My parents divorced when I was an adult. Both insist it shouldn't affect me, because I was already out of the house. Why they would think I was not affected by 25 years of hostility thereafter and their wholesale negation of all my joyful childhood memories, I don't know. It speaks to a deep selfishness on their part.

There were many ways to divorce without behaving this way, but they chose otherwise.

Get your mom the mental health care she needs. Don't let your dad encourage you to abandon your mom, as well. Make sure he respects that he has increased your burden.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your mom decided to kill herself that is her choice and it is considerably more selfish than your dad deciding he is tired of her bullshit and wants to be free.

+1000. And I don't think your dad is selfish at all for wanting some peace in the remaining years of his life. He's put up with enough. Squeaky wheel gets the oil, and your mom is the squeakiest of wheels. If it's your dad attempting suicide all the sympathy would be with him.

Squeaky wheel gets the grease.

Squeaky wheel gets the oil.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One of the worst things about my parents divorce when I was an adult was that I then became responsible for both of them, financially, health, emotionally etc. I am an only child and it was awful. Yes my Dad got to live his life in peace but at my expense and I am resentful. Although I do get it. It's exhausting. I wonder who your dad thinks is going to manage your mom, but she will be in much more devastated emotional state. I'm just not sure I could do that to my own kids.

This.
I'm sorry OP. Honestly, your dad is being selfish. He made the choice to stay in the marriage, supposedly for you and your siblings. I guess he thinks he gets to just walk away. Who does he think is going to take care of your mom after his departure sends her into a tailspin...Oh wait: You and your siblings.

Of course he can leave if he wants or needs to. And you don't have to care for your mother if she is a manipulative emotionally abusive jerk. The man put his time in to make your lives and hers more comfortable for years and years - that's enough. Have some respect.

Right. There are some truly selfish people on here. OP's mom sounds like a miserable person to spend a lifetime with. I don't blame the dad for wanting some peace.

Agreed.
I think most of your are forgetting that we get ONE life to lead. He should be allowed to live the rest of it in peace.

Those calling the dad selfish are truly the selfish ones, asking him to live his life for someone else.

Dude sacrificed most of his life for you already. Let him go in peace.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your mom decided to kill herself that is her choice and it is considerably more selfish than your dad deciding he is tired of her bullshit and wants to be free.

+1000. And I don't think your dad is selfish at all for wanting some peace in the remaining years of his life. He's put up with enough. Squeaky wheel gets the oil, and your mom is the squeakiest of wheels. If it's your dad attempting suicide all the sympathy would be with him.

Squeaky wheel gets the grease.

Anonymous wrote:If your mom decided to kill herself that is her choice and it is considerably more selfish than your dad deciding he is tired of her bullshit and wants to be free.

+1000. And I don't think your dad is selfish at all for wanting some peace in the remaining years of his life. He's put up with enough. Squeaky wheel gets the oil, and your mom is the squeakiest of wheels. If it's your dad attempting suicide all the sympathy would be with him.

Anonymous wrote: Lots of dad worship and mom hatred on this board. I doubt the relationship is as one sided as described.

The rule on this board is to go by OP's description of events as much as possible. Otherwise, what's the point of a discussion board?

Did you see anything in OP's post to make you distrust her story?

Lots of dad worship and mom hatred on this board. I doubt the relationship is as one sided as described.

Don't understand why some posters are saying OP's father is selfish, or that OP will be picking up broken pieces. I'm sure OP can lay appropriate boundaries, and seek help from a therapist if she feels in need of advice.

What would YOU do in this husband's shoes?

From what you describe, I wouldn't blame him either. His children are all adults and can take care of themselves now.

My mother is very hard to deal with. She has a chronic disease which makes her turn inward, and also has severe anxiety that she refuses to acknowledge, let alone treat. Being self-centered and crazy anxious has made her do terrible things.
My father will never leave her, since she cannot live by herself.

Is your mother open to seeking medical help? Most truly difficult people have something going on: ADHD, anxiety, etc.

Anonymous wrote:Crazy Mom needs to learn to take care of herself for a change. Let the man have at least a few decent years.

+1 She has reaped what she sowed.
OP, I am really sorry. For his own peace of mind, your dad needs to tell your mom, but also give counseling a chance with a time limit, say 6 months.
If your mom grasps that her whole life may be turned upside down, maybe she can stop being selfish and unreasonable, and learn how to be a good loving, caring, spouse.

Hello, I really am sorry your family is going through this. At the end of day you really can't control what your Dad decide. Since you are aware that there is the possibility that he might go through with the divorce and the re precautions it can bring about, I would focus on finding resources that can help your mom emotionally for what she may be getting ready to go through as well well as yourself. Maybe this is something your family(meaning the siblings) should sit down and talk about together. It can help to at least have a game plan in place in case this happens.

My mom attempted suicide a number of times- probably because she was stuck with my dad. I think they will both be fine apart.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One of the worst things about my parents divorce when I was an adult was that I then became responsible for both of them, financially, health, emotionally etc. I am an only child and it was awful. Yes my Dad got to live his life in peace but at my expense and I am resentful. Although I do get it. It's exhausting. I wonder who your dad thinks is going to manage your mom, but she will be in much more devastated emotional state. I'm just not sure I could do that to my own kids.

This.
I'm sorry OP. Honestly, your dad is being selfish. He made the choice to stay in the marriage, supposedly for you and your siblings. I guess he thinks he gets to just walk away. Who does he think is going to take care of your mom after his departure sends her into a tailspin...Oh wait: You and your siblings.

Of course he can leave if he wants or needs to. And you don't have to care for your mother if she is a manipulative emotionally abusive jerk. The man put his time in to make your lives and hers more comfortable for years and years - that's enough. Have some respect.

Right. There are some truly selfish people on here. OP's mom sounds like a miserable person to spend a lifetime with. I don't blame the dad for wanting some peace.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is pretty selfish of your dad. Is he just dumping mom on you?

How is t selfish to not want to be miserable for the rest of his life? The mom is an adult, she can deal.

Because she is a woman. If the genders were reversed, everyone would be screaming about emotional abuse/abusive relationship and telling the woman to leave. Op and others are very selfish. So your dad should continue to suffer in an abusive relationship so your precious little world remains the same- i.e. You do not have to deal with your crazy mom. OP here is an idea have your mother move in with you. What is that too much of an ask? Grow up.