My ex-husband and I have three sons. Our oldest and our youngest both have dark brown hair, dark brown eyes, dark skin (Native American, my side). Our middle son has blonde hair ( it was white-blonde until he was around 12), lighter skin, and light hazel eyes. He looks exactly like my dad, who passed away when I was a kid, so this meant something special to me. It is entirely possible to have a child who looks nothing like one of the parents. In your situation, I would not pursue anything. You could be wrong, and you cannot undo this once it is done.

OP-- I am all for open communication and no secrets ina marriage. But this is a huge gamble. Maybe you find out your husband is the father. Peace of mind all is well. But if you find out otherwise? What do you do? Destroy your life? DH's life? Your son's life? Tell your kid his dad is not his dad, and he is the product of rape? You are never going to be able to bring rape charges 12 years later for something you don't remember happening with no physical evidence. That would be a tough sell if you had woken up an suspected an encounter the next day.

I am also puzzled by the not suspecting something happened at the time piece. I think you must have suspected on known. Or your mind would not be going there. The time to act was then. 'Tis isn't meant to be blaming the victim, but you didn't, so now you need to live with it for your kid's sake.

It sounds like this is going to continue to both you. Unfriendly the colleague and try to put this behind you. If you can't, go see a counselor and work it out in private with her.

I hope you find some peace on this. But, for everyone's sake, your kid's dad is his dad. If if by chance he isn't biologically, then the other guy is a sperm donor. End of story.

Your son doesn't resemble your husband but does he resemble you?

Are you all ( you, husband coworker) all from the same or similar ethnic background that could count for the similarities?

OP, what was your LMP?

The best thing you can do for EVERYone involved here is to take this to your grave.

If you actually open up this can of worms, you will potentially damage a few lives including your own child's.

Leave the status quo.
There is no good reason to ever bring this up.

Rest assured.
Your secrets safe w/us.

Anonymous wrote:If it were me, I'd want to know. I don't know what I'd do with the information once I found out, but I'd want to investigate this.

I agree.

My aunt/uncle couldn't get pregnant for like forever. Then she had a baby, and he's a great kid, doesn't exactly resemble either parent but doesn't not look like them either. He's in college now, and to see them all together you would totally not think twice about them being his parents - except that he's about 6-3. My aunt is 5-4 and my uncle is 5-6. Nobody else in the family breaks 6'

Anonymous wrote:Why are you Facebook friends with a creepy random old colleague who tried to make out with you?

Because it's a cover for an affair. If he's smart, the DH will get a paternity test done.

My sister has 4 kids. 3 kids look completely alike and resemble her and have touches of her DH. The remaining child child looks nothing like her siblings and only has the rarest glimpse of resemblance to some of other relatives. there is no doubt that the 4th child is a biological child of both my sister and her husband.

Don't get a paternity test. Your husband is the father, your son just doesn't closely resemble him. Not everyone looks like their parents.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At home pregnancy tests in 2004 were not sensitive enough to pick up a 2 week old pregnancy. They would have been sensitive to pick up a 3.5 week pregnancy. I'd let this rest on that fact and never speak of it.

Well, I don't know about US pregnancy tests, but my pregnancy test picked up in Norway before 2 weeks pregnant. In 1999. I know because I was seeing a fertility specialist and took a home pregnancy test that was positive, and then a day later did a blood test and I was less than a week and a half pregnant pregnant, according to him exactly a week, and having a blood test not even 10 days before that said I didn't ovulate this cycle, but apparently my cycle was not regular, but more like 30 days long....which Dr said is rare, but there you go.

A 30 day cycle is not irregular or long. 28 days is AVERAGE. Which means some are longer, some are shorter. If you are consistently 30 days that is totally normal.

But I agree with you on the pregnancy test, thing (I posted the same thing on page 2)

Ok, maybe I didn't write it right. I would go 30 days without a period, is that then 37 days cycle or what is it called? I never get these things correct.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At home pregnancy tests in 2004 were not sensitive enough to pick up a 2 week old pregnancy. They would have been sensitive to pick up a 3.5 week pregnancy. I'd let this rest on that fact and never speak of it.

Well, I don't know about US pregnancy tests, but my pregnancy test picked up in Norway before 2 weeks pregnant. In 1999. I know because I was seeing a fertility specialist and took a home pregnancy test that was positive, and then a day later did a blood test and I was less than a week and a half pregnant pregnant, according to him exactly a week, and having a blood test not even 10 days before that said I didn't ovulate this cycle, but apparently my cycle was not regular, but more like 30 days long....which Dr said is rare, but there you go.

A 30 day cycle is not irregular or long. 28 days is AVERAGE. Which means some are longer, some are shorter. If you are consistently 30 days that is totally normal.

But I agree with you on the pregnancy test, thing (I posted the same thing on page 2)

Don't tell your husband, don't get a paternity test, unfriend the co-worker. I would also unfriend any other old co-workers that are friends with him. You don't want him to potentially get any remorseful feelings or start looking for family or other weird stuff as he gets older and closer to dying. He won't admit to raping you of course and honestly, nobody will believe you. Your marriage will slowly fall apart along with your relationship with your son. Stay away from the co-worker.

Did you suspect something foul right away? One part of me thinks mom always knows, and that you know who is the father. No matter, my opinion is to de-friend the other guy, never look him up again and bury this deep inside as you are thinking about ruining lives. If you to act and decide to investigate, whatever the paternity result, only disaster can happen in everybody's lives. There might be an easier way to know, if you and your DH don't have the same blood type, not always an option, but possible with some blood types.

Anonymous wrote:At home pregnancy tests in 2004 were not sensitive enough to pick up a 2 week old pregnancy. They would have been sensitive to pick up a 3.5 week pregnancy. I'd let this rest on that fact and never speak of it.

Well, I don't know about US pregnancy tests, but my pregnancy test picked up in Norway before 2 weeks pregnant. In 1999. I know because I was seeing a fertility specialist and took a home pregnancy test that was positive, and then a day later did a blood test and I was less than a week and a half pregnant pregnant, according to him exactly a week, and having a blood test not even 10 days before that said I didn't ovulate this cycle, but apparently my cycle was not regular, but more like 30 days long....which Dr said is rare, but there you go.