Anonymous
08/09/2017 08:33
Subject: Why don't people reciprocate these days?
I host a lot and have noticed the same thing. I host a large party monthly (10+ people) and have a playdate every weekend. Out of all those people we invite over, we get maybe one invite a month. It's sort of depressing. I like to decorate and clean and I think people don't invite us as much because they're worried I will judge their house. They say as much to me. No one cares if your house is small or you live in an apartment! I only care about having fun with my dd and making friends.
Anonymous
08/09/2017 08:29
Subject: Why don't people reciprocate these days?
I feel this way about my very best friend and her family. EVERYTHING we ever do is at our house. Never do we get invited to their house. As I mentioned it is my best friend, I did mention it once and she never really picked up on it. We just have them over A LOT less. Sad. I just cant because I get too frustrated.
Anonymous
08/09/2017 08:27
Subject: Re:Why don't people reciprocate these days?
Anonymous wrote:Why do so many folks have such messy houses? I keep seeing this as one of the excuses on this thread. Every time I go to someone's house I am usually shocked by how messy/cluttered it is, which of course I keep to myself.
Why does anybody do anything you wouldn't do?
Anonymous
08/09/2017 08:27
Subject: Re:Why don't people reciprocate these days?
Anonymous wrote:i decided to see what would happen if I stopped inviting my sil and her family over for various holidays/dinners/BBQs. We have not seen her in two years. My MIL is angry at us for "not reaching out". Makes no sense, as long as I host everything is greatDoes not occur to them that perhaps they should reach out too?
Do you want to be right, or do you want to see your sister-in-law and her family? (I'm guessing the former, actually.
)
Anonymous
08/09/2017 08:27
Subject: Why don't people reciprocate these days?
Anonymous wrote:I hear you, OP! There are many reasons why people do not reciprocate.
1) Small or messy house. No space. Very shabby.
2) Tight budget. Reluctant to spend money.
3) No experience in hosting. Do not have necessary furniture, dinner set, cutlery or cooking expertise to host.
5) They do not have a well run and organized household. Or they have a family situation that prevents them from hosting - SN family members, illness, disease, obesity, mental illness, alcoholism etc.
It is ok. Be grateful that you have the wherewithal to be able to host people. It is not a small accomplishment. Being able to host means that you have to be functional in your domestic life. Many people are not there.
THIS. Also add that some people are anxious or introverted and can't host for those reasons.
Anonymous
08/09/2017 08:25
Subject: Why don't people reciprocate these days?
Anonymous wrote:Parents of young children are busy and overwhelmed.
Well obviously not all of them or some are still making an effort even if they are busy and overwhelmed or there would be no play dates/get togethers that should be reciprocated in the first place.
Anonymous
08/09/2017 08:21
Subject: Re:Why don't people reciprocate these days?
I don't do things to get reciprocated. I do things because I enjoy them.
But now that my kids are 18, I have received in ways that I could have never imagined.
One person that I helped out a lot with her child when she was going through a divorce ended up getting a great job and give us amazing tickets to sports events. Not expected, but she did eventually reciprocate over 5 years later.
Some people never did, some people maybe paid it forward, some reciprocated beyond expectations.
Stop keeping score.
But now that my kids are 18, I have received in ways that I could have never imagined.
One person that I helped out a lot with her child when she was going through a divorce ended up getting a great job and give us amazing tickets to sports events. Not expected, but she did eventually reciprocate over 5 years later.
Some people never did, some people maybe paid it forward, some reciprocated beyond expectations.
Stop keeping score.
Anonymous
08/09/2017 08:18
Subject: Re:Why don't people reciprocate these days?
Anonymous wrote:Why do so many folks have such messy houses? I keep seeing this as one of the excuses on this thread. Every time I go to someone's house I am usually shocked by how messy/cluttered it is, which of course I keep to myself.
You are the reason people don't reciprocate.
Anonymous
08/09/2017 08:17
Subject: Why don't people reciprocate these days?
People think their home isn't large enough or nice enough. Or clean enough. People feel anxiety about the responsibilities of hosting. They have trouble with neighbors who are nosy or super sensitive to noise.
Anonymous
08/09/2017 08:05
Subject: Why don't people reciprocate these days?
Don't any of the ones with young kids and play dates understand that yournsupoosed to take turns hosting. That's how the adults get to become friends.
When your new to an area or new to a school. You invite a classmate over. And normal people then invite you over.
That's how friendships develop.
Who are all these people locked away in little messy homes?
When your new to an area or new to a school. You invite a classmate over. And normal people then invite you over.
That's how friendships develop.
Who are all these people locked away in little messy homes?
Anonymous
08/09/2017 07:56
Subject: Re:Why don't people reciprocate these days?
Why do so many folks have such messy houses? I keep seeing this as one of the excuses on this thread. Every time I go to someone's house I am usually shocked by how messy/cluttered it is, which of course I keep to myself.
Anonymous
08/09/2017 07:54
Subject: Re:Why don't people reciprocate these days?
for me the issue is whether the people we always host are truly friends. I love to cook,entertain,have a house full of people. I just wish we were also invited more. I suspect if we stopped hosting many of these "friendships" would fade away. I also stay home and happily pick up kids, drive more than my share, our house is the house all the kids come and hang out at. It is expensive and hectic but I genuinely enjoy helping out, but sometimes feel like a "sucker".
Anonymous
08/08/2017 22:55
Subject: Why don't people reciprocate these days?
Although I am always happy to reciprocate drop off play dates for DS's friends, and we are more often than not the host of such get togethers, I don't enjoy hosting other adults. I'm not a good homemaker, can't cook, don't drink, and my house isn't all that clean.
Anonymous
08/08/2017 22:48
Subject: Why don't people reciprocate these days?
This happens to me too. I will say we have the biggest home of our friends (in NYC so that's not saying much). I also love hosting, esp drop off play dates. The kids entertain each other and I get to putter around and read/relax. I prefer that. The disparity doesn't bother me.
Anonymous
08/08/2017 22:21
Subject: Why don't people reciprocate these days?
I hear you, OP! There are many reasons why people do not reciprocate.
1) Small or messy house. No space. Very shabby.
2) Tight budget. Reluctant to spend money.
3) No experience in hosting. Do not have necessary furniture, dinner set, cutlery or cooking expertise to host.
5) They do not have a well run and organized household. Or they have a family situation that prevents them from hosting - SN family members, illness, disease, obesity, mental illness, alcoholism etc.
It is ok. Be grateful that you have the wherewithal to be able to host people. It is not a small accomplishment. Being able to host means that you have to be functional in your domestic life. Many people are not there.
1) Small or messy house. No space. Very shabby.
2) Tight budget. Reluctant to spend money.
3) No experience in hosting. Do not have necessary furniture, dinner set, cutlery or cooking expertise to host.
5) They do not have a well run and organized household. Or they have a family situation that prevents them from hosting - SN family members, illness, disease, obesity, mental illness, alcoholism etc.
It is ok. Be grateful that you have the wherewithal to be able to host people. It is not a small accomplishment. Being able to host means that you have to be functional in your domestic life. Many people are not there.