Anonymous
Post 08/05/2017 13:04     Subject: Re:DH gives me attitude when I go out and has to watch DS.
Anonymous wrote:Three times in one week is annoying. If my DH went out three nights in one week for social reasons I'd be pissed. Your co-worker doesn't count as a business dinner. Going out on both a Friday and Saturday would really annoy me. I vote with your DH on this one.


I agree.
Anonymous
Post 08/05/2017 13:04     Subject: Re:DH gives me attitude when I go out and has to watch DS.
Anonymous wrote:Three times in one week is annoying. If my DH went out three nights in one week for social reasons I'd be pissed. Your co-worker doesn't count as a business dinner. Going out on both a Friday and Saturday would really annoy me. I vote with your DH on this one.


Same here.
Anonymous
Post 08/05/2017 12:46     Subject: Re:DH gives me attitude when I go out and has to watch DS.
Three times in one week is annoying. If my DH went out three nights in one week for social reasons I'd be pissed. Your co-worker doesn't count as a business dinner. Going out on both a Friday and Saturday would really annoy me. I vote with your DH on this one.
Anonymous
Post 08/05/2017 10:54     Subject: DH gives me attitude when I go out and has to watch DS.
I think it's strange you're being super friendly to a new co-worker...2x/week? You're not the Queen's jester, why do you feel you have to take her out especially over a weekend where you're already going to a party on Saturday?

I can see going out to lunch during the work week, but dinner 2x?
Anonymous
Post 08/05/2017 10:26     Subject: DH gives me attitude when I go out and has to watch DS.
I don't know, OP, I can see it both ways. If your husband is generally unsupportive when you go out, that's one thing. But if I were in his position, I would be a bit annoyed that you were choosing to spend two evenings out with a new coworker in a single week, when you were already going out with another friend that same week. It just seems sort of an odd choice and honestly, I would not be thrilled if my husband did it.
Anonymous
Post 08/05/2017 10:15     Subject: Re:DH gives me attitude when I go out and has to watch DS.
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My DH is like this too. When I do go out I get texts after an hour or two asking when I'll be home. It's gotten better as DS has gotten older. He's almost 6 now. But no matter what, when I get back DH acts like DS behaved terribly and he was so put out by it. Sometimes they are with friends and I'll mention that I heard DS was not behaving well and the friend tells me that's actually not true, at least from her perspective.

Then DH makes sure he goes out the very next day or night to make it "fair". He can make whatever plans he wants like golfing for an entire day on the weekend, but even if he's already been out twice that week if I have plans he'll make plans for the next day to make it "fair". He's a bean counter in lots of other ways too, and it gets old but I didn't really care until we had a kid and it became extremely tiresome. We have a shared iCal and I just put things on the calendar like dinner with friends. I used to avoid going out because I didn't want go hear about it but now I don't care.

This is a big reason why we didn't have a second.


Sounds like you do have two children living in your house.


Beat me to that comment. He sounds like a real Prince Charming.
Anonymous
Post 08/05/2017 10:06     Subject: Re:DH gives me attitude when I go out and has to watch DS.
Anonymous wrote:My DH is like this too. When I do go out I get texts after an hour or two asking when I'll be home. It's gotten better as DS has gotten older. He's almost 6 now. But no matter what, when I get back DH acts like DS behaved terribly and he was so put out by it. Sometimes they are with friends and I'll mention that I heard DS was not behaving well and the friend tells me that's actually not true, at least from her perspective.

Then DH makes sure he goes out the very next day or night to make it "fair". He can make whatever plans he wants like golfing for an entire day on the weekend, but even if he's already been out twice that week if I have plans he'll make plans for the next day to make it "fair". He's a bean counter in lots of other ways too, and it gets old but I didn't really care until we had a kid and it became extremely tiresome. We have a shared iCal and I just put things on the calendar like dinner with friends. I used to avoid going out because I didn't want go hear about it but now I don't care.

This is a big reason why we didn't have a second.


Sounds like you do have two children living in your house.
Anonymous
Post 08/04/2017 22:55     Subject: DH gives me attitude when I go out and has to watch DS.
I don't go out that frequently (a couple times a month), and it has occasionally happened that I've had several events clustered together similar to you. DH travels a fair bit, and he rarely goes out for himself (e.g. with friends). Nonetheless, he has literally never once complained about spending time with his kids in the evening when I have plans. Once or twice he's complained in the daytime when I've gone out to run errands or similar, but it's usually obvious that he's just exhausted from work.

Your DH's attitude is not okay. Taking care of kids when your spouse travels, especially when you are also WOH, is hard. You should be able to take some nights away from the family as well.
Anonymous
Post 08/04/2017 22:27     Subject: DH gives me attitude when I go out and has to watch DS.
I understand that he's complaining about this week, which IS a lot of going out.

But he shouldn't be complaining during months when you do not go out.

Don't be afraid of pointing out to him how often HE goes out.

Anonymous
Post 08/04/2017 22:13     Subject: DH gives me attitude when I go out and has to watch DS.
Anonymous wrote:Tell him if you get divorced he'll be responsible for your kid 50% of the time solo.

Would you give him gruff if the situation were reversed?


Not if he quickly marries a 24 yo nanny who adores him and citizenship!
Anonymous
Post 08/04/2017 22:11     Subject: DH gives me attitude when I go out and has to watch DS.
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:What is his objection? That he's missing you? That he has to be alone with his son? 2.5 is not like a breastfeeding infant. And a toddler goes to bed pretty early. What's his problem, exactly?

Make sure you emphasize to him that this week is unusually busy, and make sure he has the chance to go out and get some "me" time. But get to the bottom of what exactly his specific grievance is. And by the way, he's not "watching" his son. That's what a babysitter does.


Not the OP but duh it's the same objection most DHs have - ithey are scared because they don't know what to do if the kid does not comply and they really just want to relax and not deal with little kid demands because little kid demands are boring and can be exhausting. Most DHs have so little experience with children. So OP should go out and just let her DH deal. It's the only way for it to get better for her DH. He won't do it the way she would if she was home and that's ok.


agree.
tell him to parent. it's a verb too you know.
Anonymous
Post 08/04/2017 18:15     Subject: Re:DH gives me attitude when I go out and has to watch DS.
My DH is like this too. When I do go out I get texts after an hour or two asking when I'll be home. It's gotten better as DS has gotten older. He's almost 6 now. But no matter what, when I get back DH acts like DS behaved terribly and he was so put out by it. Sometimes they are with friends and I'll mention that I heard DS was not behaving well and the friend tells me that's actually not true, at least from her perspective.

Then DH makes sure he goes out the very next day or night to make it "fair". He can make whatever plans he wants like golfing for an entire day on the weekend, but even if he's already been out twice that week if I have plans he'll make plans for the next day to make it "fair". He's a bean counter in lots of other ways too, and it gets old but I didn't really care until we had a kid and it became extremely tiresome. We have a shared iCal and I just put things on the calendar like dinner with friends. I used to avoid going out because I didn't want go hear about it but now I don't care.

This is a big reason why we didn't have a second.
Anonymous
Post 08/04/2017 17:52     Subject: DH gives me attitude when I go out and has to watch DS.
Anonymous wrote:Could be worse. Our son is 3.5 and I have been away form him only to go to Safeway.


Unless you are in a truly abisive situation, this is 100% your fault.
Anonymous
Post 08/04/2017 12:20     Subject: DH gives me attitude when I go out and has to watch DS.
Anonymous wrote:I used to joke and say 'hey, maybe you shouldn't have married someone with kids' to poin out that he is acting like they are only your kids.


Because joking is such a healthier alternative to being direct about what you mean?
Anonymous
Post 08/04/2017 12:17     Subject: DH gives me attitude when I go out and has to watch DS.
I can see the annoyance as its 3x in a week but at the same time, if he's going out on a regular basis, he needs to let this go and chill. Dh has a position where he often goes out in the evening 2-3x a week but I also go out with sisters/friends/heck, HIS cousins who've I've become very close to and he's totally fine with it. This could be 1-2x a week. We also have a sitter 2 evenings a week for a date night and when we're both out. It's great and works.