Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just recently got married, <30 days. My husband had/has a single female friend that he is in a fair amount of contact with prior to our marriage. I mean like daily, talks on phone on way to work(long commute), texting in evening and occasional email. Nothing going on just talking about weather, work things, work gossip, tv shows. She is very accomplished and he ask her questions concerning a lot of different things, medical, finances recommendation on things to buy or not buy. I am paying bills now and I see that most of contact is initiated by him. Am I wrong to think that this would have slowed down a bit once we were married? I was never concerned about her before we married, I am just wondering why the level of contact hasn't changed at all. For others who might ask, yes she is attractive and has a relationship with a man that has been going on for sometime but probably won't turn into marriage cause she doesn't want to marry. Am I just being paranoid? Should I think of her as the big sister he never had?

Has she ever said or done anything that you think is inappropriate? Do you have any indications that their relationship is more than they say? How does she act towards you? Seems to me that if there was anything romantic between them, you probably would not even be in the picture.

People here will tell you otherwise, but I have always found it a benefit that DH has a close female friend. Their mothers are best friends from childhood DH and our friend were pretty much like brother and sister. She treats me like she treats him and has worked hard to create a relationship with me. I am never excluded from their discussions and she often texts me independently. She also had given him advice from a female perspective that probably nipped some of our marriage issues in the bud.

I may be an odd duck but I am not a big fan of regulating your SO's long term platonic friendships. They have been friends for years (long before you came along it seems) and if you object, he is just going to take the friendship underground. Try to be a part of it. Then you will know for sure firsthand what it is all about.

I have only met her once and she was really great to me. She wasn't able to make the wedding due to a vacation booked way in advance. I haven't really seen them interact to say how she behaves around him but the one time there didn't seem to be anything to question. She lives kinda far from where we live so getting to know her more would be difficult and we have so little in common. I do agree that if I try to question this or shut it down that won't stop it and will take it underground.

Wait. They speak multiple times daily (phone, text and email) yet when ya'll set the date for the wedding she had a long-scheduled vacation already on the books? Sounds odd to me

Anonymous wrote:

I think preexisting friendships should be allowed to continue, but the level of contact and intensity you describe it too much.


I wasn't aware people generally were in the business of regulating their partners' interpersonal relationships. That's just weird and creepy.

I don't know what you mean by regulation. If DH and I have outside relationships (family or friendships) that concern or disturb the other person, we would raise it with one another, respect one another's feelings, and modify behavior accordingly. If you find that "creepy," hey, you have a right to your views. You manage your relationships the way you think best, and we'll do ours the way we think best.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just recently got married, <30 days. My husband had/has a single female friend that he is in a fair amount of contact with prior to our marriage. I mean like daily, talks on phone on way to work(long commute), texting in evening and occasional email. Nothing going on just talking about weather, work things, work gossip, tv shows. She is very accomplished and he ask her questions concerning a lot of different things, medical, finances recommendation on things to buy or not buy. I am paying bills now and I see that most of contact is initiated by him. Am I wrong to think that this would have slowed down a bit once we were married? I was never concerned about her before we married, I am just wondering why the level of contact hasn't changed at all. For others who might ask, yes she is attractive and has a relationship with a man that has been going on for sometime but probably won't turn into marriage cause she doesn't want to marry. Am I just being paranoid? Should I think of her as the big sister he never had?

Has she ever said or done anything that you think is inappropriate? Do you have any indications that their relationship is more than they say? How does she act towards you? Seems to me that if there was anything romantic between them, you probably would not even be in the picture.

People here will tell you otherwise, but I have always found it a benefit that DH has a close female friend. Their mothers are best friends from childhood DH and our friend were pretty much like brother and sister. She treats me like she treats him and has worked hard to create a relationship with me. I am never excluded from their discussions and she often texts me independently. She also had given him advice from a female perspective that probably nipped some of our marriage issues in the bud.

I may be an odd duck but I am not a big fan of regulating your SO's long term platonic friendships. They have been friends for years (long before you came along it seems) and if you object, he is just going to take the friendship underground. Try to be a part of it. Then you will know for sure firsthand what it is all about.

I have only met her once and she was really great to me. She wasn't able to make the wedding due to a vacation booked way in advance. I haven't really seen them interact to say how she behaves around him but the one time there didn't seem to be anything to question. She lives kinda far from where we live so getting to know her more would be difficult and we have so little in common. I do agree that if I try to question this or shut it down that won't stop it and will take it underground.

Anonymous wrote:It was wrong of you to assume that your husband's friendship w/this woman would change after he married you.

If this was such a concern, I would have discussed this w/him prior to settling down.

It would be unfair of you to expect him to minimize their contact now.

I would just have to trust my husband that this is purely platonic in nature & that if he really wanted her, he never would have married me.

Hope this helps.

Anonymous wrote:Does he feel insecure or somehow inferior to you? He may be trying to hedge against the day you leave him, you, so beautiful, so much more accomplished (you pay the bills), and such?

Either that, or he's an idiot, or they are truly just friends and it's habit. In any case, you should be able to talk about it.