Anonymous
08/31/2017 19:41
Subject: Need a reality check - would this text make you angry?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:DH mentioned that he needed some paperwork for his work about a week and half or two ago. I was in the middle of something and said "no problem - just remind me".
He never mentioned it again and I admit I flat forgot about it (I work full time and am 100% in charge of everything... house, lawn, kids, appointments, groceries, dishes,cooking, garbage, etc. You name it, I handle it) so it's not like I don't have 1,000,000 other things on my plate. DH's responsibilities are work and playing with the kids whenever he's around.
Anyway, I got a text today (which at work): "Need you to get that paperwork today. Boss is asking for it".
I was livid - seriously... not only does he expect me to do everything, he TELLS me to do things now?
I've had time to calm down, and just want a reality check. Would that text piss you off?
(and yes, things have to change - I've been taking steps to get him and the kids to help more because it's just not a fair distribution)
Seems you asked him to remind you. There is your reminder. Why expect something to change if you don't do something about it? You are mad at your living situation and your current roles. You are using this as an excuse to release built up anger.
Had you initially replied, "I'm too busy, the paper you need are in the drawer under the computer. I really need you to handle that on your own.", then it's on him.
I would argue that it's on him to begin with...it has to do with him driving and his job! My DH would never dream of asking me to do crap like that for him! Grow the F up!!
Anonymous
08/31/2017 19:32
Subject: Need a reality check - would this text make you angry?
NP. DH is like this-I push back. Amazing how pushing back works. Try it.
Anonymous
08/31/2017 19:26
Subject: Need a reality check - would this text make you angry?
Anonymous wrote:op here- he needed info about our auto insurance to see if he can still drive to meetings in his car
Instead of stewing about it, just tell him to call them himself. Like he should be doing. Stop enabling.
Anonymous
08/31/2017 19:23
Subject: Re:Need a reality check - would this text make you angry?
I wouldn't be mad at all. It was the reminder that you specifically asked for.
Anonymous
08/31/2017 19:20
Subject: Need a reality check - would this text make you angry?
Anonymous wrote:DH mentioned that he needed some paperwork for his work about a week and half or two ago. I was in the middle of something and said "no problem - just remind me".
He never mentioned it again and I admit I flat forgot about it (I work full time and am 100% in charge of everything... house, lawn, kids, appointments, groceries, dishes,cooking, garbage, etc. You name it, I handle it) so it's not like I don't have 1,000,000 other things on my plate. DH's responsibilities are work and playing with the kids whenever he's around.
Anyway, I got a text today (which at work): "Need you to get that paperwork today. Boss is asking for it".
I was livid - seriously... not only does he expect me to do everything, he TELLS me to do things now?
I've had time to calm down, and just want a reality check. Would that text piss you off?
(and yes, things have to change - I've been taking steps to get him and the kids to help more because it's just not a fair distribution)
I don't see what the big deal is. Text by nature is a bit curt. Should he have added a heart emoji?
It would have been fine for you to say, "Busy now, can't do it but feel free to get it in yourself
"
Anonymous
08/31/2017 17:53
Subject: Need a reality check - would this text make you angry?
Anonymous wrote:DH mentioned that he needed some paperwork for his work about a week and half or two ago. I was in the middle of something and said "no problem - just remind me".
He never mentioned it again and I admit I flat forgot about it (I work full time and am 100% in charge of everything... house, lawn, kids, appointments, groceries, dishes,cooking, garbage, etc. You name it, I handle it) so it's not like I don't have 1,000,000 other things on my plate. DH's responsibilities are work and playing with the kids whenever he's around.
Anyway, I got a text today (which at work): "Need you to get that paperwork today. Boss is asking for it".
I was livid - seriously... not only does he expect me to do everything, he TELLS me to do things now?
I've had time to calm down, and just want a reality check. Would that text piss you off?
(and yes, things have to change - I've been taking steps to get him and the kids to help more because it's just not a fair distribution)
Seems you asked him to remind you. There is your reminder. Why expect something to change if you don't do something about it? You are mad at your living situation and your current roles. You are using this as an excuse to release built up anger.
Had you initially replied, "I'm too busy, the paper you need are in the drawer under the computer. I really need you to handle that on your own.", then it's on him.
Anonymous
08/31/2017 17:50
Subject: Need a reality check - would this text make you angry?
At the risk of stating the obvious, it's not just the e-mail here. You sound unhappy with the division of labor. If it's how you described, I'd be unhappy, too.
Rather than respond with anger, I'd sit down briefly with DH and let him know your feelings about the e-mail and make a CONCRETE ask of what you would like for him to do. Is it do specific things in the household? Is it refraining from last minute requests, in which case he needs to handle himself? Is it to be more polite and respectful if he does need to call on you in the last minute?
Rather than respond with anger, I'd sit down briefly with DH and let him know your feelings about the e-mail and make a CONCRETE ask of what you would like for him to do. Is it do specific things in the household? Is it refraining from last minute requests, in which case he needs to handle himself? Is it to be more polite and respectful if he does need to call on you in the last minute?
Anonymous
08/31/2017 17:40
Subject: Need a reality check - would this text make you angry?
man-baby
Anonymous
08/31/2017 17:21
Subject: Need a reality check - would this text make you angry?
No. I would not fly off the handle over a forgotten reminder for some paperwork. I would just ask DH what he needed and the remind him later that I need a reminder for those kinds of things. I'm sure it wasn't easy for him to remember in front of his boss that he forgot to bring in paperwork and then to deal with anger from you.
What's really going on underneath all of this?
What's really going on underneath all of this?
Anonymous
08/31/2017 17:16
Subject: Re:Need a reality check - would this text make you angry?
OP, I think your anger is not over the text itself, but the expectation that you will do everything and that he's not even appreciative. this is not a recipe for success.
why are you taking it all on? I never took it all on and yet things were still imbalanced, with me taking on all the paperwork for insurance, finances, kids, medical, travel, day to day logistics payroll for the nanny etc because DH was 'so bad' at it. Well, that was convenient for him. Finally I just stopped doing a lot of it, said he had to do it, did not do it. When he forgot to get paperwork done I did not bail him out. When he could not figure something out, I did not bail him out. I still do more, but he has risen to the occasion and I no longer feel stressed and resentful. Also, he does a ton with the kids.
why are you taking it all on? I never took it all on and yet things were still imbalanced, with me taking on all the paperwork for insurance, finances, kids, medical, travel, day to day logistics payroll for the nanny etc because DH was 'so bad' at it. Well, that was convenient for him. Finally I just stopped doing a lot of it, said he had to do it, did not do it. When he forgot to get paperwork done I did not bail him out. When he could not figure something out, I did not bail him out. I still do more, but he has risen to the occasion and I no longer feel stressed and resentful. Also, he does a ton with the kids.
Anonymous
08/31/2017 17:06
Subject: Need a reality check - would this text make you angry?
this is crazy, he shouldn't have asked you in the first place. he has turned a 5 minute phone call by him to Geico into a multi-episode series.
Anonymous
08/31/2017 17:02
Subject: Need a reality check - would this text make you angry?
It wouldn't have made me angry. I'd have said "It's in the filing cabinet under "Car Stuff" - help yourself when you get home."
If he was bitchy about that I'd point out the 17 other things I'm doing tonight on TOP of my full time job.
If he was bitchy about that I'd point out the 17 other things I'm doing tonight on TOP of my full time job.
Anonymous
08/31/2017 16:55
Subject: Need a reality check - would this text make you angry?
You need to go back to square one with this guy.
"I need insurance paperwork."
"Call the company. The number is on the insurance card, which is in the glove compartment."
No idea why you have taken on so much. He can mow the damn lawn too and clean the house. Sheesh.
"I need insurance paperwork."
"Call the company. The number is on the insurance card, which is in the glove compartment."
No idea why you have taken on so much. He can mow the damn lawn too and clean the house. Sheesh.
Anonymous
08/31/2017 16:53
Subject: Need a reality check - would this text make you angry?
Tell him to call Flo himself.
Anonymous
08/31/2017 16:52
Subject: Need a reality check - would this text make you angry?
Tell him to call Jake at State Farm