Anonymous
Post 06/21/2017 21:43     Subject: Asexual
It doesn't matter the root cause of the issue. You sound incompatible. If he isn't interested in sex and you are, move on. This is a big issue. Love isn't enough.

It's not going to change.
Anonymous
Post 06/21/2017 21:22     Subject: Asexual
Anonymous wrote:It doesn't really matter if he's literally asexual - because he has zero sex drive and is content with this. It's unlikely to change.

So the bottom line is this - can you live without sex in your relationship with this man? If you can, and the positive things outweigh what is lacking, then stay. If you cannot live without sex, then leave. No matter what the root of his issues, this is your choice.

He's not going to change. If you do have kids with him, whatever duty sex he is having with you will likely disappear to nothing.

You need to look the situation in the face with clear eyes and no illusions or wishful thinking, and then make your choice.


He can change. His problems are physiological and fixable. But first he has to want to fix them. Unfortunately that might require the OP breaking up with him, or at least giving him an ultimatum "TRT or GTFO".

But, sorry OP, unless you are tough with him, he'll probably stay in his comfort zone. If you give him an ultimatum like that, you have to follow through. If you don't, you will have committed yourself to a sexless life.
Anonymous
Post 06/21/2017 19:43     Subject: Asexual
It doesn't really matter if he's literally asexual - because he has zero sex drive and is content with this. It's unlikely to change.

So the bottom line is this - can you live without sex in your relationship with this man? If you can, and the positive things outweigh what is lacking, then stay. If you cannot live without sex, then leave. No matter what the root of his issues, this is your choice.

He's not going to change. If you do have kids with him, whatever duty sex he is having with you will likely disappear to nothing.

You need to look the situation in the face with clear eyes and no illusions or wishful thinking, and then make your choice.
Anonymous
Post 06/21/2017 17:55     Subject: Re:Asexual
Anonymous wrote:It sounds like he has a medical condition (low t) and takes medication (for anxiety) that causes him to have zero drive. It also sounds like he is okay with those side effects. And he doesn't want to change anything.

The question is whether or not you can live with this. It's no different than incompatibilities on religion or money.


No one can live happily like this. No one. As much as you can rationalize that sex is just sex, it isn't. It is the glue of every marriage. His zero drive will destroy her self esteem, she will either cheat or become a shell of a person. They aren't compatible, they must break up. It's not a close call at all.
Anonymous
Post 06/21/2017 16:56     Subject: Re:Asexual
It sounds like he has a medical condition (low t) and takes medication (for anxiety) that causes him to have zero drive. It also sounds like he is okay with those side effects. And he doesn't want to change anything.

The question is whether or not you can live with this. It's no different than incompatibilities on religion or money.
Anonymous
Post 06/21/2017 16:30     Subject: Asexual
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:If it bothers you, and he has no interest in getting treatment, there's your answer. You deserve better, OP.
This is Op. Problem is I love him. I don't know what to do.


Have a kid together. Then, odds are you won't want sex either and you will be thrilled he won't either.

Anonymous
Post 06/21/2017 15:51     Subject: Asexual
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Do the two of you workout together? He can raise his T levels with some heavy lifting and running sprints. Worth a shot. Don't tell him why, just ask him to go to the gym with you
This is OP. We go to the gym together 3 days a week. I go elsewhere for yoga and pilates 2 days a week. He goes to the gym 5-6 days a week. Run 5K's, bike. We did a duathalon last month together. We are very active.


You should consider another boyfriend. You don't need this.
Anonymous
Post 06/21/2017 15:48     Subject: Asexual
He should go see these guys. They can answer his questions and discuss his concerns:

http://www.obsidianmenshealth.com/
Anonymous
Post 06/21/2017 15:47     Subject: Asexual
Anonymous wrote:This is Op. Ok, he went to the urologist in January. That is how he found out he has low T. The doctor gave him Viagra. He has not tried it. He said that he won't go on medicine for low T because it can make men infertile. He has a follow up appointment next month. He told me that he was going to cancel it. That's why I am so concerned right now.


That urologist FAILED UTTERLY.

Viagra is USELESS for men with low T. Viagra will not supply the libido that he does not have. Viagra only helps if you're interested in sex in the first place, which you are not when you have low T.

As for the fertility issue, there are ways to raise T for men who want to remain fertile, e.g., Clomid and human chorionic gonadotropic. But the main point is there ain't gonna be no babies if his relationship with you is destroyed due to his refusal to treat his low T issue.
Anonymous
Post 06/21/2017 15:42     Subject: Asexual
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Do the two of you workout together? He can raise his T levels with some heavy lifting and running sprints. Worth a shot. Don't tell him why, just ask him to go to the gym with you


No, you really can't. I had low T for years despite working out fairly regularly.
He won't take TRT because he thinks it's going to make him infertile.
Anonymous
Post 06/21/2017 15:38     Subject: Asexual
Anonymous wrote:Do the two of you workout together? He can raise his T levels with some heavy lifting and running sprints. Worth a shot. Don't tell him why, just ask him to go to the gym with you


No, you really can't. I had low T for years despite working out fairly regularly.
Anonymous
Post 06/21/2017 15:37     Subject: Asexual
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Your boyfriend has physical conditions (low T and ED and taking meds for other things) that have rendered him asexual. Those can be addressed with meds. He's unable to deal with the situation emotionally, so he's not.

The question is why isn't he jumping at the chance to fix this?


This is the earlier PP at 10:43. The issue is that he is happy in every way, OP says-- but he refuses to get help for TWO utterly treatable medical conditions that affect not only him but also the GF he says he loves.

OP, why does he refuse medical help for two, not uncommon, easily treated medical conditions? He is willing to accept treatment and meds for his anxiety. This is Op. I don't know. I've asked him and he says he's not taking more medicine.


So ask him for a reason why he is willing to treat one thing but not others. Talk with him and don't take deflection as an answer.
If he sees a life together for you as a couple, that life will not succeed unless you and he can communicate effectively. Neither of you is doing that right now.

Possibly he feels that sexual problems are a failure of will and if he admits he needs meds to have sex, he's not manly, or he's weak, or he's let you down. None of that is true but if it's what he believes on some level, he may need a therapist as well as a doctor to treat ED and low T. He needs to see that these are problems he did not create and cannot fix on his own--and you cannot fix them either, no matter how hard you try in initiating sex.

Your role is to be the adult he is apparently too scared to be when it comes to these problems. Consider too that this refusal to get treatment may reflect his anxiety breaking through despite meds. Tell him you are not angry, you love him, and he will see a doctor ASAP and treat this like the medical issue it is. Like he treats his anxiety. Tell him that this choice of his to ignore his ED and low T affects you, not just him, and he needs to see a doctor for both your sakes. Go with him.


Incidentally, anxiety and depression are symptoms of low T. If he gets TRT he may not need to treat his anxiety separately.
Anonymous
Post 06/21/2017 14:43     Subject: Asexual
Anonymous wrote:Do the two of you workout together? He can raise his T levels with some heavy lifting and running sprints. Worth a shot. Don't tell him why, just ask him to go to the gym with you
This is OP. We go to the gym together 3 days a week. I go elsewhere for yoga and pilates 2 days a week. He goes to the gym 5-6 days a week. Run 5K's, bike. We did a duathalon last month together. We are very active.
Anonymous
Post 06/21/2017 14:28     Subject: Asexual
Do the two of you workout together? He can raise his T levels with some heavy lifting and running sprints. Worth a shot. Don't tell him why, just ask him to go to the gym with you
Anonymous
Post 06/21/2017 14:26     Subject: Asexual
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Your boyfriend has physical conditions (low T and ED and taking meds for other things) that have rendered him asexual. Those can be addressed with meds. He's unable to deal with the situation emotionally, so he's not.

The question is why isn't he jumping at the chance to fix this?


This is the earlier PP at 10:43. The issue is that he is happy in every way, OP says-- but he refuses to get help for TWO utterly treatable medical conditions that affect not only him but also the GF he says he loves.

OP, why does he refuse medical help for two, not uncommon, easily treated medical conditions? He is willing to accept treatment and meds for his anxiety. This is Op. I don't know. I've asked him and he says he's not taking more medicine.


So ask him for a reason why he is willing to treat one thing but not others. Talk with him and don't take deflection as an answer.
If he sees a life together for you as a couple, that life will not succeed unless you and he can communicate effectively. Neither of you is doing that right now.

Possibly he feels that sexual problems are a failure of will and if he admits he needs meds to have sex, he's not manly, or he's weak, or he's let you down. None of that is true but if it's what he believes on some level, he may need a therapist as well as a doctor to treat ED and low T. He needs to see that these are problems he did not create and cannot fix on his own--and you cannot fix them either, no matter how hard you try in initiating sex.

Your role is to be the adult he is apparently too scared to be when it comes to these problems. Consider too that this refusal to get treatment may reflect his anxiety breaking through despite meds. Tell him you are not angry, you love him, and he will see a doctor ASAP and treat this like the medical issue it is. Like he treats his anxiety. Tell him that this choice of his to ignore his ED and low T affects you, not just him, and he needs to see a doctor for both your sakes. Go with him.
This is Op. Ok, he went to the urologist in January. That is how he found out he has low T. The doctor gave him Viagra. He has not tried it. He said that he won't go on medicine for low T because it can make men infertile. He has a follow up appointment next month. He told me that he was going to cancel it. That's why I am so concerned right now.