We have spaghetti night, movie night and game night every week, and we all love it.

Can you tell more? Sounds like a great idea!

Anonymous wrote:I'm sure this has been discussed before:

The part I struggle with is connection with one's kids and less about the chores, given I am lazy anyway

How does one feel less guilty about the lack of time spent with one's kid? I hear about all kinds of studies such as: quality time matters more than quantity, but the small voice in my head says that because I was with my child for a little more time I knew more about my 4 year old's insecurities, her joys, fears, happiness, etc. I felt present in her life. My previous job allowed me to work from home in the evenings (after 6 hours in the office), giving me a few hours during the day with my kid. I know most parents don't have this opportunity at all.

Now, I will begin a non-flexible 8:00-6:00 job, with longer hours based on project deadlines. I feel terribly guilty and wish I had more flexible job options available. Please tell me how you are able to connect meaningfully with your kid after being away the whole day!

I felt this way, so I quit. To call it guilt implies someone else is making you feel that way, or you should feel that way. I don't think there is a right way, just preferences. I was seeing my kids for 20 minutes in the morning and 1.5 hours at night, and nearly all of that time was structured: time to make breakfast and get ready for school, time to do homework, time for bath, time to get ready for bed. I now have a part-time job (also lower status and pay than before) but we do have much much more time together. For me it was worth it.

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Prior generations knew better

You Cant do it all

The updated key is that the higher earning spouse should work and the other should stay home regardless If its the Male Or female

Dc none wins its a two income trap

[/quote]

But were prior generations happy?[/quote]

Some were, some weren't. Just like today whether you work or not.

Anonymous wrote:I'm sure this has been discussed before:

The part I struggle with is connection with one's kids and less about the chores, given I am lazy anyway

How does one feel less guilty about the lack of time spent with one's kid? I hear about all kinds of studies such as: quality time matters more than quantity, but the small voice in my head says that because I was with my child for a little more time I knew more about my 4 year old's insecurities, her joys, fears, happiness, etc. I felt present in her life. My previous job allowed me to work from home in the evenings (after 6 hours in the office), giving me a few hours during the day with my kid. I know most parents don't have this opportunity at all.

Now, I will begin a non-flexible 8:00-6:00 job, with longer hours based on project deadlines. I feel terribly guilty and wish I had more flexible job options available. Please tell me how you are able to connect meaningfully with your kid after being away the whole day!

I feel zero guilt. My job provides the health insurance for our family. The nanny sends me a pic or two most days, and lets whoever gets home first know about any big moments/insights discovered. Most nights DH and I are home in time for baths/bedtime and we catch up then.

Great suggestions! Thank you.

- if a kid's activity does not work for the family schedule, don't do it. It's not nearly as important as family time together - relaxed time, without people stressing.

Anonymous wrote:I'm sure this has been discussed before:

The part I struggle with is connection with one's kids and less about the chores, given I am lazy anyway

How does one feel less guilty about the lack of time spent with one's kid? I hear about all kinds of studies such as: quality time matters more than quantity, but the small voice in my head says that because I was with my child for a little more time I knew more about my 4 year old's insecurities, her joys, fears, happiness, etc. I felt present in her life. My previous job allowed me to work from home in the evenings (after 6 hours in the office), giving me a few hours during the day with my kid. I know most parents don't have this opportunity at all.

Now, I will begin a non-flexible 8:00-6:00 job, with longer hours based on project deadlines. I feel terribly guilty and wish I had more flexible job options available. Please tell me how you are able to connect meaningfully with your kid after being away the whole day!

Oh, good heavens. You connect meaningfully with your child because they're your child! Pare down everything else--your child does not need to be in three sports and music lessons. Limit the other stuff you say yes to on the weekends and try to carve out a fun adventure or activity each weekend day where you are focused on your child. Don't cook and clean or be fiddling with your phone in the time that your kid is awake. We have spaghetti night, movie night and game night every week, and we all love it.

What do they need for daycare besides shoes? Occasionally I forget diapers or wipes but they let me know a week before running out so I have extra time to bring more in.

Anonymous wrote:Maybe this will help you, OP. I was feeling the same way and decided to quit. After 6 months, I had lost 20 pounds, my house was clean and organized, and I was planning elaborate birthday parties...but I was miserable. The kids and I were having too much together time and we were getting annoyed with each other. My self esteem took a huge hit and I felt like I lost a large part of my identity. I ended up going back to work. And now I'm exhausted and overwhelmed again!

There is no perfect solution!!! Unless you find a position where you can work however many hours you want each week on a schedule that changes weekly and you have complete control over. When I find that job, then I'll be happy.

NP, and your post was exactly what I needed to read today. Thank you. I'm feeling stretched thin right now, and it's hard to appreciate that it's a struggle no matter what!

I'm sure this has been discussed before:

The part I struggle with is connection with one's kids and less about the chores, given I am lazy anyway

How does one feel less guilty about the lack of time spent with one's kid? I hear about all kinds of studies such as: quality time matters more than quantity, but the small voice in my head says that because I was with my child for a little more time I knew more about my 4 year old's insecurities, her joys, fears, happiness, etc. I felt present in her life. My previous job allowed me to work from home in the evenings (after 6 hours in the office), giving me a few hours during the day with my kid. I know most parents don't have this opportunity at all.

Now, I will begin a non-flexible 8:00-6:00 job, with longer hours based on project deadlines. I feel terribly guilty and wish I had more flexible job options available. Please tell me how you are able to connect meaningfully with your kid after being away the whole day!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Outsource as many things as possible - cleaning, online grocery shopping with delivery (instacart is saving my life), mother's helper. Try to get things ready for daycare etc before you go to bed. And make DH step up. Mine works in a place where he can't take a cellphone back with him and has to walk to a different building to access the internet, and he still manages to set up the AC repair person, deal with doc appointments, and knows when it's his turn to take LO to her appointments (and she has many of them). As I explained to him, my job is flexible but it's not fair to abuse that when he is also a grown up and would have to deal with the cable guy etc if I wasn't around.

yes yes yes. I use amazon fresh delivery and it is a LIFE SAVER. I also tried instacart but the service fee turned me off.

The fact I can shop from Whole Foods, PetCo, Wegmans, and Costco is why I suck up the service charge. In fact, I have two of the places delivering around 7 tonight. And I think we save money as neither of us is splurge shopping. But trust me - it took a bit to get over the fee!

Anonymous wrote:Outsource as many things as possible - cleaning, online grocery shopping with delivery (instacart is saving my life), mother's helper. Try to get things ready for daycare etc before you go to bed. And make DH step up. Mine works in a place where he can't take a cellphone back with him and has to walk to a different building to access the internet, and he still manages to set up the AC repair person, deal with doc appointments, and knows when it's his turn to take LO to her appointments (and she has many of them). As I explained to him, my job is flexible but it's not fair to abuse that when he is also a grown up and would have to deal with the cable guy etc if I wasn't around.

yes yes yes. I use amazon fresh delivery and it is a LIFE SAVER. I also tried instacart but the service fee turned me off.

I know it's not what you asked, but if you are seriously considering quitting your job, perhaps your husband could find something more flexible instead? Things are easier in many ways once the kids are in elementary school, but they start having a lot of activities, play dates, parties etc. and it is nice to be able to split those up so one parent isn't doing it all. My husband left a demanding career for a government job with fixed hours and more flexibility and he loves being able to take the kids on days off, attend school events, and be a cub scout leader. We were able to find a more equitable balance of work, chores and child responsibilities that works really well for us, and in my opinion is healthier for our kids.

Learning to let some things slide and keep meals simple
Making some household responsibilities 100% your DH's so that you can really get it off your list
Housecleaner minimum 2x a month
Google Calendar for EVERYTHING. Shared with DH. I have several sub-calendars with color coding to note commitments for each child, me, DH, household task reminder, etc.
Prep for the day the night before.

I will assume you have your child in aftercare for K. So, don't worry about 'early release' days, those should he should just go to aftercare as usual
For the random days off, camps are always offered. To make my life easy, my first year working with a kid in school, I just signed up with YMCA for their camps to cover all days off for the full year. As the year went on I learned more about alternatives that interested my child (flyers come home from school) so I adjusted.

Summer camp, don't worry about it yet. Camp registrations generally start around January. For simplicity, you'll find you could sign up for the whole summer with one camp. This gets more complicated as the kids get older and develop preferences and want to coordinate with friends.

Other school stuff -- for things like field trips, parties, etc. I just told my kids I could attend one field trip each year and let them decide which one they want me to do. We don't have class parties w/ parents so not an issue.

Probably the biggest hassle is just that you'll be picking up from two different locations until your younger child is in ES. Some families find that it is worth it at that point to have a nanny/au pair + part time preschool. Rather than FT childcare + extended day.

Also, is it possible for you to work-at-home once a week? I have one day at home and, while I'm working, it also gives me one consistent day that I know I can schedule home services, doctor appointments, etc. since I know I won't be commuting then. That's also the designated laundry day. It doesn't take much time to toss it in between working. DH and I fold together in the evening.

Why didn't you pack everything for this morning last night? I make my DD (who just finished kindergarten) pack her backpack and put it next to the door on top of her shoes before she goes to bed each night. I pack my stuff each night before I go to bed.

I have a to-do list, ever changing, on my iPhone in Notes. DH and I both travel for work, but we can make calls for things like a plumber from anywhere.