Anonymous
Post 09/09/2017 11:29     Subject: Alternative to two Christmases?
Anonymous wrote:We're struggling with this and am thinking of this now because we're making holiday plans. We spend every other holiday alternating between DH's family and my family. Now that we have kids (the only grandkids), there's a HUGE push for us to do 2 Christmases. Neither family is local; one is cross country and the other is 4 hours away. We are holding firm on only having one Christmas a year. We don't have much annual leave and we want to simplify holidays and spend more time with nuclear family and on creating nuclear family traditions. We only want to celebrate with one side each year. Alternatively, we are willing to host both grandparents in our house on Christmas, but neither wanted that.

So what is the alternative? When one family is told that we aren't coming for Christmas, they ask when we're coming up to celebrate and they expect us the next weekend. They don't ship presents and they don't visit us. Last year we were celebrating Christmas in the middle of January because that was the first chance we could get to go visit the parents.

Am I being unreasonable?


Then they live with what you decide. Otherwise, they're just being silly and territorial.
Anonymous
Post 09/09/2017 11:10     Subject: Alternative to two Christmases?
I did the firm line thing, too after my oldest daughter's second Christmas. We do Christmas Eve at our house, Christmas Day at my partner's sibling's house nearby. So the kids get Christmas with their cousins. All parents are invited to both eve and day. Some come to both, some to one, some to neither a particular year.

Christmas is about the kids. My kids are teens now and I am grateful that we have such awesome memories to look back on with fun traditions. AND we do not have all of the stress of big travels.
Anonymous
Post 09/08/2017 15:15     Subject: Alternative to two Christmases?
Oh, I totally hear you, OP. We held the line and did alternating Thanksgiving and Christmas with our families. It works well and everyone is happy.
Anonymous
Post 09/08/2017 15:14     Subject: Re:Alternative to two Christmases?
Anonymous wrote:Christmas is at your house. Grandparents are more than welcome to come. We drew a hard line when our children were born and only budged one year when we all went to the Caribbean for Christmas, including in-laws.


Same. Year 1, I traveled -- my parents are a long flight away -- but from now on, Christmas is at my house, as it was at my parents' house when I was growing up.
Anonymous
Post 09/08/2017 15:12     Subject: Alternative to two Christmases?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Stay home. They can bring the gifts when they bring them.


Agreed. The second event doesn't have to be another Christmas, just the time when Grandma and Grandpa bring their presents.


OP here. They make it into a second christmas. And they don't visit, so it's whenever we go visit them, not when grandma and grandpa bring presents.


I'm not seeing why this is a bad thing. So your kids get Christmas gifts in July, or whenever. That's fine. Send their presents ahead of time, have a nice skype with them on Christmas morning and consider it done.


OP here. It's not that easy. They start nagging us right after we return from Christmas to travel to them (we're exhausted, mostly me though). And DH caves and then we go up.

I really just want one Christmas. Does that make me a bad person?


It is that easy, your husband just has no spine. Let them "do" Christmas whenever you see them, but don't feel like you need to rush to see them.
Anonymous
Post 09/07/2017 16:55     Subject: Alternative to two Christmases?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Stay home. They can bring the gifts when they bring them.


Agreed. The second event doesn't have to be another Christmas, just the time when Grandma and Grandpa bring their presents.


OP here. They make it into a second christmas. And they don't visit, so it's whenever we go visit them, not when grandma and grandpa bring presents.


I'm not seeing why this is a bad thing. So your kids get Christmas gifts in July, or whenever. That's fine. Send their presents ahead of time, have a nice skype with them on Christmas morning and consider it done.


OP here. It's not that easy. They start nagging us right after we return from Christmas to travel to them (we're exhausted, mostly me though). And DH caves and then we go up.

I really just want one Christmas. Does that make me a bad person?
Anonymous
Post 09/07/2017 16:33     Subject: Alternative to two Christmases?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Stay home. They can bring the gifts when they bring them.


Agreed. The second event doesn't have to be another Christmas, just the time when Grandma and Grandpa bring their presents.


OP here. They make it into a second christmas. And they don't visit, so it's whenever we go visit them, not when grandma and grandpa bring presents.


I'm not seeing why this is a bad thing. So your kids get Christmas gifts in July, or whenever. That's fine. Send their presents ahead of time, have a nice skype with them on Christmas morning and consider it done.
Anonymous
Post 09/07/2017 16:18     Subject: Alternative to two Christmases?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Stay home. They can bring the gifts when they bring them.


Agreed. The second event doesn't have to be another Christmas, just the time when Grandma and Grandpa bring their presents.


OP here. They make it into a second christmas. And they don't visit, so it's whenever we go visit them, not when grandma and grandpa bring presents.
Anonymous
Post 09/07/2017 16:18     Subject: Alternative to two Christmases?
Anonymous wrote:OP said earlier that the gifts are the sticking point. I'd let it go. If the grandparents don't want to give the gifts to the kids until they see them, let them have their way. The kids will probably appreciate the gifts more in February or March or summer or whenever they get them.

We also have far-flung family and spend most every Christmas at home (sometimes the stars align and we all spend Christmas at a family vacation house which DH and I love but my kids are less than thrilled about). There are better times, less stressful times to travel.



OP here. The issues is the gifts. I just don't want to go travel for a 2nd Christmas in January. It's ridiculous. So yes, we could wait until we see the parents again, but that's not really a solution. They'll still treat it like a 2nd Christmas whenever we see them.

I'm debating just mailing their gifts in December and hoping they mail ours to us. Or come visit us if they want to celebrate a 2nd Christmas. I don't want to travel twice.
Anonymous
Post 09/07/2017 16:08     Subject: Alternative to two Christmases?
Anonymous wrote:Stay home. They can bring the gifts when they bring them.


Agreed. The second event doesn't have to be another Christmas, just the time when Grandma and Grandpa bring their presents.
Anonymous
Post 09/07/2017 16:05     Subject: Alternative to two Christmases?
Anonymous wrote:I noped out of celebrating the holidays outside of my home. My family knows that if they want to spend Christmas with my children that they come to my house. I spent the first 5 years of my kids lives (and the bulk of my own life) alternating holidays and travelling. Then I realized, no one else had to do that and I was the only being asked to travel, etc. So two years ago, I said everyone was welcome to come to my home but I'm not travelling for Thanksgiving or Christmas anymore.


I posted just above the same thing. Sometimes enough is enough. Often you travel, and then everything is insane anyway. We make a nice thing at home, we turn the lights off on Christmas Eve, sit in front of a tree with lights on and listen to Christmas music. It is intimate, it is quiet and even though one kid is now in college, they all still love it. Sometimes less is more. Over time, people stopped nagging. Heck, even my SIL who lives in the same town as her ILS and her Dad stopped doing everything to please everybody.
Anonymous
Post 09/07/2017 15:19     Subject: Alternative to two Christmases?
I noped out of celebrating the holidays outside of my home. My family knows that if they want to spend Christmas with my children that they come to my house. I spent the first 5 years of my kids lives (and the bulk of my own life) alternating holidays and travelling. Then I realized, no one else had to do that and I was the only being asked to travel, etc. So two years ago, I said everyone was welcome to come to my home but I'm not travelling for Thanksgiving or Christmas anymore.
Anonymous
Post 09/07/2017 15:18     Subject: Alternative to two Christmases?
OP said earlier that the gifts are the sticking point. I'd let it go. If the grandparents don't want to give the gifts to the kids until they see them, let them have their way. The kids will probably appreciate the gifts more in February or March or summer or whenever they get them.

We also have far-flung family and spend most every Christmas at home (sometimes the stars align and we all spend Christmas at a family vacation house which DH and I love but my kids are less than thrilled about). There are better times, less stressful times to travel.



Anonymous
Post 09/07/2017 15:12     Subject: Alternative to two Christmases?
Stay at home with your DH and kids. I don't know how old you are, but there has to be a cut off from where you are treated as a kid who comes home from college for Christmas. Many of the issues on these thread are caused by younger generation trying to please everybody and their cousin! There has to be a time when you are the grown up. Also, don't invite them if you don't want to. This is only an issue because you allow it to be an issue. We moved around a lot, and used to do the same run around, parents, ILS... Exhausting. One day, I just said, screw it, I am over 30 years old, I will go where I want, when I want.
Anonymous
Post 09/07/2017 15:04     Subject: Alternative to two Christmases?
We alternate Christmases, and while no one is totally happy, it's the best thing we can manage. Travelling twice over the holiday season is expensive and stressful. Our in-laws hold the gifts until they see the kids, knowing that could be a while; my parents ship the gifts and just ask that we take a lot of photos of the kids opening them. You're not being unreasonable.