Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is your teen a male or female?

If female, yes if she is very grounded and has goals, ambitions and another set of friends. She could be a good influence on this girl.

If male, no way.

Why not males?

PP obviously thinks males have no self control and are just trapped by evil females.

Anonymous wrote:Is your teen a male or female?

If female, yes if she is very grounded and has goals, ambitions and another set of friends. She could be a good influence on this girl.

If male, no way.

Why not males?

I find it out that people are looking down on this girl because she got pregnant twice. Teenagers get pregnant all the time. Teens have sex. You probably don't even know that your kid is having sex. The Plan B pill is sold over the counter. Very easy to end a pregnancy and I know many parents who tell their girls "if you get pregnant you are having an abortion". I also know many low income teens who have the babies, for social and monetary reasons. My question would be why did this girl decide to keep the baby, not only once but twice in 2 years. Is she insecure and needs the attention of a child, or of the child's father? Is she getting support from the government for each child? I can see doing this once as an unmarried teen if you felt like abortion was not an option for you but TWICE?? I am questioning her mental health.

I have skimmed this thread and found it interesting and informative. I think it depends on your child. I have a 15 year old DD who is heavy into sports. She does not socialize outside of her sports teammates (high school and club) and other social groups such as scouting and a social club she belongs to. However, she has not had a summer job yet. That will likely be next summer in between sports and school. But, I feel pretty confident she would not befriend a teen mom because the latter would not have much in common with DD or her friends. I am wondering why OP's daughter does not have other social outlets that she would be drawn to a friendship with a 17 year old with two toddlers. I have older nieces who have had children before marriage in their 20s and my DD is not high on that because she says they should be married first. But, my nieces are grown and they make their own life choices but DD can see it is not ideal. She also sees that without money, she won't be able to maintain the life that she enjoys and having a baby would also interfere with that -- now or later -- if she is not prepared. OP, if possible, try to get your DD involved in other activities. I would not outright deny her the opportunity to be friends with teen mom but if she is busy doing other things, she likely won't have time. And, have you met this girls' parents? I am curious to know what is going on in her home that she could have two children back to back before 18. That is alarming in itself.

In the town I grew up in the Dad most likely is a couple year older than the Mom and working full time to pay for things.

Even if the Mom is still in HS the Dad may have finished or quit.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why does this 17 year old have 2 kids. That is an important question.

What is hang out? Go to a drinking party? Go to Chipotle? Help her with her kids?

You tell your kids to choose their friends wisely. That does not mean dump every friend that is making mistakes.

You tell your kid to be kind to everybody. That does not mean hanging out with friends that are toxic and make bad decisions, constantly.

You have not given enough information, but in general, it does not seem like this girl is making healthy decision, so NO I would not.

?

Because she got pregnant at least twice and chose to remain pregnant, give birth, and keep the baby both times?

I'll admit that I'm a little confused too about how a girl who got pregnant at 14/15 and again at 16 (with a baby to care for already), is managing to hold down a job and find time and money for jaunts to the beach and around town. The babies don't exactly scream "great home life and personal planning skills," but the ample child care, spending money, car, and free time suggest otherwise. Maybe teen dad keeps the kid all day, who knows?

Some part of this story is missing. Is this girl part of some religion or culture that marries girls very young, and so her family is all on board and helping her care for her kids, buying her a car, housing her, etc.? Or what?

This is not a 30-something professional single mom. This is a (not even very old) teen. I'd want to know more, too, about what is a strange situation, at least among people I know. Would I stop her from being friends? No. But I wouldn't encourage it, and I would actively discourage her from becoming part of this girl's support network until I knew her and her story a lot better.

Anonymous wrote:Why does this 17 year old have 2 kids. That is an important question.

What is hang out? Go to a drinking party? Go to Chipotle? Help her with her kids?

You tell your kids to choose their friends wisely. That does not mean dump every friend that is making mistakes.

You tell your kid to be kind to everybody. That does not mean hanging out with friends that are toxic and make bad decisions, constantly.

You have not given enough information, but in general, it does not seem like this girl is making healthy decision, so NO I would not.

?

Because she got pregnant at least twice and chose to remain pregnant, give birth, and keep the baby both times?

2 kids by age 17. No way. Accidents happen but when they happen again, it isn't an accident.

DS is friends with a young man that he met on his college football team who became a father at 17. He came to college with his young wife and baby. DS has mentioned a few times how things are different for his friend. The little boy (who is now 2 years old) is kinda the team mascot. He wears his little spirit wear to all the football games and the boys agree he's super cute and they all consider themselves to be "uncles," but they also see how much work goes into having a family when your are so young yourself. My son has said he admires his friend for taking the hard road to step up and be an active and engaged parent. He sees what his friend misses out on and it has really made him think long and hard - probably far more than all of my lectures made him think about choices.

Yes

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. They're both female and my daughter met her at her summer job, they hang out together doing normal teen stuff, like going out to eat and shopping, beach and the girl brings her kids along who are 2 and 1.

She was going on about how cute the children are so I'm worried she has the wrong idea.

Your daughter drove to the beach with a 17 year old single mother and her 2 children for the day, for the weekend?

OP here. What no? There was no weekend a way, they spent a few hours at the beach the other girl drove, I wasn't too thrilled about that ( I like to know the people she's riding around with(

The beach thing strikes me as weird. I would not let my kid drive to the beach with a 17 year old potentially distracted by 2 small children. 17 year olds, even parents, have only been driving for a few months. And the beach in summer is 2-2.5 hours away (assuming they were going to the DE/MD beaches from here). So 4-5 hours in the car with an inexperienced driver? I wouldn't have allowed that even without the distraction of babies in the back seat.

However this 17 year old seems to have it together if she's regularly going out to dinner and shopping with a 1 and 2 year old. She must be making decent money and is able to manage 2 small children in restaurants.

She didn't ask me. She just went and I found out about it later We aren't in DC the beach isn't as far where we are, but I still dont like her being in the car with other teen drivers, especially ones I don't know.

They aren't going any place fancy, McDonald's level going out to eat, froyo, shopping at inexpensive places, I know my daughter has paid for things more than once.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. They're both female and my daughter met her at her summer job, they hang out together doing normal teen stuff, like going out to eat and shopping, beach and the girl brings her kids along who are 2 and 1.

She was going on about how cute the children are so I'm worried she has the wrong idea.

Your daughter drove to the beach with a 17 year old single mother and her 2 children for the day, for the weekend?

OP here. What no? There was no weekend a way, they spent a few hours at the beach the other girl drove, I wasn't too thrilled about that ( I like to know the people she's riding around with(

The beach thing strikes me as weird. I would not let my kid drive to the beach with a 17 year old potentially distracted by 2 small children. 17 year olds, even parents, have only been driving for a few months. And the beach in summer is 2-2.5 hours away (assuming they were going to the DE/MD beaches from here). So 4-5 hours in the car with an inexperienced driver? I wouldn't have allowed that even without the distraction of babies in the back seat.

However this 17 year old seems to have it together if she's regularly going out to dinner and shopping with a 1 and 2 year old. She must be making decent money and is able to manage 2 small children in restaurants.

No.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. They're both female and my daughter met her at her summer job, they hang out together doing normal teen stuff, like going out to eat and shopping, beach and the girl brings her kids along who are 2 and 1.

She was going on about how cute the children are so I'm worried she has the wrong idea.

Cutting off the friendship isn't going to get you anywhere with your daughter. If you're concerned she's getting the wrong impression of teen parenthood, find opportunities for constructive, non-judgmental conversation with your daughter about her friend. "Juggling a job and two kids must be hard for Sue. Does she have good support at home?"

Also, doing things with two little kids in tow may be a fun novelty for a while, but before too long it's probably going to lose it's appeal to your daughter and the friendship will likely fade at that point. Especially once the summer is over and they're not seeing each other at work all the time.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm trying to envision exactly how my parents could have stopped me from being friends with a work colleague when I was 16. I just don't think it would have been possible. But my parents also were not overprotective and neurotic, soooo...

That being said, I met people I never would have gotten to know otherwise that summer (working retail in the mall), and it was great for me to talk with people whose lives were nothing like my own.

+1. I hung out with all kinds of unsavory types in high school. The thought of my parents trying to police that makes me laugh. FWIW, I also waited until I was 20 to have sex.

+1 I drank with them after work. They supplied me with pot and coke. I also had sex with them. Good times!