Anonymous
08/15/2017 13:35
Subject: Re:Working parents of 2 or more, when do you find time for sleep/rest/recovery and yourself?
Wow. Well, people seem to be doing pretty well... as a mom of a 3 year old and a 1 year old let me tell you that this is not my life. Where's the downtime? The answer is you don't have any. You have the time between when the kids go to sleep until when they wake up (whether that's the middle of the night or in the morning). You also have when you go to work. Depending on your job that may not be downtime, but at least you can take a minute to go get a cup of coffee alone or check your email. I know this will change in a few years and I certainly don't regret having two, but just know the early years will be brutal.
Also to your point about spending time with the kids. This is the main reason I don't want more. When number 2 came we immediately had less individual time with number 1, and that hurts. And our number 2 is getting less of us than number 1 had, and that hurts. You start feeling guilty when you're focusing on one more than the other at any moment and that feels odd too. I can't enjoy every single moment with number 2 because I have number 1 to focus on as well. I can't imagine how you split that time again with a 3rd, although I know people do it. I would feel I was missing out on too much.
Also to your point about spending time with the kids. This is the main reason I don't want more. When number 2 came we immediately had less individual time with number 1, and that hurts. And our number 2 is getting less of us than number 1 had, and that hurts. You start feeling guilty when you're focusing on one more than the other at any moment and that feels odd too. I can't enjoy every single moment with number 2 because I have number 1 to focus on as well. I can't imagine how you split that time again with a 3rd, although I know people do it. I would feel I was missing out on too much.
Anonymous
08/15/2017 12:42
Subject: Working parents of 2 or more, when do you find time for sleep/rest/recovery and yourself?
Good question - I'm tired
Anonymous
08/15/2017 09:22
Subject: Working parents of 2 or more, when do you find time for sleep/rest/recovery and yourself?
Anonymous wrote:DD just turned 15 - no downtime yet- sports and homework take over
I think I'd be quite happy to shuttle kids to sports and drink coffee in the stands. And I certainly hope they'd be doing their own homework and perhaps coming to me with questions if necessary.
Anonymous
08/14/2017 22:03
Subject: Working parents of 2 or more, when do you find time for sleep/rest/recovery and yourself?
DD just turned 15 - no downtime yet- sports and homework take over
Anonymous
08/14/2017 20:38
Subject: Re:Working parents of 2 or more, when do you find time for sleep/rest/recovery and yourself?
Anonymous wrote:Sorry, but what is an AWS?
Alternate work schedule
Anonymous
08/14/2017 20:02
Subject: Re:Working parents of 2 or more, when do you find time for sleep/rest/recovery and yourself?
Sorry, but what is an AWS?
Anonymous
08/14/2017 19:28
Subject: Re:Working parents of 2 or more, when do you find time for sleep/rest/recovery and yourself?
Muffet wrote:Well I'm coming at this from the perspective of a new empty-nester. I look back now and wonder how I had the time and energy to do all I did! Lessons, homework, drama (2 girls and 1 boy) and you know what? You just find a way. You just do it. Somehow, God give you the strength, the energy, and the willpower to get it all done. Of course, you do have to use common sense. There is such a thing as over-committing both you and your children. But if you seek to balance your time and don't let things get to crazy, it will be the best time of your life! I can't imagine life without my three, and if I had to do it over again, I would have had at least one more child.
It is hard when they're little because they are so helpless and reliant on you, but by the time my kids were three and four they were playing with their toys and entertaining each other, and of course I loved to play with them. I found it got easier with each passing year (until they reached their teens...that's always a challenge). I think the best lesson I learned was that they are each individuals. What works for one child might not work for the other. Just be consistent, let you know you love them each unconditionally, and realize that they'll be grown in the blink of an eye, so enjoy them while you can!
OP here - thanks from me too. It is a great perspective to hear and take into account. (And thanks to PPs for all the other responses!)
Anonymous
08/14/2017 07:21
Subject: Working parents of 2 or more, when do you find time for sleep/rest/recovery and yourself?
I think I have the ideal set up. I go into work early and get home by 3:30. DH works from home - he's a hotel-er and takes care of the kids during the day, they are 5,3,and 1. When I get home he goes to work and works until about midnight. It's exhausting but we both get to spend time with the kids and have a schedule that works.
I get the kids to bed by 8-8:30, which gives me plenty of time with them and then they are still asleep when I leave for work at 6AM. It also gives me an hour or two in the evening to fold laundry and get stuff cleaned up for the next day. DH has times during the day where one is napping and the other 2 are playing outside that does give him a little down time. I also have a remote working day during the week where I can help with meals and when we schedule pediatrician appointments and such.
I wish I had more time with DH, but we do chat during the day and do date night when we have family visiting from out of town. I had about a 5 year gap with no sleep so right now that's a priority over working out or watching TV or date night. Plus we both know this is temporary. Once the youngest is in preschool he will be freed up to get more work done during the day and have his evenings free for family time as well.
I get the kids to bed by 8-8:30, which gives me plenty of time with them and then they are still asleep when I leave for work at 6AM. It also gives me an hour or two in the evening to fold laundry and get stuff cleaned up for the next day. DH has times during the day where one is napping and the other 2 are playing outside that does give him a little down time. I also have a remote working day during the week where I can help with meals and when we schedule pediatrician appointments and such.
I wish I had more time with DH, but we do chat during the day and do date night when we have family visiting from out of town. I had about a 5 year gap with no sleep so right now that's a priority over working out or watching TV or date night. Plus we both know this is temporary. Once the youngest is in preschool he will be freed up to get more work done during the day and have his evenings free for family time as well.
Anonymous
08/14/2017 01:22
Subject: Working parents of 2 or more, when do you find time for sleep/rest/recovery and yourself?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Our kids are two and four. They are asleep by 7:30, and that's when DH and I eat, do chores, and hang out. It really isn't any more any more work at this point than one kid would be.
It got easy when the younger one STTN reliably so the evenings were ours again.
We are in the same boat, except ours don't go down until 8:30 given that it is after 6 before we even get home and then have to do dinner, bath, bed.
Then at 8:30 we start to clean, make lunches, maybe make dinner for the next night, bills, etc. By 9:30 or 10 we cry ourselves to sleep only to start again tomorrow.
I kid slightly, but only slightly. There is virtually no us time (or even me time) and we don't even get that much time with the kids that isn't frantic trying to fit stuff in. Living the dream!!
This is us. 4 and almost 2 year old. They used to be in bed by 830 but nowadays it's 9pm. Then I'm asleep by 10pm 1030pm. I wonder why I have so little me time. During weekends, we do one kids activity per day (spray park or grandparents visit). I get to nap. But just getting through the day, fitting the basics in seems endless. When does this get better??
Anonymous
08/07/2017 06:53
Subject: Re:Working parents of 2 or more, when do you find time for sleep/rest/recovery and yourself?
Muffet wrote:Well I'm coming at this from the perspective of a new empty-nester. I look back now and wonder how I had the time and energy to do all I did! Lessons, homework, drama (2 girls and 1 boy) and you know what? You just find a way. You just do it. Somehow, God give you the strength, the energy, and the willpower to get it all done. Of course, you do have to use common sense. There is such a thing as over-committing both you and your children. But if you seek to balance your time and don't let things get to crazy, it will be the best time of your life! I can't imagine life without my three, and if I had to do it over again, I would have had at least one more child.
It is hard when they're little because they are so helpless and reliant on you, but by the time my kids were three and four they were playing with their toys and entertaining each other, and of course I loved to play with them. I found it got easier with each passing year (until they reached their teens...that's always a challenge). I think the best lesson I learned was that they are each individuals. What works for one child might not work for the other. Just be consistent, let you know you love them each unconditionally, and realize that they'll be grown in the blink of an eye, so enjoy them while you can!
Thanks, I needed this perspective today...mine are still so little and it has been a very difficult summer, but I know it will get easier with time ?
Anonymous
08/07/2017 06:51
Subject: Working parents of 2 or more, when do you find time for sleep/rest/recovery and yourself?
I feel pretty tapped out with two. I am a teacher and this summer home with a 4 year old DS and 15 month DD is brutal. No nap for DS and he wakes early. DD takes two nap still and is teething. Both kids are on the go and I feel like I can never keep them busy all day, or when I do, they get overstimulated and tantrum-y. I used to get time in the afternoon but when DS dropped his nap for good in July it kind of killed the summer for me. I am an introvert and desperately need time to recharge, plus I sleep badly so am always overtired.
My kids go to bed at seven though. I have a friend who still sleeps with both her kids and is up all night. Don't know how she is still standing!
My kids go to bed at seven though. I have a friend who still sleeps with both her kids and is up all night. Don't know how she is still standing!
Muffet
08/06/2017 19:47
Subject: Re:Working parents of 2 or more, when do you find time for sleep/rest/recovery and yourself?
Well I'm coming at this from the perspective of a new empty-nester. I look back now and wonder how I had the time and energy to do all I did! Lessons, homework, drama (2 girls and 1 boy) and you know what? You just find a way. You just do it. Somehow, God give you the strength, the energy, and the willpower to get it all done. Of course, you do have to use common sense. There is such a thing as over-committing both you and your children. But if you seek to balance your time and don't let things get to crazy, it will be the best time of your life! I can't imagine life without my three, and if I had to do it over again, I would have had at least one more child.
It is hard when they're little because they are so helpless and reliant on you, but by the time my kids were three and four they were playing with their toys and entertaining each other, and of course I loved to play with them. I found it got easier with each passing year (until they reached their teens...that's always a challenge). I think the best lesson I learned was that they are each individuals. What works for one child might not work for the other. Just be consistent, let you know you love them each unconditionally, and realize that they'll be grown in the blink of an eye, so enjoy them while you can!
It is hard when they're little because they are so helpless and reliant on you, but by the time my kids were three and four they were playing with their toys and entertaining each other, and of course I loved to play with them. I found it got easier with each passing year (until they reached their teens...that's always a challenge). I think the best lesson I learned was that they are each individuals. What works for one child might not work for the other. Just be consistent, let you know you love them each unconditionally, and realize that they'll be grown in the blink of an eye, so enjoy them while you can!
Anonymous
08/05/2017 11:44
Subject: Working parents of 2 or more, when do you find time for sleep/rest/recovery and yourself?
OP here; I did ask her, she says "supportive husband." You're right though, I should ask her specifically about corporate policies I should be taking advantage of. I haven't done that.
Anonymous
08/05/2017 10:27
Subject: Working parents of 2 or more, when do you find time for sleep/rest/recovery and yourself?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I guess the question is how much time are you looking for? I get an hour between kids bedtime and mine and maybe an hour or two on weekends.
OP here. This sounds good, that's what I get now and I'm happy. The earlier bedtime is definitely something to consider too.
As for nap time being over - please tell me it never ends!!
Those of you with long commutes or more than 2 kids, I am truly in awe of your energy and organization. I have a coworker who not only has 3 kids but is also a very well loved manager and high performer at work; I have absolutely no idea how she does it all...
Seriously, ask the well loved manager how she does it. She can give you insight into corporate flexibility that DCUM can only guess at.
At some point, all parents will get to place where they need to leave the office by X time, regardless of how late their colleagues stay. It's easy to work later with babies. Elementary-age children not so much--mom of three (now 8, 6 and 4).
Anonymous
08/04/2017 21:00
Subject: Working parents of 2 or more, when do you find time for sleep/rest/recovery and yourself?
Anonymous wrote:I'm a PP who dropped my AWS. Instead of that, I work from home once a week. Is this an option for you?
It really lessens the load, and allows me to bring DS to daycare, and pick him up (early if I want)
Unfortunately, I think I would just end up working long days plus a day from home during what would have been my AWS...