Anonymous wrote:OP, I would have probably behaved like you - ended the play-date and informed the father.

However, after hearing all the people who know such cases and are suggesting to call CPS, I am quite shaken. Abuse by a father or family member did not even cross my mind.

I am thinking would anyone who is sexually abusing their child let the child go on a playdate or would restrict them at home? Are they not scared that the child would spill the beans?

CSA survivor here.

Kids don't tell. Ever. You could present them with video evidence and they would tell you "It's not what it looks like." We know what's happening is wrong, but the unknown of what will happen if we tell is far scarier than that door opening in the middle of the night. We are ashamed. We are terrified. We know that we could implode our family with a single word, and so we don't do it.

I went on playdates. I went to sleepover camp every year -- a religious one, too. I stayed at grandma's for a week every summer. Those were the times I loved -- the times I got to live like a normal person. The times that door never opened.

If you think I was going to tell someone what was happening and end up in God knows where foster care... You are deluded.

That said, I wish to hell someone else had had the strength to make that call.

OP, I would have probably behaved like you - ended the play-date and informed the father.

However, after hearing all the people who know such cases and are suggesting to call CPS, I am quite shaken. Abuse by a father or family member did not even cross my mind.

I am thinking would anyone who is sexually abusing their child let the child go on a playdate or would restrict them at home? Are they not scared that the child would spill the beans?

Anonymous wrote:OP, I think you handle it well. Of course it would have been best to question the child about his action and made it clear inappropriate behaviors are not welcome in your household. And as far as calling CPS, i agree with some of the PPs, kids have access to a lot of porn by accidental exposure, so it's hard to say where that child have learned the behavior. He could have accidentally come across things by using older brother's phone. There's just to many ways for kids to access this stuff.

I think that the point is that it is not OP's job to try and decide whether or not the visitor was abused. OP does not have the background or information to properly assess the situation. That is CPS's job - they investigate and interview and are best situated to evaluate what truly happened.

OP, I think you handle it well. Of course it would have been best to question the child about his action and made it clear inappropriate behaviors are not welcome in your household. And as far as calling CPS, i agree with some of the PPs, kids have access to a lot of porn by accidental exposure, so it's hard to say where that child have learned the behavior. He could have accidentally come across things by using older brother's phone. There's just to many ways for kids to access this stuff.

As a survivor of child sexual abuse by a family member, I strongly urge anyone who suspects CSA to report it to CPS.

I honestly don't know how you would live with yourself trying to justify doing nothing because "CPS is far from benign."

So is having sex with your father.

Unfortunately CPS is far from benign. And you can't know if the investigation will be competent or reactionary. They can, and often do, do more harm than good. Being taken away from your parents and bouncing around the foster care system is not a small consequence. I don't know what I'd do in relation to the other little boy.

I think you handled the situation well OP.

Anonymous wrote:Smut is all over the Internet and our kids are "learning" from it. It's easy to discover porn clips despite parental controls.

While it is honorable and right choice to contact CPS, you can also cause harm (long term scrutiny) to the child and family if this was a prank. (But if it happened to my son I'd be livid)

Uhhhhh, what?? A) I don't think you know what the definition of "prank" is. B) so? A normal family that has nothing to hide shouldn't be unduly bothered by increased scrutiny, right?
Your response is BS

Smut is all over the Internet and our kids are "learning" from it. It's easy to discover porn clips despite parental controls.

While it is honorable and right choice to contact CPS, you can also cause harm (long term scrutiny) to the child and family if this was a prank. (But if it happened to my son I'd be livid)

Call CPS, or when you really understand this you will be laying awake at night wishing you had.

Anonymous wrote:Good grief people- any kid can trip over sexual content on music videos. We found out the hard way.

No, not to the extent of practicing repeatedly on a friend at a playdate.

If you think that kind of behavior comes of "tripping over" sexual content, you are seriously messed up.

I would definitely call CPS. Tell them about the father being embarrassed (bad sign in my opinion - he should be shocked and promising to get to the bottom of it... and now he will have time to prepare a story before CPS asks him) and the boy having a rough year with a death in the family. Sounds like someone is taking advantage of a troubled situation. Maybe the older brother was also abused.

Poor kids. But yeah, I'd also keep my kids away.

Anonymous wrote:Good grief people- any kid can trip over sexual content on music videos. We found out the hard way.

Does your kid 69 his playdates?

Good grief people- any kid can trip over sexual content on music videos. We found out the hard way.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would call the school counselor and CPS. They will investigate contrary to what a PP stated.

CPS will certainly investigate. The school will not investigate something that happened at a private home over the summer. Also, schools do not investigate suspicion of child abuse. They let the professionals do that. Schools holding their own investigations can actually impede CPS and law enforcement investigations so they are told not to investigate such claims, just to make the report. Why is that difficult to understand?

Why would they investigate? What is there to investigate?

Believe it or not when kids have older siblings they observe and see things and try and figure out what things are "cool" not only to impress their older sibling but also their own friends. Could be the older sibling and his friends were talking about it, laughing and the younger kid thinks it's something cool so tries to show off to his friend.

I think the OP made the right decision. Ended the play date and moved on. Sometimes that's all that needs to be done.

NO, NO, NO... my half sister was sexually abused by her father for years- there were signs, people just dismissed- thought they were over thinking it... so much better to call CPS

Yes. Much better to call.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would call the school counselor and CPS. They will investigate contrary to what a PP stated.

CPS will certainly investigate. The school will not investigate something that happened at a private home over the summer. Also, schools do not investigate suspicion of child abuse. They let the professionals do that. Schools holding their own investigations can actually impede CPS and law enforcement investigations so they are told not to investigate such claims, just to make the report. Why is that difficult to understand?

Why would they investigate? What is there to investigate?

Believe it or not when kids have older siblings they observe and see things and try and figure out what things are "cool" not only to impress their older sibling but also their own friends. Could be the older sibling and his friends were talking about it, laughing and the younger kid thinks it's something cool so tries to show off to his friend.

I think the OP made the right decision. Ended the play date and moved on. Sometimes that's all that needs to be done.

Wow -- is that you mom? Denial ain't just a river, is it?

No child should ever learn about sexual moaning and "69" from anyone. If this situation is as "innocent" as you so desperately want it to be, then let CPS determine that.