Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't know about your friend's particular situation but reproductive coercion is a definite thing that happens in abusive relationships.

http://www.acog.org/Resources-And-Publications/Committee-Opinions/Committee-on-Health-Care-for-Underserved-Women/Reproductive-and-Sexual-Coercion

This. Your friend is in an abusive relationship, and she may not have seen it, until now. Give her the number of the National Domestic Violence Hotline and suggest she call them. 1-800-799-SAFE They have a few articles about this on their website, thehotline.org

http://www.thehotline.org/2013/07/from-broken-condoms-to-pill-tampering-the-realities-of-reproductive-coercion/

http://www.thehotline.org/2011/02/1-in-4-callers-surveyed-at-the-hotline-report-birth-control-sabotage-and-pregnancy-coercion/

I don't think we have enough information yet for this conclusion. Her after-the-fact insistence that he wanted her to get pregnant is not enough. People often look at facts in a certain light in retrospect. That's not enough. What if she said after the fact that he didn't want her to get pregnant?

Put down the legal pad and take it down to the friend-to-friend level. OP said her friend "is blaming the guy" for forcing a pregnancy on her that it sounds like she didn't want. OP doesn't have to "prove" anything, and as a friend should take her friend's word for it. If OP's friend came to her and instead said her boyfriend pushed her, she'd be inclined to believe her, no? So my recommendation is to pass along the DVH number to her. Let them guide her friend in the way they think best for her needs; they have the professional training, and that's what they're there for.

https://www.domesticshelters.org/domestic-violence-articles-information/he-s-forcing-me-to-get-pregnant#.WT-1ZXT3ahA

I'm talking about your conclusion that this is an abusive relationship, not OP's offering help.

Did you read any of the links I provided? Reproductive coercion happens. Forcing something as life changing as a baby on someone who hasn't expressed their consent to it is being controlling. Controlling behavior is emotionally abusive.

I'm not questioning your conclusion that R.C. occurs.

Anonymous wrote:Everyone should take charge of their own birth control. A promise that they'll pull out or are on the pill is not enough.

If you wouldn't trust someone with your bank account or credit cards, don't trust them for your birth control.

This! Doesn't matter if it's a man or a woman. Everyone knows that pregnancy is a potential consequence of unprotected sex. If you are a man and don't want a kid, wear a condom or get a vasectomy. If you're a woman, insist on a condom or get on the pill. If you choose not to, you are choosing to take the risk.

Not to say that it's OK to lie to your partner about birth control. That is a horrible thing to do. But the pull out method?!? Come on . . . no reasonable adult should rely on that for birth control. It's far from perfect, and I don't think it's possible to conclude that this guy acted deliberately to get OP's friend pregnant.

A friend of mine was baby trapped. They eventually got married and had two more kids but their relationship is very volatile. I feel bad for the kids.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone should take charge of their own birth control. A promise that they'll pull out or are on the pill is not enough.

If you wouldn't trust someone with your bank account or credit cards, don't trust them for your birth control.

Totally agree! This goes for both sides. I can't believe people would leave something this important up to someone else.

And if you do put that responsibility onto someone else, don't complain when the results aren't what you anticipated.

Own your life.

Anonymous wrote:Everyone should take charge of their own birth control. A promise that they'll pull out or are on the pill is not enough.

If you wouldn't trust someone with your bank account or credit cards, don't trust them for your birth control.

Totally agree! This goes for both sides. I can't believe people would leave something this important up to someone else.

Everyone should take charge of their own birth control. A promise that they'll pull out or are on the pill is not enough.

If you wouldn't trust someone with your bank account or credit cards, don't trust them for your birth control.

I'm a mid-thirties guy and have wanted a child for some time. I'm divorced and did not want a child with X due to her mental health (which was/is pretty bad). I have had a couple of short-term relationships with some women that were frankly out of my league. They were younger, more attractive, made more money and were all around great women. While dating them I was pretty sure that these were casual relationships.

When having sex, especially during the fertile times I would cum in them everytime they let me. I think that many women when fertile get carried away and let this happen. Make no mistake ... I was tryng to knock them up. It did not work but I was trying!

Pull out IS effective if the guy is 100% on board. However as a woman you can hardly say he trapped you if you willingly had unprotected sex with him.

I slept with a guy once. He was fantastic in bed. I ended it because he scared me. I stopped bc because it made me sick. He kept telling me I'd make a wonderful mother. He told me he wanted me to have his baby.
The condom " accidentally" fell off, and he " accidentally" finished inside of me.

Given the different forms of effective contraception that are readily available, anyone who gets "trapped" has only him/herself to blame. Unless she was raped, or in a relationship so abusive she's lost all control, to claim this is a sign of abuse is incredible. Your friend needs to acknowledge some self-responsibility. When you have sex without birth control, you risk pregnancy. If she consented to sex using the pull out method, she's every much to blame as he is.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't know about your friend's particular situation but reproductive coercion is a definite thing that happens in abusive relationships.

http://www.acog.org/Resources-And-Publications/Committee-Opinions/Committee-on-Health-Care-for-Underserved-Women/Reproductive-and-Sexual-Coercion

This. Your friend is in an abusive relationship, and she may not have seen it, until now. Give her the number of the National Domestic Violence Hotline and suggest she call them. 1-800-799-SAFE They have a few articles about this on their website, thehotline.org

http://www.thehotline.org/2013/07/from-broken-condoms-to-pill-tampering-the-realities-of-reproductive-coercion/

http://www.thehotline.org/2011/02/1-in-4-callers-surveyed-at-the-hotline-report-birth-control-sabotage-and-pregnancy-coercion/

I don't think we have enough information yet for this conclusion. Her after-the-fact insistence that he wanted her to get pregnant is not enough. People often look at facts in a certain light in retrospect. That's not enough. What if she said after the fact that he didn't want her to get pregnant?

Put down the legal pad and take it down to the friend-to-friend level. OP said her friend "is blaming the guy" for forcing a pregnancy on her that it sounds like she didn't want. OP doesn't have to "prove" anything, and as a friend should take her friend's word for it. If OP's friend came to her and instead said her boyfriend pushed her, she'd be inclined to believe her, no? So my recommendation is to pass along the DVH number to her. Let them guide her friend in the way they think best for her needs; they have the professional training, and that's what they're there for.

https://www.domesticshelters.org/domestic-violence-articles-information/he-s-forcing-me-to-get-pregnant#.WT-1ZXT3ahA

I'm talking about your conclusion that this is an abusive relationship, not OP's offering help.

Did you read any of the links I provided? Reproductive coercion happens. Forcing something as life changing as a baby on someone who hasn't expressed their consent to it is being controlling. Controlling behavior is emotionally abusive.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't know about your friend's particular situation but reproductive coercion is a definite thing that happens in abusive relationships.

http://www.acog.org/Resources-And-Publications/Committee-Opinions/Committee-on-Health-Care-for-Underserved-Women/Reproductive-and-Sexual-Coercion

This. Your friend is in an abusive relationship, and she may not have seen it, until now. Give her the number of the National Domestic Violence Hotline and suggest she call them. 1-800-799-SAFE They have a few articles about this on their website, thehotline.org

http://www.thehotline.org/2013/07/from-broken-condoms-to-pill-tampering-the-realities-of-reproductive-coercion/

http://www.thehotline.org/2011/02/1-in-4-callers-surveyed-at-the-hotline-report-birth-control-sabotage-and-pregnancy-coercion/

I don't think we have enough information yet for this conclusion. Her after-the-fact insistence that he wanted her to get pregnant is not enough. People often look at facts in a certain light in retrospect. That's not enough. What if she said after the fact that he didn't want her to get pregnant?

Put down the legal pad and take it down to the friend-to-friend level. OP said her friend "is blaming the guy" for forcing a pregnancy on her that it sounds like she didn't want. OP doesn't have to "prove" anything, and as a friend should take her friend's word for it. If OP's friend came to her and instead said her boyfriend pushed her, she'd be inclined to believe her, no? So my recommendation is to pass along the DVH number to her. Let them guide her friend in the way they think best for her needs; they have the professional training, and that's what they're there for.

https://www.domesticshelters.org/domestic-violence-articles-information/he-s-forcing-me-to-get-pregnant#.WT-1ZXT3ahA

I'm talking about your conclusion that this is an abusive relationship, not OP's offering help.

Well, her first mistake was not taking charge of her own BC in the first place.

She put the responsibility on her boyfriend to handle the BC for her and make sure that she did not get pregnant...oops.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't know about your friend's particular situation but reproductive coercion is a definite thing that happens in abusive relationships.

http://www.acog.org/Resources-And-Publications/Committee-Opinions/Committee-on-Health-Care-for-Underserved-Women/Reproductive-and-Sexual-Coercion

This. Your friend is in an abusive relationship, and she may not have seen it, until now. Give her the number of the National Domestic Violence Hotline and suggest she call them. 1-800-799-SAFE They have a few articles about this on their website, thehotline.org

http://www.thehotline.org/2013/07/from-broken-condoms-to-pill-tampering-the-realities-of-reproductive-coercion/

http://www.thehotline.org/2011/02/1-in-4-callers-surveyed-at-the-hotline-report-birth-control-sabotage-and-pregnancy-coercion/

I don't think we have enough information yet for this conclusion. Her after-the-fact insistence that he wanted her to get pregnant is not enough. People often look at facts in a certain light in retrospect. That's not enough. What if she said after the fact that he didn't want her to get pregnant?

Put down the legal pad and take it down to the friend-to-friend level. OP said her friend "is blaming the guy" for forcing a pregnancy on her that it sounds like she didn't want. OP doesn't have to "prove" anything, and as a friend should take her friend's word for it. If OP's friend came to her and instead said her boyfriend pushed her, she'd be inclined to believe her, no? So my recommendation is to pass along the DVH number to her. Let them guide her friend in the way they think best for her needs; they have the professional training, and that's what they're there for.

https://www.domesticshelters.org/domestic-violence-articles-information/he-s-forcing-me-to-get-pregnant#.WT-1ZXT3ahA

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't know about your friend's particular situation but reproductive coercion is a definite thing that happens in abusive relationships.

http://www.acog.org/Resources-And-Publications/Committee-Opinions/Committee-on-Health-Care-for-Underserved-Women/Reproductive-and-Sexual-Coercion

This. Your friend is in an abusive relationship, and she may not have seen it, until now. Give her the number of the National Domestic Violence Hotline and suggest she call them. 1-800-799-SAFE They have a few articles about this on their website, thehotline.org

http://www.thehotline.org/2013/07/from-broken-condoms-to-pill-tampering-the-realities-of-reproductive-coercion/

http://www.thehotline.org/2011/02/1-in-4-callers-surveyed-at-the-hotline-report-birth-control-sabotage-and-pregnancy-coercion/

I don't think we have enough information yet for this conclusion. Her after-the-fact insistence that he wanted her to get pregnant is not enough. People often look at facts in a certain light in retrospect. That's not enough. What if she said after the fact that he didn't want her to get pregnant?