Anonymous
Post 08/17/2017 17:21     Subject: Re:Rising High School Senior just decided to extend his trip...
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP, he is old enough to travel alone with his girlfriend and they've already had sex - so put those two things out of your mind. If he is exhausted on his first day of school that is on him.

Yes, he should have asked you and DH if he could stay longer but... not a big deal, is it?

This is your last school year home with your son, OP. Let go of the anger and enjoy this last year.


Perfectly said!


This. Your son is a responsible young man now. Enjoy this last year with him at home.
Anonymous
Post 08/17/2017 17:20     Subject: Re:Rising High School Senior just decided to extend his trip...
Anonymous wrote:He's acting his age. The parent/child relationship changes -- and that's a good thing. But to the pp who suggested you check his school schedule? Absolutely not. Too bad he's not in a fall Varsity sport that he'd already be 2 weeks into practices.


To clarify - I said that HE (Op's son) should check his own schedule and make sure that he has all of his classes in order for his senior year. If his schedule doesn't look right, he is going to need to be on top of that. Op has since filled in more details about her son so it seems that he is likely to do that all on his own.

Honestly, the kid seems as though he has act together. If he was relying on Op to get his back to school shopping done, drive him to school and sit down with the guidance counselor to get his courses straight that would be different. It sounds as though the kid will be handling all of this himself which is great.

Anonymous
Post 08/17/2017 17:13     Subject: Re:Rising High School Senior just decided to extend his trip...
Anonymous wrote:OP, he is old enough to travel alone with his girlfriend and they've already had sex - so put those two things out of your mind. If he is exhausted on his first day of school that is on him.

Yes, he should have asked you and DH if he could stay longer but... not a big deal, is it?

This is your last school year home with your son, OP. Let go of the anger and enjoy this last year.


Perfectly said!
Anonymous
Post 08/17/2017 17:05     Subject: Rising High School Senior just decided to extend his trip...
Anonymous wrote:Where is he with his college applications and summer homework?


Not OPs problem.
Anonymous
Post 08/17/2017 17:04     Subject: Rising High School Senior just decided to extend his trip...
Where is he with his college applications and summer homework?

Anonymous
Post 08/17/2017 16:58     Subject: Re:Rising High School Senior just decided to extend his trip...
Anonymous wrote:Typing through tears here! Thank you all so much. DCUM as fast therapy - who knew!

You all have been wonderful and generous with me. I thank you.

Glad to help!!
Anonymous
Post 08/17/2017 16:54     Subject: Rising High School Senior just decided to extend his trip...
And this right here folks is why you don't redshirt your boys. Send them to kindergarten on time.
Anonymous
Post 08/17/2017 16:50     Subject: Re:Rising High School Senior just decided to extend his trip...
Typing through tears here! Thank you all so much. DCUM as fast therapy - who knew!

You all have been wonderful and generous with me. I thank you.
Anonymous
Post 08/17/2017 16:49     Subject: Re:Rising High School Senior just decided to extend his trip...
You and his father raised a confident responsible kid! (You have yourselves to blame ) Congratulations!
Anonymous
Post 08/17/2017 16:47     Subject: Re:Rising High School Senior just decided to extend his trip...
You still have lots of time, just not in the same way. Your young man is going to impress you and he will still need his mom. But as a young man, not a child.

You did so well by raising him to be such a responsible and adventurous person!
Anonymous
Post 08/17/2017 16:46     Subject: Re:Rising High School Senior just decided to extend his trip...
OP, now that you've figured out that you just miss him then really think about not making a big deal about it when he gets home. He sounds like a responsible and great kid. Let him continue to grow up and make decisions and deal with consequences. Except I would try to have the safe sex, respect women, etc conversation soon and/or again.
Anonymous
Post 08/17/2017 16:44     Subject: Rising High School Senior just decided to extend his trip...
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Is this out of character for him? I am curious about how he let you know about his plans.. Did he call you or just send an email? In any case, take this opportunity to take a deep breath and think about your conversation when he does arrive home. Let your DH take the lead with your son. Sometimes a naggy mom doesn't have the same impact. It is time for a discussion about respect, trust etc. This would seriously cross the line in my household. While I always supported my 2 boys, they would NEVER inform me of a 6 day vacation change. Don't allow him to pull the "I am an adult" card. Remind him that if he wants to be an adult, his college tuition is HIS responsibility.



OP here again and thank you everyone. Okay - so...
DS let us know by text. A sort of "by the way..." and is now unreachable as they are somewhere in rural Sweden with, apparently, no cell service. I don't believe it but can't prove it.

He totally paid for this trip with his own money. He had a great summer job and worked hard.

He is not in any fall sport and his schedule is set - but he is senior class president and probably should have been back before school starts to do stuff... but I am not even sure about that.

He is a top student - very responsible with grades/school work and actually very responsible about helping his younger siblings.

He DOES live and eat at home as well as drive our car - but has been tutoring for extra money and hasn't asked us for much since he's been 14.

He will, most likely, get a merit and/or need based scholarship to college.


I am calmer now - thank you all - but just sad. I miss him. I feel like he went to college already and he's gone. I just miss him.


This is what you're really feeling. You've just described a responsible, reliable kid. He's grabbed his freedom rather than waiting for you to give it to him. When you told him things like, "You can go on this trip if you pay for it," you also implicitly told him he could start living life as an adult.

You are doing great as a parent! It just hurts to know he's ready to go, and you thought you had more time.



This. You thought you had more time.

Hugs, OP - he sound like a great kid.
Anonymous
Post 08/17/2017 16:44     Subject: Rising High School Senior just decided to extend his trip...
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I don't think 18 is a magical age at which you get to do whatever you want, especially while still in HS and living at home.

Not sure what you do, OP, but I would be furious too. And not just at lack of control - at the demonstrated lack of maturity and courtesy.


This. People are acting like this is a college kid, instead of a high schooler who's obviously counting on Mom & Dad to go buy his school supplies so he'll be ready for Day One. He's legally an adult, but he's still a kid in reality.


He's 18. He turned 18 the end of July. That's the age of a student the summer before going to college, and he's doing things I would expect a kid to do the summer before college. Not only because it's the summer between high school and college, but also because he's 18! He should be making his own decisions and plans.

He's mature enough to plan and pay for his own travel. I'm betting he's got the school supplies handled.
Anonymous
Post 08/17/2017 16:40     Subject: Rising High School Senior just decided to extend his trip...
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Is this out of character for him? I am curious about how he let you know about his plans.. Did he call you or just send an email? In any case, take this opportunity to take a deep breath and think about your conversation when he does arrive home. Let your DH take the lead with your son. Sometimes a naggy mom doesn't have the same impact. It is time for a discussion about respect, trust etc. This would seriously cross the line in my household. While I always supported my 2 boys, they would NEVER inform me of a 6 day vacation change. Don't allow him to pull the "I am an adult" card. Remind him that if he wants to be an adult, his college tuition is HIS responsibility.



OP here again and thank you everyone. Okay - so...
DS let us know by text. A sort of "by the way..." and is now unreachable as they are somewhere in rural Sweden with, apparently, no cell service. I don't believe it but can't prove it.

He totally paid for this trip with his own money. He had a great summer job and worked hard.

He is not in any fall sport and his schedule is set - but he is senior class president and probably should have been back before school starts to do stuff... but I am not even sure about that.

He is a top student - very responsible with grades/school work and actually very responsible about helping his younger siblings.

He DOES live and eat at home as well as drive our car - but has been tutoring for extra money and hasn't asked us for much since he's been 14.

He will, most likely, get a merit and/or need based scholarship to college.


I am calmer now - thank you all - but just sad. I miss him. I feel like he went to college already and he's gone. I just miss him.


Wow, and the truth comes out!

Please land your helicopter and let your child grow up. This was a non-issue, clearly.



Stop, PP. OP is working stuff out - she is not a helicopter parent since her kid is on the other side of the ocean without her.

And missing your child is not a non-issue.

Hugs, OP - it gets easier. And I still think he should have asked rather than announced!
Anonymous
Post 08/17/2017 16:40     Subject: Rising High School Senior just decided to extend his trip...
He should have told you in advance but other than that, you need to let it go. Sounds like you've raised an amazing kid. And at least he'll be getting up early for school and going to bed early. Think back to being 18...don't you wish you were on that trip?