quiet desparation line is from Thoreau/Walden.
Anonymous
Post 09/25/2017 09:52     Subject: How to make peace with your lot in life
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Weird! You have to be a millennial. I don't mean that as a pejorative but rather you were told all those things. I am a GenXer and was told the best I could hope for was an Associates degree from a Community College and a job as a secretary. My parents expected me to go to college but the details were up to me.

I think it is really damaging to "oversell" life. We all can't be rockstars. Most of life is really boring. My DH is well known in his field and has been on a magazine cover but he hates his job. Jobs are usually boring!! Whether you're a big shot or a worker bee. Being an adult isn't sexy and exciting most of the time. Sorry. You need to find something that makes you happy. Travel? Art? Parties? Hiking? And do it. Life is what you make it.


Disagree 100%

The fact that you feel this way says way more about you than anyone else or the workplace in general. If you don't like your job, do something about it.

^ I guess this is what happens when you're brought up to expect that a community college degree is the best you can hope for



I posted the post you're replying to. I like my job but exciting it is not. I work in IT. I don't have anything against Community College degrees and also attended one. I have many friends with no college degree! They are doing well. Look I was trying to illustrate that our parents did not raise us with abnormal expectations. The path of success was not paved for us. We were allowed to define it on our own.
Anonymous
Post 09/25/2017 09:49     Subject: How to make peace with your lot in life
I did/am doing ok career wise but my passion has always been my family and home life, and at 56 I am dealing with major disappointment. Two kids and neither graduated college or has much ambition, now 31 and 36. Then husband had a mid-life crisis and emotional affair (he claims, I will never be sure that it didn't get physical). It's been 7 years and things are better but will never be the same. Now I'm trying to deal with the fact that I will most likely never have grandchildren. Not much I can do about any of it but change my attitude and try to find other pleasures in life, but I get really sad sometimes.
Anonymous
Post 09/25/2017 09:46     Subject: Re:How to make peace with your lot in life
I'm from gen x, and I was spoon fed that you can do anything. I still believe it, although I turned out more like op and Winona Ryder in Reality Bites. I never found a career I loved and now I SAH but my kids are turning out great and my husband is a good guy.

You have to be thankful for the things that have turned out well.
Anonymous
Post 09/25/2017 09:45     Subject: How to make peace with your lot in life
Plan a really cool trip to somewhere you've never been. Bonus points if it puts you out of your comfort zone. It'll make you feel better by giving you something to feel excited about and look forward to.
Anonymous
Post 09/25/2017 09:41     Subject: Re:How to make peace with your lot in life
Our daughter is smart, beautiful and married a jerk. Her life went downhill. Fast. Now she is bitter, hates her successful siblings and treats her mother like crap. However, she puts on a good face. Because it's all about looks, not substance.
So, her lot in life is the fault of her parents. Right??
Anonymous
Post 09/25/2017 09:39     Subject: How to make peace with your lot in life
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I am one of the generation of women who was told growing up that she could do anything and everything and that she was the best. I thought by now I'd have a thriving and successful career as a doctor or some prestigious organization such as the UN. I'd be married to a well to do man and live in a beautiful house with a baby on the way.

Instead my life is so...ordinary. I have a normal middle manager job at a nobody office and am dating a very average guy with a boring job. We live a very middle class life. I'm thankful for my health and life but...I feel so disappointed.


a reality of life that somehow a young man or woman never gets until it is them. we all live lives of quiet desperation.

but not that your awareness of what life is, it will even get worse. focus on living, live for the moment. it is the only thing that has meaning to me.
?
He had learned the worst lesson that life can teach -- that it makes no sense. And when that happens the happiness is never spontaneous again. It is artificial and, even then, bought at the price of an obstinate estrangement from oneself and one's history . . . . Stoically he suppresses his horror. He learns to live behind a mask. A lifetime experiment in endurance. A performance over a ruin.
American Pastoral, by Philip Roth, p. 81. (1997)





Yikes, this is sad. Do you really believe this? My life isn't desperate or sad.
Anonymous
Post 09/25/2017 09:37     Subject: How to make peace with your lot in life
I blame the Internet and social media for the angst we all feel. We suffer from information overload. We feel like we have to know it all, do it all, enjoy it all. It's just too much pressure.

I'm a GenXer and I treasure the years before the Internet took over our lives. We lived face-to-face, had real conversations, and didn't live in constant competition with our Facebook "friends".

I feel sorry for my kids. They'll never know the pleasure of a simpler time. Life today is incredibly stressful, competitive, and superficial.
Anonymous
Post 09/25/2017 09:37     Subject: Re:How to make peace with your lot in life
OP: Who do you blame for the way your life turned out?
Anonymous
Post 09/25/2017 09:34     Subject: How to make peace with your lot in life
Anonymous wrote:Weird! You have to be a millennial. I don't mean that as a pejorative but rather you were told all those things. I am a GenXer and was told the best I could hope for was an Associates degree from a Community College and a job as a secretary. My parents expected me to go to college but the details were up to me.

I think it is really damaging to "oversell" life. We all can't be rockstars. Most of life is really boring. My DH is well known in his field and has been on a magazine cover but he hates his job. Jobs are usually boring!! Whether you're a big shot or a worker bee. Being an adult isn't sexy and exciting most of the time. Sorry. You need to find something that makes you happy. Travel? Art? Parties? Hiking? And do it. Life is what you make it.


Disagree 100%

The fact that you feel this way says way more about you than anyone else or the workplace in general. If you don't like your job, do something about it.

^ I guess this is what happens when you're brought up to expect that a community college degree is the best you can hope for
Anonymous
Post 09/25/2017 09:25     Subject: Re:How to make peace with your lot in life
I grew up LMC (father was a mechanic, mother a waitress). Sometimes we didn't have enough to eat. I guess the good thing about that was that my expectations weren't too high. We have a very nice UMC lifestyle now (income in the 600k range) and I am very happy with it.
Anonymous
Post 09/25/2017 09:23     Subject: Re:How to make peace with your lot in life
Another Gen Xer here. Agree with the previous posters of my generation. Not only was greatness not expected, it was often posed as out of reach for most.

Ordinary and Average is what was expected. Getting an education, decent job, marriage, kids.