Anonymous
Post 07/08/2017 00:42     Subject: Re:Therapist takes DH's side
Anonymous wrote:OP, I think it might help you to step back and stop looking at this as an issue of who's right and who's wrong, and start looking at it from the perspective of "what does my behavior get me, and is there anything more constructive I can do." You and your MIL don't get along, and to have you harping on every sideways glance from her just puts your DH in the middle of it, which is a really tough place for him to be. Unless she's doing something that truly does necessitate intervention by him (e.g., she's excluding =you from an extended family vacation and your DH needs to tell her that he's not coming if you're not invited), stand up to her yourself in the moment and then find a friend to vent to. Try to look at it not as him not giving you what you want, but as you giving him some kindness and grace in your marriage.


Sorry,but why isn't DH supporting her? The HUSBAND is the real issue, not actually the MIL.
Anonymous
Post 07/07/2017 23:21     Subject: Therapist takes DH's side
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Therapist here. When one of the partners in a couples counseling session think I am on their side (or against them) it usually indicates a personality disorder in the offended party. Maybe you should look at yourself, OP.


LOL. I hope this is a troll and not an actual therapist. If you are one, I sincerely hope you don't have any actual patients.


Did pp hit a little too close to home?
Anonymous
Post 07/07/2017 23:09     Subject: Therapist takes DH's side
Anonymous wrote:Therapist here. When one of the partners in a couples counseling session think I am on their side (or against them) it usually indicates a personality disorder in the offended party. Maybe you should look at yourself, OP.


LOL. I hope this is a troll and not an actual therapist. If you are one, I sincerely hope you don't have any actual patients.
Anonymous
Post 07/07/2017 23:08     Subject: Therapist takes DH's side
Anonymous wrote:Therapist here. When one of the partners in a couples counseling session think I am on their side (or against them) it usually indicates a personality disorder in the offended party. Maybe you should look at yourself, OP.


I'm no medical professional but I tend to agree.
Anonymous
Post 07/07/2017 22:58     Subject: Re:Therapist takes DH's side
OP, I think it might help you to step back and stop looking at this as an issue of who's right and who's wrong, and start looking at it from the perspective of "what does my behavior get me, and is there anything more constructive I can do." You and your MIL don't get along, and to have you harping on every sideways glance from her just puts your DH in the middle of it, which is a really tough place for him to be. Unless she's doing something that truly does necessitate intervention by him (e.g., she's excluding =you from an extended family vacation and your DH needs to tell her that he's not coming if you're not invited), stand up to her yourself in the moment and then find a friend to vent to. Try to look at it not as him not giving you what you want, but as you giving him some kindness and grace in your marriage.
Anonymous
Post 07/07/2017 22:01     Subject: Therapist takes DH's side
Op, whether this is reasonable or not depends on what your MIL does that pisses you off. If she is, like, verbally abusive to you, then your DH should be defending you, telling her to stop, and supporting you in deciding to spend less time with her.

But if she is just being normal levels of annoying, then you are being unfair to your DH by complaining to him about it. He obviously loves her, and you're putting him in the position of having to choose whether to defend her to you, or take your side and feel like he's being disloyal to his mom.

So, more details please so we can judge correctly.
Anonymous
Post 07/07/2017 21:56     Subject: Therapist takes DH's side
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Therapist here. When one of the partners in a couples counseling session think I am on their side (or against them) it usually indicates a personality disorder in the offended party. Maybe you should look at yourself, OP.


Wow..you sound like a fright with a license. I wonder how many marriages you broke up?


Oh for Christ's sake, grow up. That was a serious, calmly presented statement.


I'm well grown. In my 60s, and your presumptive remark makes you sound ineffective in your job. So, I repeat, how many marriages, under your watch, have broken up?
Anonymous
Post 07/07/2017 21:45     Subject: Therapist takes DH's side
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Therapist here. When one of the partners in a couples counseling session think I am on their side (or against them) it usually indicates a personality disorder in the offended party. Maybe you should look at yourself, OP.


Wow..you sound like a fright with a license. I wonder how many marriages you broke up?


Oh for Christ's sake, grow up. That was a serious, calmly presented statement.
Anonymous
Post 07/07/2017 21:40     Subject: Therapist takes DH's side
Anonymous wrote:Therapist here. When one of the partners in a couples counseling session think I am on their side (or against them) it usually indicates a personality disorder in the offended party. Maybe you should look at yourself, OP.


It's a little bit more complex than that, usually. We can feel that you're understanding and sympathetic, and trying to work towards getting the other to see our point of view. You're on both sides.
Anonymous
Post 07/07/2017 21:38     Subject: Therapist takes DH's side

I felt my therapist "got" us.
She spoke so that my husband never felt put upon, even while explaining to him that it was basically all his fault.

Karin Focke M.S. , LCPC
7910 Woodmont Avenue, Suite 908
Bethesda, MD, 20814
Ph: 301-3255257
Anonymous
Post 07/07/2017 21:30     Subject: Therapist takes DH's side
I don't know,OP. My mom can be grating, but I have asked DH not to say bad things about her to me, because there's nothing I can do and it makes me feel worse about the situation. I basically expect him to comply with that request.
Anonymous
Post 07/07/2017 21:21     Subject: Therapist takes DH's side
Anonymous wrote:Therapist here. When one of the partners in a couples counseling session think I am on their side (or against them) it usually indicates a personality disorder in the offended party. Maybe you should look at yourself, OP.


Wow..you sound like a fright with a license. I wonder how many marriages you broke up?
Anonymous
Post 07/07/2017 21:20     Subject: Re:Therapist takes DH's side
This post could be a friend of mine's. Seriously. Her MIL and SIL excluded her from events, disregarded her family in favor of another DIL's family, talked about her behind her back, etc. Marriage counseling for a year where the male therapist had her focus on her "self-esteem." Husband left her three months ago. Disgusted.
Anonymous
Post 07/07/2017 19:31     Subject: Therapist takes DH's side
Therapist here. When one of the partners in a couples counseling session think I am on their side (or against them) it usually indicates a personality disorder in the offended party. Maybe you should look at yourself, OP.
Anonymous
Post 07/07/2017 18:40     Subject: Therapist takes DH's side
Or the therapist may be trying to start an affair with him.