Anonymous wrote:The double standards between this thread and the one about fatter wives is astounding. it's ok for a wife to lose interest when he gets big, but not the other way around, got it.

Weight looks different on men and women. Never in the history of time have fat men been idealized

The double standards between this thread and the one about fatter wives is astounding. it's ok for a wife to lose interest when he gets big, but not the other way around, got it.

I had a fat boyfriend in college. I really didn't care.

No.

Having said that, my old boyfriend was a little chubby and on him it didn't look bad. It depends on the person.

My DH is about only maybe 15lbs over weight but all his front butt. All you can see of his penis now (when it's soft) is the tip. It used to be more than adequate and I found him to be very hot.

It just completely shrank. He has zero drive and it's a huge problem because I still find him hot and want him because I love him. I'm a size 10, 50 years old and my husband doesn't want me and it's a miserable thing. We've been in counselling for over a year and nothing. FML

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He is fat. Gained 60 pounds since we got married 20 years ago. We do have sex but it's to maintain the marriage. I just do it to keep the peace.

This is horrifying. I'm sorry. You should cut out the sex

What am I supposed to do, just go without? I've always had the higher sex drive of the two of us.

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not really. It would depend how fat though.

We'd be eating super healthy and taking daily walks.

That doesn't help if he can eat breakfast, lunch and snacks away from you during the work day.

NP. My husband started bringing his lunch and snacks from home. We have saved money and he has trimmed down.

So the reason your husband gained weight was that he was taking in too many calories. That's not why my husband gained weight. He gained a ton because he eats for enjoyment and entertainment, and drinks like a fish. No self discipline. Wants to feel quite full before he stops eating rather than satisfied enough to wait for the next meal.

He's not fat, but my husband is up about 30/40 lbs since we got married and it's definitely a bummer. We're pretty young still (mid 30s) and I wish he would feel motivated to want to look good for me...it's not horrible, but I certainly am not attracted to his current body. However, I think part of it is about the attitude too - he's soft and lazy and unenegetic and unhealthy, and that's not hot

It's definitely frustrating, and I don't know that there's a good way to approach it.

Mine gained 30lbs in the past year. We now have sex with the lights off and I don't hug him as often.

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would still be attracted to him. My desire to have sex with someone mainly comes from mental and emotional sources. I appreciate physical positives, but what a person looks like doesn't matter much to me. I don't think that's unusual for women.

Physical Disqualifier: If a person smells horrible, I probably won't be attracted, no matter how charming or good looking they are.

Low standards.

Being attracted to people for their minds and personalities is having low standards?

Having zero standards for the physical = low standards, yes of course.

As a physically disabled person I find this incredibly insulting. I'm sorry you think my spouse has low standards for falling in love with me despite my deformed body.

Anonymous wrote:Oh hell no. I never understood smaller women with fat men. I mean the simple logistics of it all are mind-boggling. Not to mention there is nothing sexy about a fat, hairy stomach all over you.

+1

For a man to look like a MAN he needs muscles. If I touched him and felt all curves and fat I would think I was with a woman

Not really. I am divorced and my XH gained a lot of weight while we were together. I tried to get him to work out and do things with me--even simply walking the dogs together--and he refused. He'd only want to walk them once or twice a week (we had a large fenced yard). We belonged to the same gym. He wouldn't go. I am a competitive runner and I never tried to force it on him but he wasn't interested in even doing a walk or charity race. For the record, when we dated, he did go to the gym a few times a week and play in a softball league.

Fitness is a huge part of my life the way it is--it's just always been important to me. So even beyond him refusing to work out, his laziness was a huge turnoff. I'm glad we split up.

It's hard for me to imagine, my DH has always been in great shape. I have a feeling that he'd be so depressed about the weight gain, that he just wouldn't be an appealing partner. (When he gains 5 lb, he starts lamenting about how fat he is.)

I do know that I've never been attracted to large men (whether fat or bulky).

It's a no from me.