Anonymous
08/11/2017 11:16
Subject: Re:Open marriage
Anonymous wrote:He can't be satisfied unless he has multiple partners?? Don't all vaginas do the same thing? You two sound like two idiots running from your problems just to create more problems
Sex has very little do with different physical equipment. Sexual chemistry is different with each partner.
Anonymous
08/11/2017 11:15
Subject: Re:Open marriage
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:All the open marriages I know ended in really ugly divorces.
How many do you know?
7
I am 52, lots of open marriages in our 40's.
Hey I'm 52 also and know several.
Anonymous
08/11/2017 11:14
Subject: Re:Open marriage
My brother and his wife decided to have an open marriage. Then she couldn't find other men to sleep with and my brother had no problem, so she wanted to go back to sexual exclusivity. My brother said no, and they divorced.
I agree with the posters who say he's already having sex with others, so I'm glad you agreed and his lack of fidelity relieves you.
I agree with the posters who say he's already having sex with others, so I'm glad you agreed and his lack of fidelity relieves you.
Anonymous
08/11/2017 10:31
Subject: Re:Open marriage
Anonymous wrote:Google it and you will find 92 percent of open marriages end in divorce. If you are not giving him sex he will develop an emotional attachment to one of the women that do.
I'm skeptical of that statistic. Have they done a long term study from marriage to end of marriage (including death)? 92% of all marriages that were opened at any point ... and possibly closed back up ... have end in divorceI have a hard time believing that number. I'm betting there are a lot of open marriages that ended in death of one spouse, but it doesn't get reported. Nobody knows. 92% sounds ridiculously high.
Anonymous
08/11/2017 10:27
Subject: Re:Open marriage
By all means open it up. But make sure it isn't one sided. You need to open it up on your side, too. He's going to outsource, and you should also get some discreetly on the side. You'll LOVE it.
OP, do not look at it as a chance for just him to explore. Find a disease-free, drug-free man who turns you on and make him a lover. You can be careful and safe while enjoying yourself.
With regard to all posters who have tried to make you awful, they provide nothing. In examining their lives we would see that the level of hostility they have shown here is reflected everywhere and impacts their families in ways as damaging as what they are trying to make you feel gulity about.
Anonymous
08/11/2017 10:11
Subject: Open marriage
Dan Savage is a pretty big advocate for open marriages and provides some good books and resources for keeping things respectful and reasonable. He talks about it on his podcast Savage Love, and probably has some info on his website.
Anonymous
08/11/2017 10:06
Subject: Open marriage
I'm in an open marriage. Have been for 16 years.
The reality is that anyone can leave anyone else at any time. Marriage is no guarantee. Sexual exclusivity is no guarantee. Having children together is no guarantee. Once you get past that fear, you realize that no one can break up a relationship except the two people in it.
Sex isn't what keeps us together, at least not exclusively. It's one of many things, like choosing to have a child together, shared goals, finances, interests, laughing together, mutual respect. We are a team.
An open marriage has afforded us a lot of fun excitement in the bedroom, both together and separately. We've closed up when I was pregnant for health reasons -- i.e. not worth the risk of STIs to the fetus. He has also stayed monogamous with me during the post-partum period when physically, things have been difficult. That's that mutual respect.
Hoping to have my mojo back soon and open things up again.
The reality is that anyone can leave anyone else at any time. Marriage is no guarantee. Sexual exclusivity is no guarantee. Having children together is no guarantee. Once you get past that fear, you realize that no one can break up a relationship except the two people in it.
Sex isn't what keeps us together, at least not exclusively. It's one of many things, like choosing to have a child together, shared goals, finances, interests, laughing together, mutual respect. We are a team.
An open marriage has afforded us a lot of fun excitement in the bedroom, both together and separately. We've closed up when I was pregnant for health reasons -- i.e. not worth the risk of STIs to the fetus. He has also stayed monogamous with me during the post-partum period when physically, things have been difficult. That's that mutual respect.
Hoping to have my mojo back soon and open things up again.
Anonymous
08/11/2017 09:23
Subject: Open marriage
By all means open it up. But make sure it isn't one sided. You need to open it up on your side, too. He's going to outsource, and you should also get some discreetly on the side. You'll LOVE it.
Anonymous
08/11/2017 08:43
Subject: Open marriage
I think that "low drive" wives who think that they just don't enjoy sex find out differently when they sleep with other people. Having a few fwb's will probably wake up her drive.
Anonymous
08/11/2017 08:43
Subject: Open marriage
Make sure birth control trip is taken care of on his end. If he fathers a child he will be financially responsible for them - for 18-21 years or more if they are late to launch. Are you willing and happy to take that on?
Anonymous
08/11/2017 08:30
Subject: Re:Open marriage
Anonymous wrote:Google it and you will find 92 percent of open marriages end in divorce. If you are not giving him sex he will develop an emotional attachment to one of the women that do.
True 92% get divorced.
But HE will not develop an emotional attachment.
What normally happens (of course there are outliers) is that men are looking for quantity, so they find a woman and see her 1-2 times a week, minimum. It take's time and energy away from the family. The woman gets an attachment, it gets messy at about the 8-12 month mark and there is a breakup. Then the man has to look again, rinse repeat and he gets sick of the hunt and the breakup and eventually becomes less connected to his family/children.
The woman really is not looking for any more sex so she does not look for anything, eventually something comes along and they see each other once a month at the most. Mostly it is somebody that floats in and out of the area so as little as 4 times a year, a perpetual bachelor with commitment issues... perfect. This fulfills her needs of a "companion" with little needs and does not pull her away from her family (really I mean her kids).
The man gets annoyed and jealous and things go badly quickly at around year 3... because men who ask for open marriages are never happy in the end, because the problem is not their marriage, the problem is them.
Anonymous
08/11/2017 07:37
Subject: Open marriage
Anonymous wrote:Please talk to my wife
+1
Anonymous
08/11/2017 04:45
Subject: Open marriage
Anonymous wrote:Let's see you have told us:
1. You don't have sex often
2. You don't want to have sex with him
3. You have no sex drive, not interested
4. You feel "pressured" by his sexual needs
Honestly there is no other option to save your marriage except to Open it. The status quo is not sustainable.
This, x 100. He will cheat eventually. He is kind of an idiot for bringing up an open marriage, and not doing the cheating thing like most men. Who knew OP would be ok with it.
OP, ignore the posters trying to tear you down, saying your vagina isn't good enough. I promise you, with 100% certainty, their husbands desire vagina other than their wives. All men do.
Anonymous
08/10/2017 22:42
Subject: Open marriage
Anonymous wrote:Anyone here have an open marriage? My husband and I just decided to have one. He wants to have sex with other people, not only because we don't do it enough, and not because he's not attracted to me anymore, but because he feels like he can't be satisfied sexually without having multiple partners. The book "Mating in Captivity" really spoke to him and he wants to be honest and true to his needs. I'm ok with it for kind of opposite reasons. I don't want to have sex with him anymore. I love him and enjoy being married to him, but I'm not physically attracted to him. I also just don't have much of a sex drive at all these days. I'm just not interested. We both feel like we have a really strong relationship - we get along really well, enjoy each others' company, make each other laugh, support each other through difficulties, co-parent really well. But when it comes to sex we just completely diverge. So I said let's just go our separate ways in that area. Let him go sleep with other people and take the pressure off me. Then we both get what we want right now. If at any point I decide I want to go sleep with someone, I can do so.
Obviously the fear is that he (or I if I ever do it) will develop feelings for someone else. But believe it or not I feel like our marriage is strong enough that I'm not too worried about that. It probably sounds crazy but it's the way I feel.
OK, go ahead and tell me I'm an idiot and we're crazy, etc. But I'm also dying to know if there's anyone else out there doing anything like this. Thanks!
If you do this than you aren't really married because being faithful is what marriage is all about. What is to keep your DH from leaving you later rather than now? I'm sorry but, this isn't going to go well. We knew a couple who did this and they ended up divorced.
Good luck!
Anonymous
08/10/2017 22:41
Subject: Open marriage
Anonymous wrote:Op, I could have written this post. I've thought about it, I wouldn't mind if he did so. But I'm afraid I might find someone more fun or whatever and want to divorce, or get too caught up with the guy, making it harder and harder to hide it from our two kids as they grow. Or that my DH would develop feelings for someone. I think I will end up jealous. I frankly don't think I'd mind if he had sx with others. It's unfair to him I am so low drive. But I don't want to open a Pandora box and have him fall for someone emotionally.
Do not worry. Your DH is already having sex with others. You sound alot like OP and not many men would stay faithful in a marriage like that.