Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

it makes sense why men marry again quickly. We plan their social lives, plan family events, have their children, decorate their homes, plan vacations, send thank you notes, schedule the cleaning ladies and home maintenance, buy the children clothing and sign them up for school and activities, buy birthday gifts, plan parties... I could go on!

And you're wrong. You give a crap about planning family events. Men simply may not. I don't. My wife bought my clothes for 15 years. I had no clue where to get the brand of boxers she used to supply me until it occurred to me to look. But I haven't been dating to find a new supplier of boxer shorts (which I think about) or a home decorator (which you think about). I date to find another life partner and sex partner.

My husband does. As does his family and others. They expect family events, birthdays, thank you notes and a nice home.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your friend who likes to spend but doesn't want to work isn't sounding like a prize to me.

+1. Pretty sure this is going to impact her ability to date in addition to her expensive tastes.

Anonymous wrote:Wait a minute. She has 2 kids and is divorcing because her husband can't afford for her to SAH? Does she think having 2 households is going to make the money issues better? Wow, just wow.

Anonymous wrote:

it makes sense why men marry again quickly. We plan their social lives, plan family events, have their children, decorate their homes, plan vacations, send thank you notes, schedule the cleaning ladies and home maintenance, buy the children clothing and sign them up for school and activities, buy birthday gifts, plan parties... I could go on!

And you're wrong. You give a crap about planning family events. Men simply may not. I don't. My wife bought my clothes for 15 years. I had no clue where to get the brand of boxers she used to supply me until it occurred to me to look. But I haven't been dating to find a new supplier of boxer shorts (which I think about) or a home decorator (which you think about). I date to find another life partner and sex partner.

Anonymous wrote:

it makes sense why men marry again quickly. We plan their social lives, plan family events, have their children, decorate their homes, plan vacations, send thank you notes, schedule the cleaning ladies and home maintenance, buy the children clothing and sign them up for school and activities, buy birthday gifts, plan parties... I could go on!

And you're wrong. You give a crap about planning family events. Men simply may not. I don't. My wife bought my clothes for 15 years. I had no clue where to get the brand of boxers she used to supply me until it occurred to me to look. But I haven't been dating to find a new supplier of boxer shorts (which I think about) or a home decorator (which you think about). I date to find another life partner and sex partner.

it makes sense why men marry again quickly. We plan their social lives, plan family events, have their children, decorate their homes, plan vacations, send thank you notes, schedule the cleaning ladies and home maintenance, buy the children clothing and sign them up for school and activities, buy birthday gifts, plan parties... I could go on!

Anonymous wrote:One of my good friends is getting divorced. It's basically amicable, they're just very different people and want different things. A lot of it stemmed from money issues (she's a spender, he's a saver, she wanted to be a SAHM, he wasn't making enough to support the lifestyle she wanted, etc. etc. The point is, no cheating or anything like that).

Anyway, we just found out that he's already got a fairly serious girlfriend who he just introduced to his family. The new gf is really pretty, younger, has a graduate degree, and a better job than he does. I heard through the grapevine (friend of a friend) that she doesn't want kids. My friend is also dating but nothing serious. She did meet one guy she really liked but he wasn't looking for a commitment. She's upset and I didn't know what to say. It reminded me of that SATC episode though where Miranda and Steve broke up, he's homeless and living on her couch, and already has girls lining up for him.

I knew this was a stereotype but not a real thing. Can anyone tell her/us that it gets better? Did you meet "the one" with two kids in your thirties?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Filed for divorce at 34. Two kids. Finalized at 35. Primary custody. Started dating again at 37. In a committed relationship at 41. Older DC in college. Engaged at 44. Married six weeks before 45.

ExH 37 at separation. He was dating again within weeks of finalization. Has had more gfs than I can count and 2 different fiancées before he remarried at 46. Was sleeping with her (44 and divorced, no kids) a couple weeks after breaking up with previous gf. Engaged after dating two weeks. Basically less than a month from his prior gf. Shockingly, didn't last. His new wife filed for divorce before their first anniversary. He was engaged again a few months later.

That's a lot of girlfriends!

Anonymous wrote:One of my good friends is getting divorced. It's basically amicable, they're just very different people and want different things. A lot of it stemmed from money issues (she's a spender, he's a saver, she wanted to be a SAHM, he wasn't making enough to support the lifestyle she wanted, etc. etc. The point is, no cheating or anything like that).

Anyway, we just found out that he's already got a fairly serious girlfriend who he just introduced to his family. The new gf is really pretty, younger, has a graduate degree, and a better job than he does. I heard through the grapevine (friend of a friend) that she doesn't want kids. My friend is also dating but nothing serious. She did meet one guy she really liked but he wasn't looking for a commitment. She's upset and I didn't know what to say. It reminded me of that SATC episode though where Miranda and Steve broke up, he's homeless and living on her couch, and already has girls lining up for him.

I knew this was a stereotype but not a real thing. Can anyone tell her/us that it gets better? Did you meet "the one" with two kids in your thirties?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men, and particularly men who are used to being in a long term relationship (esp. one where they weren't the one to initiate the split), tend to be kind of helpless post-breakup. They don't like being alone, and will be quick to jump into something with someone new. Women who have gone through a divorce are more cognizant of the (perceived, or real) mistakes and shortcomings in their prior partner / relationship, and tend to be a little more discriminate when looking for their next partner.

I have seen this time and again with people who divorce in their 40s and 50s...the men tend to jump into their next relationship and generally end up remarried within a few years, while the women have ZERO intention of ever mrryinf again.

+1. Men really have a hard time being alone after having been married or in a long term relationship. If my husband and I got divorced he'd probably be in a relationship right away. Being married to my husband has been so challenging that I don't think I'll ever marry again. I'm sure many women say this but I don't even think I would date.

I think about I bring to the relationship and it makes sense why men marry again quickly. We plan their social lives, plan family events, have their children, decorate their homes, plan vacations, send thank you notes, schedule the cleaning ladies and home maintenance, buy the children clothing and sign them up for school and activities, buy birthday gifts, plan parties... I could go on! It's not like I need to marry again to find someone to do this stuff because I already do it and I'm not interested in doing it again for another guy. On top of working full time.

Anonymous wrote:Filed for divorce at 34. Two kids. Finalized at 35. Primary custody. Started dating again at 37. In a committed relationship at 41. Older DC in college. Engaged at 44. Married six weeks before 45.

ExH 37 at separation. He was dating again within weeks of finalization. Has had more gfs than I can count and 2 different fiancées before he remarried at 46. Was sleeping with her (44 and divorced, no kids) a couple weeks after breaking up with previous gf. Engaged after dating two weeks. Basically less than a month from his prior gf. Shockingly, didn't last. His new wife filed for divorce before their first anniversary. He was engaged again a few months later.

Anonymous wrote:Men, and particularly men who are used to being in a long term relationship (esp. one where they weren't the one to initiate the split), tend to be kind of helpless post-breakup. They don't like being alone, and will be quick to jump into something with someone new. Women who have gone through a divorce are more cognizant of the (perceived, or real) mistakes and shortcomings in their prior partner / relationship, and tend to be a little more discriminate when looking for their next partner.

I have seen this time and again with people who divorce in their 40s and 50s...the men tend to jump into their next relationship and generally end up remarried within a few years, while the women have ZERO intention of ever mrryinf again.