Anonymous wrote:I am a 42yo recently divorced, professional woman. I feel like I'd like to start dating but am self-conscious about my weight and feel maybe I shouldn't bother dating until I've lost 40 pounds. This is an issue I've struggled with my whole life. Yes, some might say, just lose the weight, but I'm finding it harder than that. On the one hand I don't want to sell myself short, i.e. I am above average pretty, smart and have my act together, not to mention healthy sex drive with good skills in the bedroom. And maybe I am selling 40+ yr old men short by assuming that they will automatically be turned off by an overweight woman... Curious about perspectives for a reality check... Thanks

If you want to lose weight, lose weight. But definitely don't put your life on hold until you've done it. There may be some men who care about the extra weight, but I'm guessing you'd rather be with one who doesn't.

Anonymous wrote:My best gay friend taught me a valuable lesson in college, when I was rail thin and obsessed with my diet:

"Be the weight that makes you happy. You'll attract a guy that thinks you're smoking hot at that weight and you can spend your life being happy instead of watching every carb".

And he was brutally honest when it came to the male mind.

He's also the first one that made me realize that many men like bigger women.

Anyway, I gained 20 pounds and have stayed at a size 6-8 since that talk and very happy. No trouble getting dates or keeping men

The problem with this philosophy is when a 'not' rail thin person tries to apply it. That extra 20 lbs in their 20s balloons to 40-60 in their 40s, especially after kids. Establish good eating and physical activity habits in your 20s.

My best gay friend taught me a valuable lesson in college, when I was rail thin and obsessed with my diet:

"Be the weight that makes you happy. You'll attract a guy that thinks you're smoking hot at that weight and you can spend your life being happy instead of watching every carb".

And he was brutally honest when it came to the male mind.

He's also the first one that made me realize that many men like bigger women.

Anyway, I gained 20 pounds and have stayed at a size 6-8 since that talk and very happy. No trouble getting dates or keeping men

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NOT THIN. Fit, healthy and confident.

It's upsetting when women think "thin" or "skinny" is what men are looking for.

Fit generally means thin, or at least a size ten and below!

Not necessarily. I'm really fit but a size 14.

Op, I'm 50 and about 40-50 lbs overweight. I'm above attractive, very outgoing,great job, intelligent, dress well, fun and carry myself in a confident manner. I've been on the various online dating sites on & off now for a few years. I've actually dated some very good looking, successful men- some in shape, some not in shape. I'll admit, my weight is always in the back of my mind though....it bothers me. And recently I've let my weight issues convince me that it's the reason a man I really like is blowing me off. I have no proof and he hasn't said that, But I'm very insecure about it deep down. Saying that, I'd still suggest that you get out there and see what happens. I'm not sorry that I have! But I'm also going to try and commit to losing the weight for myself. Not only for health reasons but to make myself feel better and not always have the overweight thought lurking in my thoughts. Rectory, I've been really beating myself up over it.

I think going after overweight guys is your best option. It's sad, but most men and women are overweight, bordering on obese. When I go to the pool, it's rare to see a woman over 20 with a decent body. So you are the norm, which really isn't so bad.

If you lose weight, you won't be fooling any guy.It is a red flag, as we know that weight will come back. I would just focus on being yourself and lower your expectations.

Anonymous wrote:37 year old male. It is all about how you carry your weight. Buy close that fit regardless of size.

Skinny doesn't do much for me. But I know of lot of men disagree with me.

Rack size and quality is more important than waist size.

Anonymous wrote:I am a 42yo recently divorced, professional woman. I feel like I'd like to start dating but am self-conscious about my weight and feel maybe I shouldn't bother dating until I've lost 40 pounds. This is an issue I've struggled with my whole life. Yes, some might say, just lose the weight, but I'm finding it harder than that. On the one hand I don't want to sell myself short, i.e. I am above average pretty, smart and have my act together, not to mention healthy sex drive with good skills in the bedroom. And maybe I am selling 40+ yr old men short by assuming that they will automatically be turned off by an overweight woman... Curious about perspectives for a reality check... Thanks

If your nice and relatively forthcoming in making advances toward men, you should have no problem. On the other hand, if you're going to sit on your ass and let the men come to you in some bullshit antiquated notion that the MAN should do all the pursuing, then your weight might be a problem.

If you got big tits, you should be fine.

I think you should start exercising and eating better, and don't focus on dating, but leave yourself open to it. If you are above-average pretty and have a good personality, the weight will probably matter less than you think unless your standards for a guy are very unrealistic. (i.e. be a little forgiving of guys as you expect them to be for you.) I have a number of friends who are not exactly thin, and most of them are married or engaged, so clearly weight was not a dealbreaker.

OP, depends on the man. I don't like walking toothpicks and have a thing for curvy women with glasses who are slightly nerdy. To each their own, right?

Anonymous wrote:It will be significantly more difficult. I've been a single parent for almost 10 years now and I can say the sole common factor amongst those who remarried was their general "hotness" Not all, but most. Online dating just really thrives on judging a book by it's cover. With that said, I'm not overweight and I still haven't found anyone to partner with. But I would say I've had plenty of options, whereas overweight women are going to have to spend more time emailing, etc.

THIS. exactly.

Anonymous wrote:NOT THIN. Fit, healthy and confident.

It's upsetting when women think "thin" or "skinny" is what men are looking for.

Fit generally means thin, or at least a size ten and below!

NOT THIN. Fit, healthy and confident.

It's upsetting when women think "thin" or "skinny" is what men are looking for.

I'm overweight by about 50 lbs and online dating was a waste of time. Now, obviously I realize there are other reasons a guy might not email me (or respond to my email) but I'm sure my weight doesn't help. Men are visual. They see a pic and they like it or they don't. I'm working on getting myself into a healthier lifestyle. Once I lose weight I'll probably try online dating again. If I still get ignored then maybe I'm just ugly. Haha!

OP. Lose the weight; it's easier than you think.

Go paleo and low carb, whole30, something like that.

Lift heavy 2x a week, and get some cardio in 1x or 2x a week.

You'll look great and feel great.