Anonymous wrote:This is bad advice. Push to have social media bullies expelled. In this day and age, this is expected. Schools will not want the liability if something happens and nothing is done. I would refer to the current case in the news. I think until more families stick up for this stuff it will continue. School hopes you will just go away. Don't --chances are these girls are known and you would be surprised how many families would be happy for them to take their drama elsewhere.

It was an attempt at practical advice in a bad situation. It sounds like the OP has been pushing for expulsion already and getting nowhere - hence the exploration of legal options, which aren't particularly likely to be successful either, as our law just aren't written for modern cyberbullying. They can absolutely continue to push for expulsion of bullies, but there's a decent chance that they still won't get anywhere, in which case they need to think about next steps. If it were I in that position the injustice of it would make me crazy, but I'd also recognize the need to develop a feasible plan for my child going forward. Life can be so unfair and people can be awful and it sucks a lot, to be frank, but sometimes you just have to deal with that. And while I agree in theory that someone needs to be the one to push change, selfishly I would be extremely reluctant to do so if it might mean more pain for my child. Personally, if I felt it was important to stay at the particular school and that's what my child wanted I'd probably ask the school to basically map the social groups of the students involved and then everything possible to help my child integrate before school starts into a different segment of it that's pretty separate from that of the bullies - friends who really don't care much what the bullies think are the best protection in a bad situation, I think. As you yourself pointed out, there are a lot of families who are fed up with the drama - I'd want my child to find those friends.

Even if just one it sends a message. The answer is not to just go away. To long this has been the route.

Anonymous wrote:This is bad advice. Push to have social media bullies expelled. In this day and age, this is expected. Schools will not want the liability if something happens and nothing is done. I would refer to the current case in the news. I think until more families stick up for this stuff it will continue. School hopes you will just go away. Don't --chances are these girls are known and you would be surprised how many families would be happy for them to take their drama elsewhere.

The school isn't going to expel 10 students based on what has been described here - fair or not, I just don't see it happening. Your best shot there is to have the ringleader(s) expelled (and as former middle school teacher I can say there were always ringleaders and we always knew who they were). Then it's roll of the dice what happens next - do the follower-bullies cave once the ringleaders are gone, or do they take over the mantle of lead mean girls? It can really go either way depending on the personalities involved, and it can be really hard to predict. The school might be able to social engineer it by splitting them up, as well, but it's hard to control. It seems to me the best long-term solution is to change the school culture, but that takes time.

This is bad advice. Push to have social media bullies expelled. In this day and age, this is expected. Schools will not want the liability if something happens and nothing is done. I would refer to the current case in the news. I think until more families stick up for this stuff it will continue. School hopes you will just go away. Don't --chances are these girls are known and you would be surprised how many families would be happy for them to take their drama elsewhere.

OP - you and your child are in an awful, unfair situation - I think we can all agree on that.

I understand feeling like the school isn't doing anything, and wanting to see out alternate means to punish the offenders, such as a criminal complaint or lawsuit. Based on what you've described, however, I can't imagine it's going to meet the legal definition of stalking. I'm guessing the meanness and threats are more along the line of telling your child she is awful, a loser, will have no friends, is a slut, that they'll make sure no one else talks to her at school, etc.. Really awful stuff, but not what the stalking law deals with. I think the only way the law will help is if they've crossed over into actual, believable physical threats, which isn't really the M.O. of the type of bullies you're describing - they manage to be awful and make peers lives miserable in other ways.

I think you need to think about what you'd like too see happen and what outcomes you and your child can live and be happy with. It sounds like your ideal situation would be the bullies expelled and your daughter attending the school as planned. I don't think this is likely, however, and I'm not sure it would be the resolution you're looking for, as the bullies are likely popular (they usually are, as this sort of bullying requires a following to really be successful - it doesn't hold much sway if the least popular child in the class tells others not to be someone's friend). If the bullies are expelled and tell classmates that it's your child's fault, that means she is starting school knows as the kid who got popular peers kicked out. Not fair, but likely what would happen.

Which brings us to what you and your child can live with. How does she feel about attending the school if the bullies are still there? Are there things the school could do to make this a reasonable solution? What if they made sure they never had overlapping classes? What is they did extra things to help your child develop a social network at the school separate from the bullies before school started? If attending the school with the bullies is a no-go for your family, is there another school that would be acceptable? If so, perhaps you can push the school to help your child get a place there for next year. In a situation like this the school may be able to pull strings with another school to get an acceptance outside the normal process.

I know none of this is satisfying and none if it is likely what you want - you want to undo what's been done and make the new school the great experience you and your child were anticipating. Good luck to you all moving forward.

Anonymous wrote:Veruca Salt test - if you are called in to discuss your child bullying another and your reaction is to make excuses or blame others (school, parents, children), you are the problem.

The problem with this is that research shows most bullies were also victims at some point. It's often not as black and white as we'd like - one of the many reasons it's difficult for schools to deal with bullying. The fact that it's hard and complex, however, shouldn't be a reason for schools to avoid dealing with it (though it often is).

Anonymous wrote:Veruca Salt test - if you are called in to discuss your child bullying another and your reaction is to make excuses or blame others (school, parents, children), you are the problem.

Thissssss. Good grief.

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Anonymous wrote:Could always try filing a lawsuit for intentional infliction of emotional distress...especially if the perpetrators have money...that seems to be the only thing to get some people's attention. Or even perhaps negligent infliction against the school for not doing anything to stop it. No idea how this would play out, but the lack of merit doesn't seem to be a deterrent to filing a lawsuit these days.

changing schools and getting therapy would be a much more sane solution.

You actually think changing schools solves cyber-bullying? Naa, hitting people in the pocket where it hurts is usually what does.

If things were SO bad that you were honestly considering going to the police or suing, then yes, I think your #1 concern is the immediate mental health of your child, and switching schools is in order. This isn't about justice, but about helping your kid. If you're dead set on justice, you can always continue your (likely fruitless) legal efforts after you change the school. If the cyber-bullying somehow continues after the child has left the school (seems unlikely) then you'd have to consider other measures. But still, likely the approach is going to be helping your kid cope, because a lawsuit is A) going to take a very long time and B) not likely to be successful.

Wow why should OP leave a school? Good grief I would want my child to know I stick up for them. Billy should leave and honestly an expelled student would send a large signal to the student body.

Indeed. This isn't public school. We all sign something saying that our child will follow a code of conduct or risk being asked to leave. It's easier said than done but I don't see how administrators can sit back and watch victims leave while the bully stays and continues. Maintaining a safe, respectful environment should be every school's top priority.

Veruca Salt test - if you are called in to discuss your child bullying another and your reaction is to make excuses or blame others (school, parents, children), you are the problem.

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Anonymous wrote:Could always try filing a lawsuit for intentional infliction of emotional distress...especially if the perpetrators have money...that seems to be the only thing to get some people's attention. Or even perhaps negligent infliction against the school for not doing anything to stop it. No idea how this would play out, but the lack of merit doesn't seem to be a deterrent to filing a lawsuit these days.

changing schools and getting therapy would be a much more sane solution.

You actually think changing schools solves cyber-bullying? Naa, hitting people in the pocket where it hurts is usually what does.

If things were SO bad that you were honestly considering going to the police or suing, then yes, I think your #1 concern is the immediate mental health of your child, and switching schools is in order. This isn't about justice, but about helping your kid. If you're dead set on justice, you can always continue your (likely fruitless) legal efforts after you change the school. If the cyber-bullying somehow continues after the child has left the school (seems unlikely) then you'd have to consider other measures. But still, likely the approach is going to be helping your kid cope, because a lawsuit is A) going to take a very long time and B) not likely to be successful.

Wow why should OP leave a school? Good grief I would want my child to know I stick up for them. Billy should leave and honestly an expelled student would send a large signal to the student body.

One reason schools in general have such difficulty in dealing with bullying is the parents. Every parent claims their child is the victim. The school can only act on what they see, not simply on what parents or students report. There is no shortage of involved parents who will blindly defend their child when the school contacts them. They will come in for meeting after meeting and explain away behaviors. The bully is the focus - how can Larla be redirected in a positive way? What teacher will you assign to Larla to help her be successful? Why don't you challenge Larla more, she's obviously bored and (allegedly) acting out? Why are you targeting my child instead of teaching her? The constant barrage of bullying reports flood the administrators and they are basically just trying to put out fires. The squeakiest wheel with the most free time to spend in meetings with the school gets the desired outcome. There are plenty of qualified applicants out there - not renewing contracts will get parents to pay attention. Our DD opted to leave. There are many great schools in this area and not one good reason to stay in a toxic environment.

Have other girls in the grade been subjected to this treatment or just this new girl at another school coming in?

Have you tried approaching the other parents with an exact description of what happened and asking them to talk to their children?

Op what does it entail? Texts to a friend having a fight or texts to a stranger saying mean things? What is the nature of the texts?

if the bullying is in writing and it is clearly bullying and the school or parents haven't done anything in response, then I would hire an attorney. Just wow. But often what is bullying to a parent, is just plain old fashioned mean girl behavior. Not sure saying it is right. And it should be addressed. But I would make sure it is a clear cut case before you threaten.

Are you able to share the details without identifying anybody. Maybe we can and be an independent eye.

Sorry you are going through this. There are schools that handle this much better so I don't know why you would stay.