Anonymous wrote:I'm from a different culture than DH. In the culture I was raised, it's beyond disrespectful to the point of unthinkable to call your ILs anything other than some form of "mom and dad". I know my ILs want to be called by their first names, but I simply can't bring myself to form the words it's so deeply ingrained in me. It would feel like calling them "a$$h0le" and "b1t**". I simply cannot bring myself to do it.

I basically have avoided addressing them directly for 8 years of marriage now. Crazy, I know.

This is interesting. What culture is this? If there is a word in a different language that means "mom" or "dad," could you use those? Or use them along with their first name, so it would be the equivalent of "Papa Bob" or "Mother Larla"?

First name basis here. DH's mom complained to him once when we were dating that I didn't call her Mrs. Lastname. He brought it up once, and I told him I could switch, but that the reason I didn't call her that was when she called, she always identified herself as Larla, never Mrs. Lastname. I assumed she wanted me to call her Larla.

He realized she was just being manipulative then and told me not to worry about it. If she introduces herself as Larla, she gets called Larla. I don't know if he ever addressed it further with her, but it never came up to me again.

Go back under your rock Pp

Anonymous wrote:Mom/Dad....it’s cultural though.

How is it cultural?
You mean they are old school and they dictated that, and you are afraid to rock the boat?

First names. I find Mr. and Mrs. to be super formal, and maybe only appropriate at first meetings. Mom and Dad? No way, Jose!!! My DH calls my parents by their first names as well.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mr. and Mrs Lastname. It's a sign of respect where I come from.

Same here (I'm from New York).

Eventually, they asked me to call them by their first names. But I didn't push it, because regardless of whether I think that level of formality is a little strange among family, I was not going to alienate them on something that didn't matter to me. You call people what they want to be called, within reason.

My DH called my parents Mr/Mrs the first time they met him, and they immediately asked that he call them by their first names.

I do agree on the "call people what they wish to be called," if someone wants me to call them Mr or Mrs, they need to call me Dr.

Nah, with your attitude I'm sure they call you "Your Majesty".

Are you really surprised that a physician insists that distinctions of rank be preserved? They are so far above us average folk, this needs to be acknowledged at all times!!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mr. and Mrs Lastname. It's a sign of respect where I come from.

Same here (I'm from New York).

Eventually, they asked me to call them by their first names. But I didn't push it, because regardless of whether I think that level of formality is a little strange among family, I was not going to alienate them on something that didn't matter to me. You call people what they want to be called, within reason.

My DH called my parents Mr/Mrs the first time they met him, and they immediately asked that he call them by their first names.

I do agree on the "call people what they wish to be called," if someone wants me to call them Mr or Mrs, they need to call me Dr.

Nah, with your attitude I'm sure they call you "Your Majesty".

I never knew what to call them before DD was born so I just avoided calling them anything for a few years... then DD was born and now we call them by their respective grandparent titles.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mr. and Mrs Lastname. It's a sign of respect where I come from.

Same here (I'm from New York).

Eventually, they asked me to call them by their first names. But I didn't push it, because regardless of whether I think that level of formality is a little strange among family, I was not going to alienate them on something that didn't matter to me. You call people what they want to be called, within reason.

My DH called my parents Mr/Mrs the first time they met him, and they immediately asked that he call them by their first names.

I do agree on the "call people what they wish to be called," if someone wants me to call them Mr or Mrs, they need to call me Dr.

Interesting. I've never insisted that anyone call me Dr, but I think if anyone insisted on me calling them Mr/Mrs then I'd request that they call me Dr, too.

And to the PP above, in my case, no, it's not so I can give medical advice. It's so people can demonstrate respect to me in the form of title that I've earned the right to use if they insist that I demonstrate respect to them in the form of a title that they feel they've earned the right to use.

Mom/Dad....it’s cultural though.

Anonymous wrote:

I do agree on the "call people what they wish to be called," if someone wants me to call them Mr or Mrs, they need to call me Dr.

In exchange for which, you offer free medical advice to acquaintances?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mr. and Mrs Lastname. It's a sign of respect where I come from.

Same here (I'm from New York).

Eventually, they asked me to call them by their first names. But I didn't push it, because regardless of whether I think that level of formality is a little strange among family, I was not going to alienate them on something that didn't matter to me. You call people what they want to be called, within reason.

My DH called my parents Mr/Mrs the first time they met him, and they immediately asked that he call them by their first names.

I do agree on the "call people what they wish to be called," if someone wants me to call them Mr or Mrs, they need to call me Dr.

I try to avoid calling them anything. Until the day we got married they insisted I call them Mr./Mrs. Smith. Then that day they magnanimously came up and announced I could now call them John and Jane.

Now that we have kids I usually refer them by their grandparent names if I have to call them anything...

They asked me to call them mom and dad often when we first got married and that was just too awkward for me. So basically I just avoided saying anything to them for many years. Now I do call them by their first names or grandma/grandpa. I can't imagine them wanting to be known by mom and dad. I'd never want my son in law to call me that when I'm old.

I always called my IL's mom and dad as did my DH with my parents. Our kids spouses are doing the same. We have never spoken about it and have just let it develop on its own. We are very lucky that both my DH and I loved our IL's from early on. If early on my IL's had been cold to me it might very well have been different.