Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There's no more to the story. the wrong race, poor, no education and was a glam model. Think she's a gold digger. Think she should have had an abortion. They view her as ruining my brother's life even though he was a grown man at the time.

I don't know what my SIL knows of the situation, I wouldn't be surprised if it's nothing. I don't know if he's paying child support I don't think that's my business to ask.

Anyway, I think I'll just be honest with her and go from there. I'd feel bad about lying either way.

Holy shit. If I was your SIL and found out my husband had a kid he abandoned and none of his family told me, I would divorce him so fast his head would spin and you and your parents would never lay eyes on my kid again. I can't believe you let this woman marry your brother without making sure she knew this. Your brother is a piece of crap and you don't owe him any loyalty. How do you even still have a relationship with him after what he did? You and your family are horrible people.

I hate responses like this. Unless you've actually been in the situation you have no idea what you would do. Life ain't black and white sweetheart.

Anonymous wrote:There's no more to the story. the wrong race, poor, no education and was a glam model. Think she's a gold digger. Think she should have had an abortion. They view her as ruining my brother's life even though he was a grown man at the time.

I don't know what my SIL knows of the situation, I wouldn't be surprised if it's nothing. I don't know if he's paying child support I don't think that's my business to ask.

Anyway, I think I'll just be honest with her and go from there. I'd feel bad about lying either way.

Holy shit. If I was your SIL and found out my husband had a kid he abandoned and none of his family told me, I would divorce him so fast his head would spin and you and your parents would never lay eyes on my kid again. I can't believe you let this woman marry your brother without making sure she knew this. Your brother is a piece of crap and you don't owe him any loyalty. How do you even still have a relationship with him after what he did? You and your family are horrible people.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There's no more to the story. the wrong race, poor, no education and was a glam model. Think she's a gold digger. Think she should have had an abortion. They view her as ruining my brother's life even though he was a grown man at the time.

I don't know what my SIL knows of the situation, I wouldn't be surprised if it's nothing. I don't know if he's paying child support I don't think that's my business to ask.

Anyway, I think I'll just be honest with her and go from there. I'd feel bad about lying either way.

Wrong. He fathered a child, he better be paying for that child. In fact, he should be doing a hell of a lot more than just that.

Of course he better, but that is 100% not in OP's view to take care of.

OP I echo letting her know you can't at that time but before or after and not tell her why- that's just mean for no reason. I also think, yes, sometimes you have to go to shit that isn't actually mandatory but would rather not have fall out from if there will be any. I think if you feel like talking to your family about this is going to be "breaking big news" to them, which it sounds like it might be, I would do it in a way that is totall divorced from the new baby/baby shower etc, that just throws gasoline on the situation

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There's no more to the story. the wrong race, poor, no education and was a glam model. Think she's a gold digger. Think she should have had an abortion. They view her as ruining my brother's life even though he was a grown man at the time.

I don't know what my SIL knows of the situation, I wouldn't be surprised if it's nothing. I don't know if he's paying child support I don't think that's my business to ask.

Anyway, I think I'll just be honest with her and go from there. I'd feel bad about lying either way.

Wrong. He fathered a child, he better be paying for that child. In fact, he should be doing a hell of a lot more than just that.

And What is OP to do about it? She can't make him pay if he isn't.

I have the same family dynamics - i.e. E, brother abandoned her . . . Easy call for me. Is e. Even if it were for minutes. My niece is now an adult and I have never regretted putting her first and I know our relationship has been a very important one.

You should be honest with your family about this child. And if your SIL has married this man and has a child on the way, and doesn't know... she needs to know. That's bullshit.

Anonymous wrote:If it's the same brother I'd skip the shower ad send a gift. I would probably say I'm sick. Sounds like your family wouldn't handle well the news that you're in touch with niece and her mom. She needs you more than brother/SIL/family does for a large gathering.

+1 This young woman has had so many doors shut in her face it would be cruel to withdraw your offer to help now. Sounds like you're really stuck. I'm sorry.

If I was your SIL I'd have a really hard time being excited to have a baby with a deadbeat that has abandoned his other child. Shit this all sucks. I'd want to be with my niece. Showers are crap.

You family is full of jerks.
And probably the kind who feel people are victimizing ' the system ' for handouts .
You brother should be slapped !!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There's no more to the story. the wrong race, poor, no education and was a glam model. Think she's a gold digger. Think she should have had an abortion. They view her as ruining my brother's life even though he was a grown man at the time.

I don't know what my SIL knows of the situation, I wouldn't be surprised if it's nothing. I don't know if he's paying child support I don't think that's my business to ask.

Anyway, I think I'll just be honest with her and go from there. I'd feel bad about lying either way.

Wrong. He fathered a child, he better be paying for that child. In fact, he should be doing a hell of a lot more than just that.

How is this OP's business?

Anonymous wrote:There's no more to the story. the wrong race, poor, no education and was a glam model. Think she's a gold digger. Think she should have had an abortion. They view her as ruining my brother's life even though he was a grown man at the time.

I don't know what my SIL knows of the situation, I wouldn't be surprised if it's nothing. I don't know if he's paying child support I don't think that's my business to ask.

Anyway, I think I'll just be honest with her and go from there. I'd feel bad about lying either way.

That's enough for many people, unfortunately. Help her out, take care of your niece. First ask if she can accomodate a time change, and if not, then tell her you'll do it. Tell SIL you're sick. Whatever. But it really sounds to me like she needs the help, and the child probably needs it as well.

Your brother better be paying child support. he sounds like a miserable piece of work.

Anonymous wrote:There's no more to the story. the wrong race, poor, no education and was a glam model. Think she's a gold digger. Think she should have had an abortion. They view her as ruining my brother's life even though he was a grown man at the time.

I don't know what my SIL knows of the situation, I wouldn't be surprised if it's nothing. I don't know if he's paying child support I don't think that's my business to ask.

Anyway, I think I'll just be honest with her and go from there. I'd feel bad about lying either way.

Wrong. He fathered a child, he better be paying for that child. In fact, he should be doing a hell of a lot more than just that.

Attend a party for a grown woman versus help out an abandoned child who needs to be cared for? No question. Clearly you skip the party and spend time with your niece.

There's no more to the story. the wrong race, poor, no education and was a glam model. Think she's a gold digger. Think she should have had an abortion. They view her as ruining my brother's life even though he was a grown man at the time.

I don't know what my SIL knows of the situation, I wouldn't be surprised if it's nothing. I don't know if he's paying child support I don't think that's my business to ask.

Anyway, I think I'll just be honest with her and go from there. I'd feel bad about lying either way.

I think a lot of the backstory is missing.

I think the ex is probably not quite as sainted as you might want to believe.

I find it hard to believe that your whole family turned against her for no actual reason and your parents against their grandchild.

Is is at all possible that she is not your brother's child after all and this info just hasn't been widely shared?

As for your situation, it's just a manufacture dilemna. You already had plans so no you can't babysit.