Anonymous wrote:I had a friend like this. She was elusive and it took effort for guys to earn her trust. She took forever to have sex (if she ever did). And guys fell all over themselves to be with her. And if you talked to each one, they would tell you about this AMAZING connection they had. How special it was that she finally opened up and trusted him. OMG, I knew her for 7 years. I cannot tell you how many guys this happened with. Probably 30+ guys. And she slept with maybe 5.

The thing is, she was super f***ed up. Abusive, alcoholic father. Co-dependent mother. Various food or body image issues (anorexia, bulimia, over exercising, etc), but you'd never know it by looking at her) She was sexually abused by a babysitter and her brothers by an Uncle. But she looked like the happiest person with the most amazing close family. But so, so f***ed up. And serious issues around sex.

There was a reason she was so elusive and it took so much effort to gain her trust. I can almost guarantee she was messed up!

Anonymous wrote:I had a great serious first love just out of college. I was crazy about her but she suddenly turned cold on me. A few years later I met my DW but I often thought about her and I couldn't get over her. But I married my DW and I've been incredibly happy for many years. My ex married and divorced a couple of times and then sadly died after years of being ill. You need to move on.

Anonymous wrote:You blew it, dude. Other guys got what you wanted.

Anonymous wrote:
If I think about the 2-3 women in my past who still loom large in my romantic memory, it's the ones that got away, the ones that I couldn't get to fully commit to me and appreciate what I had to offer. I'm sure I idealized them in my head, making them seem perfectly suited for me. The other "mortal" women from past relationships seem "conquered" for lack of a better term, with no lingering longing. College girl will probably always be an unrealistically idealized person to OP and may always occupy some special place in the heart because of it. Reaching out unsuccessfully will probably put her yet higher on some unreachable, unobtainable pedestal, while reaching out successfully will just put her into the conquered, mortal category, with all of it's realism and visible faults. It won't be what you imagined it would be - at least not for long. Either way, no good will come of it. A wise friend once told me, "If you find yourself kissing a Goddess, she probably isn't one." Generally speaking, begging is a turnoff, unless the girl has her own issues. Man up.

Anonymous wrote:
If I think about the 2-3 women in my past who still loom large in my romantic memory, it's the ones that got away, the ones that I couldn't get to fully commit to me and appreciate what I had to offer. I'm sure I idealized them in my head, making them seem perfectly suited for me. The other "mortal" women from past relationships seem "conquered" for lack of a better term, with no lingering longing. College girl will probably always be an unrealistically idealized person to OP and may always occupy some special place in the heart because of it. Reaching out unsuccessfully will probably put her yet higher on some unreachable, unobtainable pedestal, while reaching out successfully will just put her into the conquered, mortal category, with all of it's realism and visible faults. It won't be what you imagined it would be - at least not for long. Either way, no good will come of it. A wise friend once told me, "If you find yourself kissing a Goddess, she probably isn't one." Generally speaking, begging is a turnoff, unless the girl has her own issues. Man up.