Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am the default parent and it is exhausting. My DH acknowledges this, but I really think he has absolutely no idea how much I do.

This.

+1. When we have #2 he is going to get a wake up call!

And who will be calling him? The baby? My husband did not really step it up when #2 came. I had to explicitly tell him that I could not do everything child-related plus work full-time all alone anymore. I had to be very, very specific. We still get into fights because I have to spell things out for him and it irritates the crap out of me. Last week we had somewhere to be at 2pm. He was at the door waiting to leave at 1pm, but because I hadn't specifically asked, he had not done a single thing to prepare for our outing other than to get himself ready. No dressing kids, no diaper change, no packing diaper bag, no feeding kids, no nothing.

I don't like living here and want to live somewhere more low-stress but DH wants to stay here (where he grew up) for the job security.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
sex. we have it, regularly, maybe 1x/week and its fine, pleasurable enough. but i think both of us has had it better, hotter with others. there's something inhibited about it with us.

This is what led to divorce eventually.

are you speaking from experience? just curious.

I've wondered whether our marriage would survive opening it up. I doubt it. I think I'm capable of separating sex from love and having an occasional outside thing to satisfy that itch. Pretty sure my spouse would not be okay with it and is the type to get emotionally wrapped up in sex.

From my experience. Open marriage was definitely not for me. XH suggested. There was no solution. The first thing XH asked when I filed for divorce if we still can have sex. I rolled my eyes.

My husband hardly talks. I'm not a particularly chatty person, but I hate that I have to save any real conversations for other outlets (friends/family) and that I never know what he is thinking and don't get much verbal affection. He's wonderful in most other ways though and I knew that about him going in, so I'm mostly okay with it, but it does leave me lonely at times. My need for more communication is the only argument we ever have, if you can even call in an argument, since he just apologizes, vows to do better, and then clams up.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am the default parent and it is exhausting. My DH acknowledges this, but I really think he has absolutely no idea how much I do.

This.

'
Take a week long vacation/work trip without him and he will start to get a clue. My DH gets it, but only because he's been the default parent.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH keeps telling me to lean in and get promoted. I know he's just saying it so I don't take my foot off the pedal and ultimately realize I'm disappointed with my career, but I'm 15 weeks pregnant and have a 2 year old. I earn $125k, so I'm not doing terribly, but it drives me to madness that he's so persistent in that I should be striving for more at this point.

I'm so tired that I'm just trying to do the job that I have.

I hear you. My wife thinks I'm a loser because I have a PhD and only earn 150k per year. She keeps suggesting that I go back to school in my mid forties for an MBA, as if that will magically make me a millionaire.

Baffling to me that someone making $150k or even $125k would feel like they're "not doing well" and need to strive for more.

PP with the PhD, if you were going to be a hotshot businessman, you would already be that. You are a scientist. Far better to be a happy scientist making "only" $150k than a bored businessman who hates his life but makes two or three times that (if it's even possible to do so at this point if you switched careers, which is doubtful). Tell her to talk to the hand!

I've been away for 10 days and don't miss him at all.

Spouse thinks every disagreement needs to be assigned a right or wrong or winner/loser. The can't understand that just calling it different is OK

Husband being antisocial.

Anonymous wrote:I am an introvert and our two kids drain my social reserves, so I don't have much left for DH, and sometimes I get irritable. He is coping pretty well, but I am trying hard to work on this.

I found that around age 9 or 10, I was no longer drained by my kids energy. Being with them was the same as being by myself - we had become that close by then.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am the default parent and it is exhausting. My DH acknowledges this, but I really think he has absolutely no idea how much I do.

This.

+1. When we have #2 he is going to get a wake up call!

Why let him wait for the wake up call? Why on earth would you have a second baby with him when he is not an equal parent with baby #1? Here's a wake up call for you -- unless you change things NOW, the likelihood that Baby#2 will actually serve as a wake-up call is slim to none.

Anonymous wrote:DH keeps telling me to lean in and get promoted. I know he's just saying it so I don't take my foot off the pedal and ultimately realize I'm disappointed with my career, but I'm 15 weeks pregnant and have a 2 year old. I earn $125k, so I'm not doing terribly, but it drives me to madness that he's so persistent in that I should be striving for more at this point.

I'm so tired that I'm just trying to do the job that I have.

I hear you. My wife thinks I'm a loser because I have a PhD and only earn 150k per year. She keeps suggesting that I go back to school in my mid forties for an MBA, as if that will magically make me a millionaire.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am the default parent and it is exhausting. My DH acknowledges this, but I really think he has absolutely no idea how much I do.

This.

+1. When we have #2 he is going to get a wake up call!

Anonymous wrote:I am the default parent and it is exhausting. My DH acknowledges this, but I really think he has absolutely no idea how much I do.

This.

DH is a fantastic partner in all ways except for low libido. I'm a very sexual woman, and it hurts.