Anonymous wrote:Many of the the most successful partnerships require that upon becoming a partner, the partner's spouse must disclaim any right to ownership in the partnership.
This is so that partnership can me managed without worrying about spouses getting ownership after a divorce and interfering with the operation of the business.

In fact, it's a firm condition of being elected to partner.

So, OP, were you aware it's a best practice among some of the world's most successful partnerships? Did you consider the family is following sound business advice and modelling their own partnership after best practices?

For every virtuous spouse, there is one lacking in scruples and good judgement. It's not personal, it's just business.

Wouldn't this be in the partnership agreement itself, though, and not require a postnup?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP again- just trying to see if this is something that is common when a spouse comes into money? As I mentioned, this is not inheritance. It's a family business deal, which involves corporate assets and payouts.

I am no slouch and have been gainfully employed earning as much (if not more) than him since we have been together. The only time I wasn't working is when I was on maternity leave for our children together.

Sound like he's not just protecting himself then but multiple family members. If they all get post-nups I can see it being fair, it sounds unrealistic though.

Shouldn't he be more concerned about his immediate wife and family, as opposed to protecting his assets and those of this siblings/parents/whoever?
OP - this isn't good, IMO. I would not sign any kind of postnup. They require consent by both parties, and also need to be drafted by a third attorney. So you need three attorneys working on it. One representing you, one representing your spouse, and one working on the agreement. So, you have every right not to sign, and he cannot make you.
If it were me, I would tell him to GFH.

Why? I bet you have kids and tell them to always take care of little bro/sis. Well that's what he's doing.

Many of the the most successful partnerships require that upon becoming a partner, the partner's spouse must disclaim any right to ownership in the partnership.
This is so that partnership can me managed without worrying about spouses getting ownership after a divorce and interfering with the operation of the business.

In fact, it's a firm condition of being elected to partner.

So, OP, were you aware it's a best practice among some of the world's most successful partnerships? Did you consider the family is following sound business advice and modelling their own partnership after best practices?

For every virtuous spouse, there is one lacking in scruples and good judgement. It's not personal, it's just business.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP again- just trying to see if this is something that is common when a spouse comes into money? As I mentioned, this is not inheritance. It's a family business deal, which involves corporate assets and payouts.

I am no slouch and have been gainfully employed earning as much (if not more) than him since we have been together. The only time I wasn't working is when I was on maternity leave for our children together.

Sound like he's not just protecting himself then but multiple family members. If they all get post-nups I can see it being fair, it sounds unrealistic though.

Shouldn't he be more concerned about his immediate wife and family, as opposed to protecting his assets and those of this siblings/parents/whoever?
OP - this isn't good, IMO. I would not sign any kind of postnup. They require consent by both parties, and also need to be drafted by a third attorney. So you need three attorneys working on it. One representing you, one representing your spouse, and one working on the agreement. So, you have every right not to sign, and he cannot make you.
If it were me, I would tell him to GFH.

This is completely wrong and wins the award for the dumbest thing I've read on here today. Best practice would be for both parties to be represented but you definitely don't need a third party to draft the agreement.

If there was a way to structure the post-nup so that you would not have an ownership stake in the family business but were still entitled to share in the profits that come to your DH, I would feel differently. Both my family and my DH's have family businesses, and I can understand other family-member shareholders wanting company ownership to remain blood-relative (or original investors) only. You don't want someone to get a nasty divorce and bust up the family business or require co-owners to buy them out.

However, if it's a move to block from sharing in the fruits of this business, that's a horse of a different color and no way would I be on board with that.

I also want wholeheartedly thank everyone who took the time to read my post and respond with your thoughts and helpful suggestions and advice. I was nervous about posting anything b/c some of these board can be vicious.

Anonymous wrote:My DD got into the family business after we were married and his family was livid when they realized there was no legal way to prevent my claim to a share. Subsequent spouses of siblings all signed prenups but the partnership specifically states all spouses have a right to ownership. What your husband is asking is a death knell to your marriage. You already have a right to his property and he is not in the sharing mood. I would leave his a$$ but only after the deal goes through.

OP here- and I think this may be a similar situation. And I agree that what DH is asking may be the death nail in the relationship if he indeed pursues it. My guess is that he will see how upsetting it is to me, and hurtful, and apologize. After all, I was with him - warts and all - and four kids later (including twins, no easy feat) before the money. I thought we were in a much better position than this. Maybe he doesn't realize exactly what a post-up is, and what it implies.

OP here. Thank you to the PPs for your thoughtful advice and insights and possible explanations. I am going to try to discuss more with DH tonight. We are both at work now, which is good b/c it's giving me time to think about this rationally and to get composed about it, so I don't seem like a total emotional mess later. I hope it's something that his family members put out there. We are the only married couple involved. The other siblings are not married. So I wonder if that is a seed they are planting. Who knows.

That is really strange and not common at all. It also presents a problem that this is a family/small company he might have some control over. If divorce is on his radar, and you say no, he may figure out a way to defer any income from this until the divorce is final so you don't get half.

I wouldn't sign it and I would get as much information (docs, proformas, financials, etc) that you can on the company just in case you need them.

I'm in TX now so I help form TX Ltd Partnerships and here, if he put his interest in his personal name it is considered community property.

If DH was entering into something with his family that would impact our finances, and came to me with the mention of a post-nup, I would assume first and foremost that it was something that his family had brought up. Does he maybe have a sibling who is asking their spouse to sign one as well? I'd want to know where the idea came from and why. Part of the issue is that it's not just his new business, it involves his family so the best spin on this might be one of them saying "I heard from my advisor that we ought to have non-involved spouses sign post-nups" and your DH is just following that line of thought.

It's also possible that what he is suggesting is just a way to separate the finances of the business and your nuclear family, but if it seemed like in any way that my DH was trying to set up an agreement that basically was intended to cut me off from benefiting in any way from the new venture you can bet that I'd be stunned and hurt. We're a team. We support each other and want the best for each other, etc.

If DH proposed a post-nup that seemed in any way fair in the event of some unlikely change (e.g. All assets related to his share of the family business only go to your kids even if he gets hit by a bus tomorrow and you would otherwise inherit his share) then I would at least consider his reasoning. Otherwise, I'll admit I'd probably be hauling him off to a counselor to ask if he really had so little trust in me that this was necessary and how he saw our relationship.

Anonymous wrote:I would be very clear with him that there is no way you will sign a postnup so to just stop that line of inquiry now. Then I'd tell him how hurtful this is and that you have to assume he is considering ending the marriage and see where that takes the conversation.

Finally, I'd tell him that if you (meaning the both of you) come into a great deal of money because of this business venture that has been in the works for years, then you'd like to suggest setting up trusts or savings accounts of some sort for each of your children.

to add on .......

...... does it make sense to see a marriage therapist?
...... sit down and meet with a financial advisor?
...... clarify your hopes and dreams for the future?

^^ DH not DD

If you have a good relationship (and it sounds like you thought you did), I think you have to approach him openly and honestly and lay it out there:

I was so stunned when you suggested the post nup. Can we talk about your motivation and what you think that might accomplish? because i see us as equal partners who have been through a lot and are there for each other, and honestly at this point I'm feeling hurt and wondering if this business deal is going to change you and our relationship. You've clearly been thinking about it, and this is brand new to me - can you tell me your thought process? Is this something we should sit down together with a financial planner, or with a marriage counselor? Because the message you sent, whether you intended to or not, was incredibly hurtful to me.

My DD got into the family business after we were married and his family was livid when they realized there was no legal way to prevent my claim to a share. Subsequent spouses of siblings all signed prenups but the partnership specifically states all spouses have a right to ownership. What your husband is asking is a death knell to your marriage. You already have a right to his property and he is not in the sharing mood. I would leave his a$$ but only after the deal goes through.

I would be very clear with him that there is no way you will sign a postnup so to just stop that line of inquiry now. Then I'd tell him how hurtful this is and that you have to assume he is considering ending the marriage and see where that takes the conversation.

Finally, I'd tell him that if you (meaning the both of you) come into a great deal of money because of this business venture that has been in the works for years, then you'd like to suggest setting up trusts or savings accounts of some sort for each of your children.