Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm with 12:14. If the child purchased it him/herself, or if it was a gift, or if it is underwear, then it is his or hers. But if it was purchased with parental money then the child should be gracious enough to share. That doesn't mean that the garment can be mistreated or poorly used. And it does mean that the garment needs to be cleaned before it is returned in the condition in which it was received. Also, you can't take the shirt of the other person's back nor the shoes off of her feet.

Prom dress bought with Mom's credit card? Shared. Hello Kitty t-shirt received as a birthday gift from Aunt Margo? Not shared. Jack Rogers sandals? Shared. Fluffy bunny slippers that she got for Christmas? Not shared.

That is crazy.
If I buy dd1 something it is for her.
And I darn sure am not making them share shoes.

Hey, if I am spending $150-300 a pair of sandals (read upscale flip flops) from Jack Rogers or Tory Burch then heck, yes, I think a younger sister should be able to ask her older sister if she can wear them. And her older sister better say "yes" unless she has bought them herself or they were a gift AND even then I would hope she could be generous enough to say "yes, you may borrow my sandals". All this me, me, me stuff makes me sick.

1. Why are you buying such items for a child?
2. I highly doubt your kids have exactly the same size feet. Doesn't it ruin shoes to share them like that?
3. $150-$300 for a glorified flip flop? Sorry. I don't think the "entitlement problem" should be focused on whether they share.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She doesn't have to share, but it'd be nice. She probably is a little selfish (the eldest sister usually is).

My sister and I willingly shared everything when we were similar sizes, and we have a 5 year age difference! (back when oversized clothes were in style lol). Our family didn't have a lot of money and it was a great way to make the most of our wardrobe.

No usually. I am the older sister and I shared everything with my younger sister. Even bought her things with the money I got. She never shared anything with me. We were always the same size.

You're right, my older sister is definitely not selfish either. I have noticed in most families with two daughters only, that the older one tends to be more selfish. From my friends/family circle at least

My daughters are 4 and 5.5 and right now don't share clothes except socks and nightgowns. I think when they're older if they're the same size I will create a "Share drawer" of their dresser. Anything they put in there either girl will be able to wear.

Anonymous wrote:She doesn't have to share, but it'd be nice. She probably is a little selfish (the eldest sister usually is).

My sister and I willingly shared everything when we were similar sizes, and we have a 5 year age difference! (back when oversized clothes were in style lol). Our family didn't have a lot of money and it was a great way to make the most of our wardrobe.

No usually. I am the older sister and I shared everything with my younger sister. Even bought her things with the money I got. She never shared anything with me. We were always the same size.

She doesn't have to share, but it'd be nice. She probably is a little selfish (the eldest sister usually is).

My sister and I willingly shared everything when we were similar sizes, and we have a 5 year age difference! (back when oversized clothes were in style lol). Our family didn't have a lot of money and it was a great way to make the most of our wardrobe.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm with 12:14. If the child purchased it him/herself, or if it was a gift, or if it is underwear, then it is his or hers. But if it was purchased with parental money then the child should be gracious enough to share. That doesn't mean that the garment can be mistreated or poorly used. And it does mean that the garment needs to be cleaned before it is returned in the condition in which it was received. Also, you can't take the shirt of the other person's back nor the shoes off of her feet.

Prom dress bought with Mom's credit card? Shared. Hello Kitty t-shirt received as a birthday gift from Aunt Margo? Not shared. Jack Rogers sandals? Shared. Fluffy bunny slippers that she got for Christmas? Not shared.

That is crazy.
If I buy dd1 something it is for her.
And I darn sure am not making them share shoes.

Hey, if I am spending $150-300 a pair of sandals (read upscale flip flops) from Jack Rogers or Tory Burch then heck, yes, I think a younger sister should be able to ask her older sister if she can wear them. And her older sister better say "yes" unless she has bought them herself or they were a gift AND even then I would hope she could be generous enough to say "yes, you may borrow my sandals". All this me, me, me stuff makes me sick.

Then don't spend the money or tell her it comes with that condition. If the oldest ones wants to share, then yes. If not, she shouldn't be forced to share. If the oldest outgrows the item and wants to donate, then her sisters should get dibs. But other than that, the item belongs to whoever it was bought for. If you want them to share, then you have to say: I'll buy these flip flops, but the one pair is to be shared among the 3 of you.

Anonymous wrote:No, they are her clothes. If the other two want to share that's great. They are old enough to make their own decisions as well as respect the decisions of others.

+1

This is our approach, even with the younger ones. They're 9 and 6.

There are things that we all share as a family and there are things we've gotten them to share between the two of them.

But each of us also has things that are just ours. Adults and kids, alike. And it's up to us whether or not to share them.

If we do, fine. But it's always an option to say no when someone asks, and we try to respect each other's choices to not to share, just like we respect other in general.

All that said, our kids are also learning that what goes around comes around. Meaning, they can choose whether or not to share their personal stuff with each other. Including the clothes and toys we buy them. But when they're generous the other will tend to be, too. And when they hoard things, the other tends to, as well.

As a family, we're trying to create a "culture" where everyone wants to share and be generous with each other, but we also want to respect everyone's boundaries. So far, so good.

Well if you ask my sisters "yes". But we have the relationship that has established those "rights". As a general rule "no".

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm with 12:14. If the child purchased it him/herself, or if it was a gift, or if it is underwear, then it is his or hers. But if it was purchased with parental money then the child should be gracious enough to share. That doesn't mean that the garment can be mistreated or poorly used. And it does mean that the garment needs to be cleaned before it is returned in the condition in which it was received. Also, you can't take the shirt of the other person's back nor the shoes off of her feet.

Prom dress bought with Mom's credit card? Shared. Hello Kitty t-shirt received as a birthday gift from Aunt Margo? Not shared. Jack Rogers sandals? Shared. Fluffy bunny slippers that she got for Christmas? Not shared.

That is crazy.
If I buy dd1 something it is for her.
And I darn sure am not making them share shoes.

Hey, if I am spending $150-300 a pair of sandals (read upscale flip flops) from Jack Rogers or Tory Burch then heck, yes, I think a younger sister should be able to ask her older sister if she can wear them. And her older sister better say "yes" unless she has bought them herself or they were a gift AND even then I would hope she could be generous enough to say "yes, you may borrow my sandals". All this me, me, me stuff makes me sick.

Anonymous wrote:No, they are her clothes. If the other two want to share that's great. They are old enough to make their own decisions as well as respect the decisions of others.

This.

And the younger sisters need to apologize for calling their older sister "mean" etc. That's bratty and entitled of them.

That is actually quite crappy to make her share her clothes. So, now even the clothes on her back are not hers and hers alone?

Anonymous wrote:If you have bought her formal dresses and the younger ones want to borrow, then yes, they should be able to. Unless you want to buy the younger ones brand new everything, which is fine too. Source: youngest of three girls who would have loved all new stuff.

This is a good point. Has the oldest tended to get all new clothes while the youngest get stuck with hand me downs?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would think that, at those ages, they can and should figure this out for themselves without your intervention.

This. They are 20, 18, and 16. They are old enough to solve this problem for themselves. Plus if you intervene, then they will be mad at you, too. Stay out of it.

Oh please - if a parent does not intervene, the 16 yr old will be dominated by the other two. Or, 2 of them will gang up on the 3rd.

I think each should have to ask another's permission before borrowing. There are natural consequences to not being generous and hopefully they'll figure this out fast. My only exception to this advice would be if the youngest is still getting hand me downs instead of her own wardrobe - if that is the case, then no one would want to borrow her clothes so no incentive to grant her permission to borrow, which would be unfair.

Anonymous wrote:I would think that, at those ages, they can and should figure this out for themselves without your intervention.

This. They are 20, 18, and 16. They are old enough to solve this problem for themselves. Plus if you intervene, then they will be mad at you, too. Stay out of it.

The rule in our house (three girls the same size) is that, if you don't want to see your sister wearing your clothes, you maintain your own hamper and wash and put away your own laundry. Once it hits a communal laundry load, all bets are off.

Otherwise, no going into someone else's closet/drawers without permission.