Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was one of those who used to judge parents very harshly when the kids were not on their best behavior. And then I gave birth to a wonderful, adorable little boy with non-visible special needs. We rarely go out to eat, but sometimes my husband's relatives basically force us by taking offense if we don't come to their events at restaurants.

My son cannot sit still and becomes easily agitated. He calms himself by running up and down the aisles of restaurants and through tables. Everyone takes a turn going to follow him and make sure he does not get in trouble, but I know he still disruptive to other diners. He is trying his best and so are we, his parents. But it is very hard.

Why don't you take him outside instead of disrupting others?

I do. We spend much of our time outside while everyone else eats at these obnoxious events my in-laws like to hold. inevitably, one of them will come outside and ask us to come in so they can take photos or see my son, with the implication being that I am keeping him away from them. It is a very tough situation made harder by thoughtless people.

Who is thoughtless, your in-laws?

Have you not explained to your in laws that your child is handicapped and cannot participate in these events?

+1 And if they still don't "care", then have you thought of just not going? How can they "force" you to attend? I understand that they probably make your situation very uncomfortable, but then, your DH should be the one running interference and explaining it to them.

PP here, thanks for your unsolicited advice, but I didn't post for your input. I answered the OP's question. That's all.

At some point you have to stop making excuses. You and your husband are presumably grown adults. If you know your kid can't function in certain settings, don't put out him in those situations. You don't get to say - oh it will be hard, or oh other people won't listen - and therefore I will endanger my kid and disrupt everyone in a restaurant. Sorry, it doesn't, or at least shouldn't, work that way. At some point, you should take responsibility for making decisions that are unfair to your kid and other patrons since it is your choice - not your meany in-laws - for going to the restaurant and/or bringing your kid back in when you know he won't be able to handle it.

Are you on the spectrum? Why don't you get that people don't care what you think? It's so odd when people continue to pile on to a poster who isn't interested. Move on.

Actually people do care what PP thinks - it's just that the previous PP won't admit that there are other options. I am the poster with a similarly difficult child and I asked if she takes her child outside. I responded that there are other options, but then she got mad that I was trying to lecture her.

The desire to "pile on" comes from people who refuse to admit they are doing anything wrong, and continue to make excuses for their childs poor behavior, and dare I say, their poor parenting choices. I don't care how difficult your kid is (bet mine is worse), or how demanding your in-laws are, or how overwhelming it is for you to deal with your kid every day. We all need to deal with this shit. Kids shouldn't be running around in restaurants. Period.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Because all kids today are on the spectrum, didn't you know? And disciplining them just won't work because of this. I mean, they're on the spectrum... they just don't understand!

Cracks me up to hear parents today say this. I grew up with two SN cousins and they were very well-behaved. Why? Because my aunt & uncle didn't use their disability as an excuse for their bad behavior. They were given choices, like, "you can sit still here at dinner or you can sit still at home in time out." And they had consequences for their behavior just like any other child.

So, what is your excuse for being an ill-tempered asshole? Sounds as if your parents failed where your cousins' parents succeeded.

Not ill-tempered asshole at all. I know the rules and how to behave in public and do so. I don't say anything to the parents of unruly kids because not my horse, not my race. I just find it funny that most parents I know have a kid "on the spectrum."

Anonymous wrote:Because all kids today are on the spectrum, didn't you know? And disciplining them just won't work because of this. I mean, they're on the spectrum... they just don't understand!

Cracks me up to hear parents today say this. I grew up with two SN cousins and they were very well-behaved. Why? Because my aunt & uncle didn't use their disability as an excuse for their bad behavior. They were given choices, like, "you can sit still here at dinner or you can sit still at home in time out." And they had consequences for their behavior just like any other child.

So, what is your excuse for being an ill-tempered asshole? Sounds as if your parents failed where your cousins' parents succeeded.

I remember in college, my roommate came home in tears because she spun around to leave a table and knocked a little 2 year old in the head with her serving tray. The kid flew back into the dividing wall and hit the back of his head pretty hard. He'd been running around the restaurant and the parents had been warned by the manager to rein him in. But their excuse was the kid wasn't hungry and didn't want to sit still. He had a big bump on the back of his head and a gash on the front from the serving tray. The parents were irate & the mom even pushed my roommate. They threatened to sue, but the security footage from that day was pulled and preserved to show the manager talking to the parents and the kid continuing to run.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was one of those who used to judge parents very harshly when the kids were not on their best behavior. And then I gave birth to a wonderful, adorable little boy with non-visible special needs. We rarely go out to eat, but sometimes my husband's relatives basically force us by taking offense if we don't come to their events at restaurants.

My son cannot sit still and becomes easily agitated. He calms himself by running up and down the aisles of restaurants and through tables. Everyone takes a turn going to follow him and make sure he does not get in trouble, but I know he still disruptive to other diners. He is trying his best and so are we, his parents. But it is very hard.

Why don't you take him outside instead of disrupting others?

I do. We spend much of our time outside while everyone else eats at these obnoxious events my in-laws like to hold. inevitably, one of them will come outside and ask us to come in so they can take photos or see my son, with the implication being that I am keeping him away from them. It is a very tough situation made harder by thoughtless people.

Who is thoughtless, your in-laws?

Have you not explained to your in laws that your child is handicapped and cannot participate in these events?

+1 And if they still don't "care", then have you thought of just not going? How can they "force" you to attend? I understand that they probably make your situation very uncomfortable, but then, your DH should be the one running interference and explaining it to them.

PP here, thanks for your unsolicited advice, but I didn't post for your input. I answered the OP's question. That's all.

At some point you have to stop making excuses. You and your husband are presumably grown adults. If you know your kid can't function in certain settings, don't put out him in those situations. You don't get to say - oh it will be hard, or oh other people won't listen - and therefore I will endanger my kid and disrupt everyone in a restaurant. Sorry, it doesn't, or at least shouldn't, work that way. At some point, you should take responsibility for making decisions that are unfair to your kid and other patrons since it is your choice - not your meany in-laws - for going to the restaurant and/or bringing your kid back in when you know he won't be able to handle it.

Are you on the spectrum? Why don't you get that people don't care what you think? It's so odd when people continue to pile on to a poster who isn't interested. Move on.

Because all kids today are on the spectrum, didn't you know? And disciplining them just won't work because of this. I mean, they're on the spectrum... they just don't understand!

Cracks me up to hear parents today say this. I grew up with two SN cousins and they were very well-behaved. Why? Because my aunt & uncle didn't use their disability as an excuse for their bad behavior. They were given choices, like, "you can sit still here at dinner or you can sit still at home in time out." And they had consequences for their behavior just like any other child.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was one of those who used to judge parents very harshly when the kids were not on their best behavior. And then I gave birth to a wonderful, adorable little boy with non-visible special needs. We rarely go out to eat, but sometimes my husband's relatives basically force us by taking offense if we don't come to their events at restaurants.

My son cannot sit still and becomes easily agitated. He calms himself by running up and down the aisles of restaurants and through tables. Everyone takes a turn going to follow him and make sure he does not get in trouble, but I know he still disruptive to other diners. He is trying his best and so are we, his parents. But it is very hard.

Why don't you take him outside instead of disrupting others?

I do. We spend much of our time outside while everyone else eats at these obnoxious events my in-laws like to hold. inevitably, one of them will come outside and ask us to come in so they can take photos or see my son, with the implication being that I am keeping him away from them. It is a very tough situation made harder by thoughtless people.

Who is thoughtless, your in-laws?

Have you not explained to your in laws that your child is handicapped and cannot participate in these events?

+1 And if they still don't "care", then have you thought of just not going? How can they "force" you to attend? I understand that they probably make your situation very uncomfortable, but then, your DH should be the one running interference and explaining it to them.

PP here, thanks for your unsolicited advice, but I didn't post for your input. I answered the OP's question. That's all.

At some point you have to stop making excuses. You and your husband are presumably grown adults. If you know your kid can't function in certain settings, don't put out him in those situations. You don't get to say - oh it will be hard, or oh other people won't listen - and therefore I will endanger my kid and disrupt everyone in a restaurant. Sorry, it doesn't, or at least shouldn't, work that way. At some point, you should take responsibility for making decisions that are unfair to your kid and other patrons since it is your choice - not your meany in-laws - for going to the restaurant and/or bringing your kid back in when you know he won't be able to handle it.

I went to a bar recently, and this family with a toddler:

- Chose to sit at the bar, with stools that were obviously way too high, and too dangerous for a toddler to actually sit on. Even though plenty of actual tables were available
- Instead, let the toddler run all around the bar making a racket
- Let the kid bang on a giant glass display case, that echoed throughout the whole bar while they were getting their shit together to leave

I don't get annoyed at kids when they aren't on their best behavior at restaurants. Kids should be kids - they aren't able to control their impulses yet and act like perfect little adults. I get annoyed at parents who let their kids run wild in inappropriate spaces.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was one of those who used to judge parents very harshly when the kids were not on their best behavior. And then I gave birth to a wonderful, adorable little boy with non-visible special needs. We rarely go out to eat, but sometimes my husband's relatives basically force us by taking offense if we don't come to their events at restaurants.

My son cannot sit still and becomes easily agitated. He calms himself by running up and down the aisles of restaurants and through tables. Everyone takes a turn going to follow him and make sure he does not get in trouble, but I know he still disruptive to other diners. He is trying his best and so are we, his parents. But it is very hard.

Why don't you take him outside instead of disrupting others?

I do. We spend much of our time outside while everyone else eats at these obnoxious events my in-laws like to hold. inevitably, one of them will come outside and ask us to come in so they can take photos or see my son, with the implication being that I am keeping him away from them. It is a very tough situation made harder by thoughtless people.

It is a tough situation made harder by your in-law's thoughtlessness, and I sympathize with you because we have many of the same issues (child with SN who also has trouble sitting still and quiet at a restaurant, and relatives who don't take his needs seriously). I disagree, though, that this justifies letting your child run around a restaurant, even with an adult along to supervise. Not only is it incredibly rude to the other diners around you, but you create a safety hazard for the wait staff. All it takes is your child bolting before the adult can stop him, or the adult getting distracted for a moment (e.g., looking back at the table to see if food has arrived yet and they can bring your child back) and missing that your child has run in the path of a waiter with a full-laden tray of meals. Your in-laws are being unfair to you, but you are the one who has the responsibility to deal with it appropriately, you can't just push their poor judgment onto other people who have no say in whether your child comes to a restaurant.

Anonymous wrote:I get a kick out of parents who say "my kid can't sit still." Actually, your kid won't sit still because you refuse to teach him or her how to. Sitting still is a learned behavior that millions of children have and still continue to learn. It can be done.

I get a kick out of people who think that all people are the same.

I get a kick out of parents who say "my kid can't sit still." Actually, your kid won't sit still because you refuse to teach him or her how to. Sitting still is a learned behavior that millions of children have and still continue to learn. It can be done.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My brother lets his 2 year old do this because my brother thinks *everyone* thinks that kid is the cutest kid in the world. So surely all restaurant goers should be a witness to his adorable glory.

Your brother's two-year-old probably is adorable. Most two-year-olds are. My personal to-do list is too long to have room for complaining about people who let their two-year-olds run around at restaurants (though not, evidently, too long to post on threads where other people complain).

No his two year old isn't that adorable that we want to witness his behaving like an uncaged animal. Manners needs to be taught often and early, believe me I have a nephew who was "excused" from the normal etiquette of society because his mother thought he was the king of all children. Twenty five years old and he is an absolute train wreck, chews with his mouth wide open and all, can't keep a relationship going because he is so unbelievably obnoxious. Your two year old may be the most adorable precious little think to you (and believe me, mine was to me) but most others could care less. Teach them manners for the sake of society.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was one of those who used to judge parents very harshly when the kids were not on their best behavior. And then I gave birth to a wonderful, adorable little boy with non-visible special needs. We rarely go out to eat, but sometimes my husband's relatives basically force us by taking offense if we don't come to their events at restaurants.

My son cannot sit still and becomes easily agitated. He calms himself by running up and down the aisles of restaurants and through tables. Everyone takes a turn going to follow him and make sure he does not get in trouble, but I know he still disruptive to other diners. He is trying his best and so are we, his parents. But it is very hard.

Why don't you take him outside instead of disrupting others?

I do. We spend much of our time outside while everyone else eats at these obnoxious events my in-laws like to hold. inevitably, one of them will come outside and ask us to come in so they can take photos or see my son, with the implication being that I am keeping him away from them. It is a very tough situation made harder by thoughtless people.

Who is thoughtless, your in-laws?

Have you not explained to your in laws that your child is handicapped and cannot participate in these events?

+1 And if they still don't "care", then have you thought of just not going? How can they "force" you to attend? I understand that they probably make your situation very uncomfortable, but then, your DH should be the one running interference and explaining it to them.

PP here, thanks for your unsolicited advice, but I didn't post for your input. I answered the OP's question. That's all.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was one of those who used to judge parents very harshly when the kids were not on their best behavior. And then I gave birth to a wonderful, adorable little boy with non-visible special needs. We rarely go out to eat, but sometimes my husband's relatives basically force us by taking offense if we don't come to their events at restaurants.

My son cannot sit still and becomes easily agitated. He calms himself by running up and down the aisles of restaurants and through tables. Everyone takes a turn going to follow him and make sure he does not get in trouble, but I know he still disruptive to other diners. He is trying his best and so are we, his parents. But it is very hard.

Why don't you take him outside instead of disrupting others?

I do. We spend much of our time outside while everyone else eats at these obnoxious events my in-laws like to hold. inevitably, one of them will come outside and ask us to come in so they can take photos or see my son, with the implication being that I am keeping him away from them. It is a very tough situation made harder by thoughtless people.

Who is thoughtless, your in-laws?

Yes.

Yet, PP, you say that you have not told many of the relatives about his special needs. How can they be thoughtless when they don't know the full extent of the issue?

PP here, I know you think you have a good "gotcha" moment here, but don't you think I would have told my in-laws about his special needs before deeming them inconsiderate?

We have to go out to eat because of my blind father in law. We keep the kids outside as much as possible since they can't sit still. We hate it and would choose not to go out but a blind elderly man in a toddler proofed house and two toddlers just doesnt work.