Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here- grandmother has stayed here with DD, but DD has never been away overnight. The highway driving bothers me as does the different environment.

You are being difficult and helicopter-y.

Different environments are good for children to experience. Bonding with family members is essential. Children should learn that they have a large web of people who love them, and that there are different people who can take care of them. I could go on, but you probably get the idea. Also, this is just a blip of time in your child's life. If there are no safety issues or other worries with Grandma I don't know why you would deprive your child of spending time with a grandparent.

Anonymous wrote:Op - you are entitled to a preference
You owe no one an explanation
No reason to take a poll or open it up for debate
A "no" always wins
But you have one important responsibility
when you embrace this power -- you stop talking about it.
You do not make it a point of conversation

Learn this now, and apply to future situations.

Thank you for this response in particular. While I do not think I will say No to this request, I need to keep this in mind and be more firm in my preferences. I think my MIL and DH know that I waver with things so both apply pressure about other issues. OP

Thanks for to everyone for their thoughts. She is my oldest and I'm not sure what is the norm for these kinds of things, I only know that I want to do my absolute best raising her even if it makes me anxious or uncomfortable.

My 20 month old has travelled by plane and car to our family's beach house with grandma for overnights haha. And spent the night with all her other grandparents too.

It helps to cement their bond, gives dh and I some alone time. In the beginning it was hard and I fretted aboiut it but I'm glad I forced myself to loosen up. It's better for my dd and my marriage. It takes a village isn't just a platitude...its reality if you want to keep some of yourself intact through childhood.

Also your kid is five...if I were a grandparent I could understand reluctance at 2 or 3 but by 5 come on. My grandparents took me for a week to Disney world when I was 5! 5 is not s fragile flower, or at least they shouldn't be and honest y if your dd can't handle a night away at 5 then it would probably be good for her too.

My parents gladly shipped all 3 of us off to Nashville for a week every summer from age 5-15. It was about a 5 hour drive. I loved it and I'm probably closer to my grandparents as an adult because of it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 2.5 year old has stayed overnight with both my parents and inlaws while we do other things (go to out of town wedding, stay in hospital with newborn sibling, etc). The first time we left him he was about 9 months old. I think you being too helicopter if your MIL is responsible and would provide a safe place for your child.

+1000

+1. The answer depends on the MIL- but it sounds like yours is responsible. Not to mention your kid is 5 years old-- it's not a little baby. You need to let go.

Op - you are entitled to a preference
You owe no one an explanation
No reason to take a poll or open it up for debate
A "no" always wins
But you have one important responsibility
when you embrace this power -- you stop talking about it.
You do not make it a point of conversation

Learn this now, and apply to future situations.

Anonymous wrote:Nope. But it depends on Grandma. Unfortunately, ours are not people I would trust with a 5 y/o.

This exactly. My ILs? In a heartbeat... we actually did it when DD was 2 or 3. My parents? DD is 6 and it is still a flat out NO

I am glad my mother wasnt like OP. Best memories are my life are spending the nights with ny grandmas. In fact I am laying my head on a backrest thing that belonged to one of them right now as it reminds me of those weekends spent with her laid back on this and playing dress up with her jewelry. If your kid is scared its because they have never spent a night without you so you have created this situation.

I would say yes, but the first time we tried a few nights with grandparents my son didn't do so well. During the day he was great, but at night he was scared (my mom ended up sharing the room with him at night, and he was fine).

Depends on your and her comfort level. But if DH is saying yes, I think you should try for a night and then later do it for more nights. Especially if grandma is attentive and won't do anything unsafe.

The highway driving is an easy fix - you drive her.

The being uncomfortable in another environment is helicoptery unless there are some special needs/anxiety issues (on the part of the CHILD - not yours) that you aren't disclosing.

My DD8's relationship with her grandmother is one of the most rewarding things in her life. When she was little she said "grandma is my favorite person of Earth" and that is still true today for both of them.

Anonymous wrote:No, my kids belong with me. I don't ship them off.

Save this message for when they are 47 and living in your basement.

Drive to Grandma's Friday night and spend the night at her house with your kid.

You and DH leave Sat morning for an overnight to a hotel nearby and let your kid spend Sat night with Grandma.

Pick your child up Sunday afternoon and drive home. That way your child has a complete night alone at Grandmas but not highway driving by her was involved, you and DH get a date night and grandma gets your child for 24+ hours alone time.

If it goes well, next time leave the child Friday and Sat night.

If grandma's highway driving is a big issue, here's an idea: find a b&b or hotel a short distance from grandma's, drop DD off and enjoy an adult weekend with your DH. Do NOT helicopter or drop in on them. Call once or twice to check in but leave them alone, they'll be fine.

I was raised by a mom who never felt comfortable with overnights at grandparents and I feel I really missed out. My older DD has done weekends at grandparents since she was 3 and they love it.

Your kid. Do what you want.