Anonymous
Post 08/04/2017 07:31     Subject: Re:I'm certain my son has a boyfriend, but he hasn't told me so. Don't know why.
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:

What he needs is a father. Obviously. And this so-called "supportive" mother is allowing this kid - who clearly has some emotional issues to deal with - to act out in completely inappropriate ways. Yes, getting involved in a homosexual lifestyle will mess up his life. He needs desperately needs some serious guidance. Sorry you can't see that.


Do you have any suggestions about where OP can obtain a father for her son?

Also, what is "a homosexual lifestyle"?


Well for starters I hope op has some stable, honorable male role models in her son's life. And I would hope that they have been very active and involved through out these 16 years. I cannot imagine that they would be ok with this. It's not the same thing as a father, of course, but in op's sad situation with her husband (?) walking out on her at 7 months pregnant, I hope she had the foresight to create a permanent male father figure in his life. That could have prevented what appears to be a search for validation from a man in an inappropriate, sexual way.

And as to your second question, you know exactly what a gay lifestyle is. It is a very sad and tragic choice that - as in this situation- is usually the result of deep seated pain.


Well, I'll tell you my neighbors' gay lifestyle. One of them gets up in the morning and goes to work. The other one stays home, takes care of the house and yard, volunteers with several community organizations, and watches her small grandchildren. In the evening, the one who goes to work comes home, and they eat dinner together. On weekends, they go kayaking, visit craft fairs, have family over... Is that what you're referring to with "a gay lifestyle"?


Nice superficial overview from across your fence, but what do you know about their emotional life and pain that resulted in this choice?
Anonymous
Post 08/04/2017 07:22     Subject: Re:I'm certain my son has a boyfriend, but he hasn't told me so. Don't know why.
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:

What he needs is a father. Obviously. And this so-called "supportive" mother is allowing this kid - who clearly has some emotional issues to deal with - to act out in completely inappropriate ways. Yes, getting involved in a homosexual lifestyle will mess up his life. He needs desperately needs some serious guidance. Sorry you can't see that.


Do you have any suggestions about where OP can obtain a father for her son?

Also, what is "a homosexual lifestyle"?


Well for starters I hope op has some stable, honorable male role models in her son's life. And I would hope that they have been very active and involved through out these 16 years. I cannot imagine that they would be ok with this. It's not the same thing as a father, of course, but in op's sad situation with her husband (?) walking out on her at 7 months pregnant, I hope she had the foresight to create a permanent male father figure in his life. That could have prevented what appears to be a search for validation from a man in an inappropriate, sexual way.

And as to your second question, you know exactly what a gay lifestyle is. It is a very sad and tragic choice that - as in this situation- is usually the result of deep seated pain.


Well, I'll tell you my neighbors' gay lifestyle. One of them gets up in the morning and goes to work. The other one stays home, takes care of the house and yard, volunteers with several community organizations, and watches her small grandchildren. In the evening, the one who goes to work comes home, and they eat dinner together. On weekends, they go kayaking, visit craft fairs, have family over... Is that what you're referring to with "a gay lifestyle"?
Anonymous
Post 08/04/2017 05:17     Subject: I'm certain my son has a boyfriend, but he hasn't told me so. Don't know why.
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Why not ask? Hey, whats going on with you and Larlo? I saw you kiss and hold hands. Just so you know I think he's a great kid and fully support what ever you choose.


I like this with just one change -

Hey, whats going on with you and Larlo? I saw you kiss and hold hands. Just so you know I think he's a great kid and [b]fully support you.

Saying you "fully support whatever you choose" makes it sound like you think sexuality is a choice - and its pretty clear that its not. So, don't say that.


You fully support whatever your kid chooses?! Wow. Your job is to bra parent, you know. Not a best friend.



Yeah, PP. Try to be a better bra parent.
Anonymous
Post 08/03/2017 23:23     Subject: I'm certain my son has a boyfriend, but he hasn't told me so. Don't know why.
Op. Sexual activity. Condoms. STDs. Talk to him about these things. Maybe it doesn't matter to you that he's gay. That's NOT the problem. Pp who says a gay lifestyle will ruin his life is derailing the thread and taking attention away from what really important. Having sex when not emotionally ready, and getting an STD are the things that will impact his life. Hey, good news, you have an "in," if you want him to talk to you about his boyfriend: you bring it up by having a safe sex talk.

And also talk to him about not taking advantage of someone when they're vulnerable (like after a funeral).
Anonymous
Post 08/03/2017 17:43     Subject: I'm certain my son has a boyfriend, but he hasn't told me so. Don't know why.
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Why not ask? Hey, whats going on with you and Larlo? I saw you kiss and hold hands. Just so you know I think he's a great kid and fully support what ever you choose.


I like this with just one change -

Hey, whats going on with you and Larlo? I saw you kiss and hold hands. Just so you know I think he's a great kid and [b]fully support you.

Saying you "fully support whatever you choose" makes it sound like you think sexuality is a choice - and its pretty clear that its not. So, don't say that.


You fully support whatever your kid chooses?! Wow. Your job is to bra parent, you know. Not a best friend.


YES,m I fucking do. I also support my sibling and partner who are great parents, and all the people I know at daycare (in boring old burbs at that!) who have same sex parents. You don't unring this bell. This is a part of humanity, its here to stay and you are on the wrong side of history. Get over yourself you bigot or I guess we can wait until you dinosaurs die out.


Like a op I still want to know what your DH says about this
Anonymous
Post 08/03/2017 17:36     Subject: I'm certain my son has a boyfriend, but he hasn't told me so. Don't know why.
My guess is he's reluctant to tell you because if you or the other boy's parents knew, they most likely wouldn't be allowed to have sleepovers.
Anonymous
Post 08/03/2017 11:17     Subject: Re:I'm certain my son has a boyfriend, but he hasn't told me so. Don't know why.
Anonymous wrote:Op where is your son"s father and what does he have to say about this?


I don't know. Haven't seen him or heard from him since I was 7 months pregnant with my son.
Anonymous
Post 08/03/2017 11:15     Subject: I'm certain my son has a boyfriend, but he hasn't told me so. Don't know why.
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My son has been friends with this boy since kindergarten. The boy recently lost his dad, day of the funeral I saw my son kiss the other boy on the cheek and hold his hand. When he was over here yesterday they were holding hands again and when I left for work this morning they were in bed together and he had his arm around him.


Both boys are 16 so it's not as though dating is unexpected. I'm also not homophobic I made a point not to be, as I was raised with that hate and didn't want that in my son's life, My question is why hasn't he told me?

He had a girlfriend last summer and earlier this year and I knew about them.

Obviously, he hasn't said anything for a reason, so is there a way to mention this without making things awkward?


The weirdest part of your post is that you allow lovers in your child's bed...not age appropriate.


Up until a few weeks ago I never saw anything that would lead me to believe they were anything beyond friends, the kiss and hand holding alone at the funeral didn't stand out that much given the context.

I'm fine with my son having a boyfriend or girlfriend spend the night or have sex in our home, I don't think banning teens from sex is the right approach.
Anonymous
Post 08/03/2017 11:10     Subject: Re:I'm certain my son has a boyfriend, but he hasn't told me so. Don't know why.
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Talking about dating with your parents IS NOT WEIRD.

Mom: Hey Joe I saw you with Mary, are you two dating?
Joe: No we are just friends. or Yea sort of, we're just "talking" (that is their word for hooking up)
Mom: Oh, she seems nice. It's sad about her dad dying, it's nice she has somebody.

So just change Joe to your child's name and change Mary to the other boys names and change she to he.



OP, use this version - don't make it about a gay or not-gay thing (I support whatever you choose, I support you, I love you no matter what, and any of that crap.) That''s weird and if you really are fine with it, it shouldn't even matter. The version above is what you need to focus on: The dialogue above is perfect, casual, and lets him know by your actions that you REALLY are okay with him being gay.



OP here. I think I will say just this. It's not about him being gay ,bi, experimenting or whatever for me, I just want to know what's going on with my son, and trying to respect his space at the same time, I also didn't want to assume anything and make things awkward especially for the other boy who is gong through a difficult time right now and needs someone he can lean on.
Anonymous
Post 08/03/2017 10:34     Subject: Re:I'm certain my son has a boyfriend, but he hasn't told me so. Don't know why.
OP, if he's being that openly affectionate with his friend in front of you, that's probably his way of trying to tell you without saying it, and perhaps gauge your reaction while he can still deny it if you don't respond well ("I'm not gay, he's just my friend and he's having a bad time"). Rather than dance around it, it might be time for a quick chat over dinner - "I saw you and Jack before I left this morning, is this a friendship that's turned into something more?" If he denies it, take it at face value and let it go for now, no passing judgment either way, positive or negative. If he's not ready to be fully out to you yet, seeing that you're just cool with it either way and not making a big deal may make it easier to come out to your later.
Anonymous
Post 08/03/2017 10:19     Subject: Re:I'm certain my son has a boyfriend, but he hasn't told me so. Don't know why.
Anonymous wrote:Talking about dating with your parents IS NOT WEIRD.

Mom: Hey Joe I saw you with Mary, are you two dating?
Joe: No we are just friends. or Yea sort of, we're just "talking" (that is their word for hooking up)
Mom: Oh, she seems nice. It's sad about her dad dying, it's nice she has somebody.

So just change Joe to your child's name and change Mary to the other boys names and change she to he.



OP, use this version - don't make it about a gay or not-gay thing (I support whatever you choose, I support you, I love you no matter what, and any of that crap.) That''s weird and if you really are fine with it, it shouldn't even matter. The version above is what you need to focus on: The dialogue above is perfect, casual, and lets him know by your actions that you REALLY are okay with him being gay.
Anonymous
Post 08/03/2017 09:48     Subject: I'm certain my son has a boyfriend, but he hasn't told me so. Don't know why.
I was convinced my son's guy friend was gay and now he has one of the cutest girls in the high school as a girlfriend. I think those hipster kids just have a super effeminate vibe.
Anonymous
Post 08/03/2017 08:55     Subject: I'm certain my son has a boyfriend, but he hasn't told me so. Don't know why.
Anonymous wrote:My son has been friends with this boy since kindergarten. The boy recently lost his dad, day of the funeral I saw my son kiss the other boy on the cheek and hold his hand. When he was over here yesterday they were holding hands again and when I left for work this morning they were in bed together and he had his arm around him.


Both boys are 16 so it's not as though dating is unexpected. I'm also not homophobic I made a point not to be, as I was raised with that hate and didn't want that in my son's life, My question is why hasn't he told me?

He had a girlfriend last summer and earlier this year and I knew about them.

Obviously, he hasn't said anything for a reason, so is there a way to mention this without making things awkward?


The weirdest part of your post is that you allow lovers in your child's bed...not age appropriate.
Anonymous
Post 08/03/2017 08:26     Subject: I'm certain my son has a boyfriend, but he hasn't told me so. Don't know why.
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Why not ask? Hey, whats going on with you and Larlo? I saw you kiss and hold hands. Just so you know I think he's a great kid and fully support what ever you choose.


I like this with just one change -

Hey, whats going on with you and Larlo? I saw you kiss and hold hands. Just so you know I think he's a great kid and [b]fully support you.

Saying you "fully support whatever you choose" makes it sound like you think sexuality is a choice - and its pretty clear that its not. So, don't say that.


You fully support whatever your kid chooses?! Wow. Your job is to bra parent, you know. Not a best friend.


YES,m I fucking do. I also support my sibling and partner who are great parents, and all the people I know at daycare (in boring old burbs at that!) who have same sex parents. You don't unring this bell. This is a part of humanity, its here to stay and you are on the wrong side of history. Get over yourself you bigot or I guess we can wait until you dinosaurs die out.
Anonymous
Post 08/03/2017 08:23     Subject: I'm certain my son has a boyfriend, but he hasn't told me so. Don't know why.
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Why not ask? Hey, whats going on with you and Larlo? I saw you kiss and hold hands. Just so you know I think he's a great kid and fully support what ever you choose.


This. Try not to take it personally he hasn't said anything. Teens are weird in general and especially about their love lives.


This is my guess too. It can be as simple as this. And no matter HOW they were raised its intimidating for queer kids to have a talk with their parents about this, because even when they KNOW their parents are accepting there is still always that tiny possibility in their head that their world could come crashing down because of that conversation. That is super, duper scary and intimidating for anyone, let alone a dependent kid!